If the numbers truly don't lie, then neither Brad Pitt nor Angelina Jolie will collect Academy Awards on Sunday. But who needs Oscars when America's auction-scavenging elite are on your side?

A Fox News study of awards-season sales on eBay revealed that Benjamin Button-related items have outsold Slumdog Millionaire-ish merchandise by a rate of 491 to 297. The Button crap's average value is nearly $6 more than that of Millionaire, with Pitt also kicking Best Actor foes Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke's asses — combined — by more than two-to-one.

Meanwhile Jolie outranks both Kate Winslet and Meryl Streep in Best Actress, selling almost 4,600 trinkets, videos, garments and titanium orphan traps in recent months. Only Heath Ledger's runaway Oscar odds coincide with his massive eBay popularity, likely after producers Bill Condon and Larry Mark spiked demand with their top-secret plans to offer Joker bobbleheads to the first 500 people in attendance.