Now that Madonna's a swinging single cougar, Gwyn refuses to study Kabbalah with her. Star Jones writes The Devil Wears Prada about Barbara Walters. Britney faces two sex scandals. Heidi Montag just wants one. Thursday gossip has an achy-breaky heart.

Famed best friends and Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow have broken up after years of studying Kabbalah, eating macrobiotically, and practicing their fake British accents on each other: "They don't speak. I can't tell you exactly why they had the falling out, but Gwyneth can be jealous and competitive." Apparently things started going downhill after Madonna's split from Guy Ritchie, leaving Madge and Gwynnie "with less in common" now that Madonna is a swinging single cougar. Gwyneth told British Vogue, "I'm having a situation right now with a friend where I'm feeling pretty angry." They'll always have Visyasa yoga to sublimate their rage. Let us mourn this solemn occasion with a photo of the duo going to the gym. [Us, images via Splash]

  • Speaking of Madonna, someone saw her "eating fish tacos with malbec wine" in Williamsburg. Should fish tacos be consumed with white? [P6]
  • Danielle Staub is past the "embarrassment" stage of the sex tape grief cycle, and onto the "naked ambition" part: Here's a video of her boasting that her amateur porn will outsell Kendra Wilkinson's. [TMZ]
  • Star Jones is writing a thinly veiled novel about a ladies' TV show called "The Lunch Club." The hosts "learn that a former colleague—who departed under mysterious circumstances, and is privy to all their backstage secrets—is coming back with a splash." Maybe by writing a thinly veiled novel? [P6]
  • Britney Spears' sex life is in its usual shambles. First, a former bodyguard said she sexually harassed him, and now Star reports boyfriend and former manager Jason Trawick is cheating on her with his former personal assistant. Do they ever date peope they do not employ? [Star]
  • Another day, another Lindsay Lohan excuse: Mother Dina says LiLo's booze-sniffing SCRAM ankle bracelet went off (resulting in a warrant for her arrest and second bail) because "somebody spilled a drink on her leg" at an MTV Movie Award afterparty. Also, Linds is considering going on Celebrity Apprentice. "Donald is a friend of the family," said Dina. [Radar, P6]
  • ...and two more Heidi Montag attention ploys: Pregnancy scare, and cohabitating with Spencer's best friend Cougar Zank. With a name like that, you'd think "streetwalker," but the correct answer is "Marine-turned-bodyguard and bit actor." [Star, Radar]
  • Gary Coleman's ex-wife Shannon Price and his ex-manager are fighting to control his funeral, which the ex-child-star said in his will should include only "those who have no financial ties to me," which sort of rules both of them out. Also, "no members of the press." [People]
  • Are Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper getting married? The evidence: A rack of wedding gowns wheeled by while she was shopping at Carolina Herrera, and Bradley recently had lunch with her parents. Good enough for me! Wedding bells for Renee, ooh la la. [P6]
  • Larry King wife Shawn Southwick's pill overdose was intentional and included two handwritten notes, one a suicide note and the other asking to be buried in Utah. Shawn is in recovery and Larry—who, ensnared in multiple cheating scandals, nearly divorced Shawn in April—says, "We shall go through this difficult time intact as a family." [AP]
  • Chris Brown is persistent. After being denied entrance to the United Kingdom for being a violent criminal offender, he gave giant checks to two charities. Giant checks are like wet wipes for your guilty conscience. [TMZ]