On Monday night, a bear walked into an Alaskan bar. The bartender didn't want the bear in the bar, and told the bear to leave: "No bear! Get out! No! You can't be in here!" The bear agreed and left.

Ted Cruz has finally shut up.

Harvard, a school in Boston that your boss's boss went to, made Fortune 500 money last year. More profit than Target, and just less than AIG. Just how rich is Harvard?

An infamous Halloween urban legend came tragically true (yet again) for one Kentucky mom whose son accidentally hanged himself with a noose the family was using as a Halloween decoration.

Big Freedia is the undisputed queen of sissy bounce. She's a New Orleans hip-hop diva who's toured around the country with a twerking team long before the word demanded a supercut. Her signature track is "Azz Everywhere," though she's also got one called "Make Ya Booty Go," and now Big Freedia wants to reclaim her association with p-popping by setting the Guinness World Record™ for "Most People Twerking Simultaneously," a feat that will be attempted in New York City's Herald Square any minute now.

Paul Karason died on Monday, 15 years after he permanently turned blue. Karason's blueness made him into a minor celebrity in 2008 when he appeared on The Today Show.

While teasing a live report on the Lodi Grape Festival, Fox 40 field reporter Sabrina Rodriguez got unexpectedly felt up by a boob-grabbing baboon named Mickey.

Thurman Winston's life was long and full of experiences, as betrayed by the lengthy obituary handed out to mourners who attended his recent funeral.

Privilege: so sweet to have. But even sweeter to not have. Privilege has its benefits, but the lack of privilege confers that sweet, sweet moral superiority. With that in mind, we have decided to determine who, exactly, has the least privilege of all.

It's that time of the year again when the days get shorter, the leaves change colors, and Tina Fey hosts the Saturday Night Live season premiere to make it seem like it just might be worth tuning in this time around.

Countless manufacturing industries have died slow and painful deaths in America. The auto industry dried up. The clothing industries moved to Bangladesh. Yet we—the strong and the proud—can hold our heads up high and say to the world, "Excuse me, I'm on the toilet."

A 7.7 magnitude earthquake killed more than 270 people in western Pakistan on Wednesday. The powerful quake also created a small island off of Pakistan's southwest coast.

The word "epic" is by far the most tossed-around of all the Internetisms.

For the past 17 hours or so, Senator Ted Cruz (and his pals) have been pointlessly fake filibustering the U.S. Senate to, as the AP put it, “urge his colleagues to oppose moving ahead on a bill he supports.”

Child psychologists are now being told to acknowledge that 25—and not 18—is the cut-off age for adolescence. These new guidelines, defining 18-25 as “late adolescence,” will apparently stop children from feeling “rushed” though childhood.

Early Friday morning on CNBC Squawk Box, host Joe Kernen had some really interesting things to say about rupees. Actually he didn’t, but that didn’t stop him from adopting an Indian accent while talking about the currency. When it was clear his co-hosts Becky Quick and Andrew Ross Sorkin were uncomfortable, he tried with all his might to hold back the hilarity on the tip of his tongue: “No, I can’t do it. I was going to say something.”

Whoops. Mississippi newspaper The Sun Herald accidentally published the closely-guarded list of MacArthur “genius grant” recipients several hours before the MacArthur Foundation’s press embargo. We’ve copied the full list of winners below. Each receives $625,000 over five years, to spend on whatever he or she wants. (Spoiler: You did not win. Maybe next year.)

This is what a faux filibuster looks like: Senator Ted Cruz reads Green Eggs and Ham to his daughters because Green Eggs and Ham, according to him, is just like Obamacare for the American people: “they do not like Obamacare in a box, with a fox, in a house, or with a mouse.”

Six hours later, GOP Senator Ted Cruz is still bloviating on the Senate floor in opposition to funding the Affordable Care Act. This is not a filibuster, as Cruz isn't actually delaying action on a bill. This is just a politician who wants to be famous talking endlessly for his own benefit.

On Tuesday, Rolling Stone published its first Miley Cyrus cover story online.