Implant cancer! Brain melting! Autism vaccines! Big tumor! Drug users! Chimera monkeys! Face transplants! Yoga danger! And the future of your baby, made clear! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—but not for long!
New painkiller! Holiday eating! Gum health! Infant drugs! Fat ladies! Swine flu! Coma boy! Allergy cats! And a foolproof stop smoking plan that just might work! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—fatalistically!
Neti pots! Sun benefits! Gay marriage! Nuclear death! Celery danger! Heart eyes! Obesity moms! Supplement peril! And holiday hangover cures, right on time! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—every last inch of it!
Twin surgery! Young insurance! Teen weedheads! Statin flu! Cookie dough! Thin tricks! Working moms! ADHD drugs! And the very latest cigarette news from Eastern Europe! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—sickeningly!
Sugar cereal! Plan B! Nocturnal diabetes! Elderly presidents! Breast cancer! Parkinson's dancing! Bedbug breeding! Marathon hearts! And America's most and least healthy states, revealed! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—grrrrreatly!
You know when you spend a whole Saturday afternoon watching a marathon of America's Next Top Model a highbrow HBO show and you feel like your ass got fatter from sitting on the couch for so long? Guess what. It actually did.
HIV levels! Generic Lipitor! Arsenic grandmothers! Low B12! Stressed parents! Hospital food! Fire surgery! Foster drugs! And Europeans are a bunch of nasty motherfuckers! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—to death!
Acupuncture kids! Stem cells! Text bullies! Boundary effect! Pig drugs! Tainted jerky! Elderly pain! Light brains! And the super Greek diet that will save us all! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—pointedly!
Sex talk! Chewing tobacco! Cholesterol drugs! Womb psychology! Weight coaching! Baby abdomen! Kiwi heart! Medication erection! And hearing loss, say what? Haha. It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—age-appropriately!
Sodium diet! Obesity drug! Autism brain! Sickness debt! Exercise aging! Digestion difficulty! Drug sex! Fruit interactions! And a stern reminder to never trust those "doctors!" It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with malice!
Drug approval! Earthquake danger! Child risks! Ending aging! Cancer marathon! Texas therapy! Pneumonia vaccination! Robot walking! And a whole new way of looking at regulation! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with a heavy heart!
Freshman 15! Conjoined twins! Breast milk! Wino diet! Lonely sleepers! Yoga pain! Soda targeting! Cold flu! And some health facts just aren't funny! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—supportively!
HPV boys! Chest X-rays! Aging secrets! Bat disease! Old pacemakers! Filthy surface! Coffee protection! Super broccoli! And gurl U no U better keep taking that birth control! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—in technicolor!
Gel vagina! Too salty! Letrozole victory! Salad sal-monella! Teen IQs! Proton babies! Skeptical docs! Malaria vaccine! And women laugh like this, while guys laugh like this! Right, fellas? It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—masculariously!
Candy medicine! Preemie autism! Medical marijuana! Shy teens! Sick Americans! Aggressive kids! Down's fetus! Coyote cloning! And kids these days can't seem to do a god damn thing healthily! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—nurturingly!
Fat running! Bad vitamins! Low tuberculosis! Peanut allergies! Woman chocolate! Restless legs! Baby talk! Cereal sugar! And your child's selfishness is all too astounding! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—fruitlessly!
Cholesterol diabeetus! Docto procto! Death surgery! Concussion athletes! Cantaloupe killers! Cell harvest! Cialis excuses! Man breasts! And you monkeys won't get away with this, after all! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—on the real!
Addiction vaccine! HIV contraceptive! Lazy walkers! Alien snails! Autism therapy! Pregnancy diet! Drunk driving! Sun vitamins! And Alzheimer's is already creeping into you, right now! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—strenuously!
Cancer sex! Coffee women! Insurance cost! Doctor complaints! Fatherhood hearts! Diarrhea pools! Killer cantaloupes! Sleepy teens! And cheese is coming to take your soul to hell! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—inappropriately!
