Bawling conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck doesn't need Fox News and its Illuminati sympathizers to help him make a living. He can make money just fine by himself, due to the fact that his entire audience is composed of hapless suckers.

Glenn Beck now has his very own online network, and—to maintain freedom and pay Glenn's large monthly corned beef bills—the NYT reports that he's instituting a modest monthly fee for access to "GBTV," the online destination of choice for people you don't really want to hang out with.

"If you're a fan of Jon Stewart, you're going to find something on GBTV that you're going to enjoy," Mr. Beck said. "If you're a fan of ‘24,' you're going to find something on GBTV that you're going to enjoy."

Right, because fans of Jon Stewart enjoy laughing at Glenn Beck, and fans of 24 are gun nuts. At the moment, GBTV's offerings range from Glenn Becks's show, to "The Making of GBTV," to "Beck University." The whole spectrum.

So, how much would you pay for this smorgasbord of delight? It will cost $5-$10 per month. A fair price, as long as we're talking Confederate currency.

[NYT, photo of Beck, top, via Getty Images]