Kids These Days: More Drugs, Fewer Babies

Estrogen risks! Sheep death! Synthetic drugs! Teen drugs! Teen sex! Facebook kidney! Berry cancer! Neck shocker! And your baby has an oddly-shaped head! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—head-scratchingly!

• You think that you can just gobble down estrogen pills like so many Chiclets, ladies, and it's not even going to do anything bad to you? Well, maybe you can. Maybe you can.
• The University of Wisconsin killed sheep by giving them the bends in a hyperbaric chamber, even though they knew such research was illegal. Literal sheep fuckers.
• Legislators across America are "cracking down" on fake drugs like K2 and "bath salts," now that they've eradicated all the real drugs.
• Also, teen marijuana and ecstasy use is on the rise. That's good—means they're getting desperate after they can't locate any "bath salts."
• But the teen pregnancy rate is at a 20-year low. What are you kids doing with all that ecstasy? Juggling?
• Some dude in Michigan found himself a new kidney just by asking for one on Facebook. And meanwhile you can't even find a Fun Gurl 2 cum party friday nite when U got a bottle of schnapps 2 share LOL! What's the deal, ladies?
• Strawberries may have cancer-fighting properties. Just like uh EVERY OTHER KIND OF FRUIT. Strawberries are such trendsluts.
• Did you know there's something called an "Implantable Neck Artery Shocker?" I don't know what it is, but I want one, in you!
• "Signs of Flattened Skulls Rising in Infants." Well, they deserved it.

[Photo via Shutterstock]