In your lovely Monday media column: Bill Keller speaks on the NYT's future (it'll be fine!), New York's least fun media Super Bowl party revealed, papers advertise, and more!

Tuesday is a great day for a media column: The NYT's Stuart Elliott will not be stonewalled, hipster lady mag Missbehave stops printing, and Yahoo should either fund quality journalism or Gawker's next party.

It's time for another bitter shot fired in the impenetrable politico-media war over Caroline Kennedy's failed Senatorial bid! Today, more on Caroline's "secret reason" for dropping out. To the press, this is manly fun:

In your special weekend media column (whoa!): Traders die, generals lie, and the media influence of international oligarchs multiplies:

"And with the women, especially the straight women, mind and genitals seemed scarcely to belong to the same person." Don't we know it! Here, we save you thousands of words of reading:

In your Friday media column: Facebook is unholy, business is business, and Nicolas Sarkozy got you a present!:

Thus far there are five major competing theories as to why Caroline Kennedy pulled out of the Senate race so suddenly and mysteriously. We list them, and give exact statistical odds, below:

Well now, the "Why did Caroline Kennedy Drop Out?" parlor game grows ever more interesting! The latest reasons being floated: nanny issues, tax issues, and all the dang gossip on this very website:

Your Friday media column is here! Today, possible newspaper death, sort-of magazine rebirth, news anchor lateral movement, and more chomping action:

Drop your razors, fashionable young men: the New York Times reports that mustaches are back—in style! Somehow this story sounds vaguely... familiar:

Former Gawker hottie Benoit Denizet-Lewis is still riding the addiction train to literary success! The America Anonymous author and unveiler of Down Low culture is writing about his sex addiction, luckily for pervs like you:

In the "They don't make em like this any more" category: foreign correspondent, dapper author, and WWII Allied spy Paul Hofmann is dead at the age of 96. He outlived Hitler by 63 years.

One less thing to aspire to, journalists: The New York Times in cutting back on those nice overseas executive gigs at the Paris-based International Herald Tribune:

No reporters left to cover your city, no reporters left to cover your state, and no reporters left to cover Washington, DC. It's the new journalism.

Should the New York Times Co. sell its stake in the Boston Red Sox? Some people say yes. But this clever Monopoly metaphor says NO:

"For those over 30 years old: hooking up is a casual sexual encounter with no expectation of future emotional commitment." So begins another god damn op-ed about wet, wild youngster sex.

Concerned about the job prospects for the already-wealthy cads who made a pile in finance jobs? Sure, we all are. There's good news, though; corporate types who suddenly find themselves unemployed have all decided, en masse, to become personal trainers. These former office-bound A-type personalities are all lining up to sell their exercise services to, uh, you know, whoever may have some disposable income left.

Tragedy of the elite: we hear that Sheryl WuDunn, the wife of Times columnist Nick Kristof, has been laid off from her job as a private wealth advisor at Goldman Sachs—a casualty of Goldman's plan to cut 10% of staff. She was a longtime journalist, and wrote for the Times, Reuters, and the WSJ before going into banking. She married Kristof in 1988 and won a Pulitzer in 1990 for her reporting in Beijing. Rather ironic that the journalist in the family is now the breadwinner over the banker, no? The lesson here: just when you thought you were getting out of the crappy journalism industry... it PULLS YOU BACK IN! And lays you off at your new job. Care to watch Nick and Sheryl appear together on Charlie Rose back in happier days? Then click through to do so!

Former MSNBC host Dan Abrams is a popular guy, because it's been rumored that he has jobs to give out. Abrams, you'll recall, is starting a ridiculous, conflict-of-interest-riddled PR firm that will distinguish itself by selling corporate clients (or just moguls) the advice of current journalists, bloggers, and other media types. The Observer spoke to Abrams, and he says he's gotten 650 applications already—"the bulk of whom are freelance journalists, people who are writing books and individuals who have recently been laid off or walked away from jobs in the media industry." Are we missing something here? The whole reason that people got upset about Abrams' business plan in the first place is that he says he's going to offer the consulting services of current, not former, media people. Former journalists work for damn near every PR firm in America. That's nothing new. Here's Abrams' offended quote today:

The financial reports of the New York Times Co. yesterday were predictably awful. Print ad revenue was cratering even before the stock market collapsed, so it's hard to see any turnaround in the near future. And as if the economy itself isn't giving the Times enough problems, they're also dealing with Rupert Murdoch trying to crush them, advertising-wise, in a pincer grip; the Wall Street Journal is falling on their head, and the New York Post is coming right up their ass. Rupert made a lot of noise about taking on the Times directly when he bought the WSJ. But he has a big advantage: another major newspaper in the same market. So while the WSJ is trying to steal away the NYT's high-end advertisers (and succeeding)—luxury watchmakers, Tiffany & Co., expensive liquors, and corporations running "message" ads—the other News Corp. paper, the unprofitable Post, is competing with the Times for middlebrow advertisers and upper middle class retailers in New York City—Bergdorf Goodman, Macy's, Bloomingdale's, car dealerships, cell phone companies.