Tomorrow, the Chicago Teachers Union will hold a one-day walkout to protest budget cuts, pay, and contract issues. “It has been death by a thousand cuts,” one teacher says. “But recently it’s felt more like, I don’t know, chopping off our arms.”

There are plenty of ways to arouse suspicion as a sitting governor. Here’s a pretty good one from Alabama’s Robert Bentley, who is currently beating back a festering adultery scandal: personally purchasing cheap burner phones at Best Buy.

Earlier today on this very website, my colleague Sam Biddle referred to a recent photograph of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie pouring a bag of M&Ms into a box of M&Ms as “embarrassing” and inexplicable—an analysis as unfair as it is incorrect. Because in this instance, for what may be the very first time in his life, Chris Christie did the right thing.

Shocking news out of Argentina’s seething, sweat-streaked strip club of a country—the woman who led Obama in a sultry tango last week at a State Dinner had been expressly forbidden from rubbing her harlot body against him, and she did it anyway.

A sobering thought but one that’s impossible not to consider—like a large orange elephant in the room—when confronted by images of Donald Trump and Melania Trump in close proximity. What are they like off-camera, just doing stuff at home? I imagine it goes something like this.

Americans are drinking less soda with each passing year—which makes the remaining soda that we do drink all the more important. Sadly, new evidence indicates that this country’s taste in soda is going to hell. Hey, someone call a “Doctor....”

Wendi Deng was married to Rupert Murdoch for 14 years before they divorced in 2013 amidst rumors that Deng had been cheating on the founder of News Corp. with Tony Blair, the ex-prime minister of the United Kingdom. (Both parties deny this.) With one, maybe two of the world’s most prominent morally questionable, gross men down, you may ask, who else is there left to romance? Who could be ickier or more morally repugnant than Rupert Muroch? According to Us Weekly, the paper of record for international intrigue, she has found someone who fits the bill: Vladimir Putin.

Solitary confinement is torture. Confinement in a solitary cell with a cellmate? That my be even worse.

When Donald Trump announced his plan to ban all Muslims from entering the United States, people had a lot of questions. Is he really this evil? (Yes.) Is this going to be the gaffe that does him in? (In your dreams.) What about Trump’s fabulously wealthy buddies—will they still be let in? (They’ll be just fine.)

Government by the people, for the people would be great if we, the people, weren’t such morons. In deed, in an effort to insure that good grammar shall not perish from the earth, Official House Resolution No. 1220 comes to the good people of Missouri from Rep. Tracy McCreery, who has apparently built up some deep-seeded loathing for her colleagueses abuse of the English language. In an interview with the Missouri Riverfront Times, McCreery explained that her fellow pubic servants’ constant slips of the tongue had the affect of “nails on a chalkboard” and that “it happens pretty much daily.”

Thanks to budget cuts, the New York City Department of Transportation has stopped its graffiti removal program. Good, cause graffiti is cool.

Chris Christie, who acted wickedly in a past life and must now mortify himself as Donald Trump’s personal jester, has debased himself once more, having been seen inexplicably pouring a bag of M&Ms into a box of M&Ms. Instead of shrugging off this scandal on account of being A) an adult, B) a U.S. governor, or C) a man with self-respect, he called into a New Jersey talk radio show.

A major breakthrough last night for Ted Cruz, who openly admitted to Jimmy Kimmel he had neither the looks nor the talent to succeed as an actor.

In America, we have created a system in which most workers receive necessary benefits like health insurance through their employers. That system is falling apart, and we should all be alarmed.

“Mr. de Blasio said he was blindsided and angered by the developments. But a review of city records, correspondence and lobbying reports suggests that the city mismanaged the situation, accepting more than $16 million to pave the way for precisely the type of luxury housing it has sought to limit.”

Earlier this week, Sean Combs, a.k.a. hip-hop and vodka mogul Diddy, or Puff Daddy, announced that he had become the co-founder of a new charter school, due to open in Harlem this summer. The school will be overseen by Steve Perry, a union-buster accused of juicing graduation stats at his schools in Connecticut.

In an interview with MSNBC’s Chris Matthews on Wednesday, Donald Trump broadened his attempts to undermine Michelle Fields’ accusations against Corey Lewandowski, criticizing the police department filed battery charges against his campaign manager: “They’re destroying that man over nothing.”

On Wednesday, federal officials announced a settlement agreement with the Newark Police Department, following a three-year investigation that found, amongst other things, that officers failed to provide sufficient reason for nearly 75 percent of pedestrian stops.

Great news: A study published Wednesday suggests that the West Antarctic ice sheet, which is larger than Mexico, might begin disintegrating much earlier than expected, possibly raising the sea level across the entire ocean as much as three feet by 2100. (Levels in other areas might rise twice as much.)

This afternoon, Rebekah Caldwell Mason—senior advisor to, and alleged mistress of, Alabama Governor Robert Bentley—resigned from her position less than a week after leaked audio recordings revealed what appeared to be a physically and emotionally intimate relationship between her and the governor. It is just the biggest blow in a week in which the foundation of Bentley’s administration has continued to crack.