Congratulations to Kim Jong-un, this year’s recipient of the Sukarno Center’s “Global Statesman” award. Past recipients include Mahatma Gandhi, Aung San Suu Kyi (a political dissident turned Myanmar’s opposition leader), and Kim’s grandfather, Kim Il-sung, the founder of North Korea.

Fellow worker: I wish you a very joyous “Struggle Against American Imperialism” month. Raise high your fists against the hostile animalistic imperialist!

North Korea, famed for its unicorns and its non-Photoshopped, totally real missiles, has done it again. The DPRK’s extremely reliable state-run media agency reports that homegrown scientists have found the cure for HIV, various cancers, heart disease, impotence, bad skin, Ebola ... everything, really. Turns out the cure was fertilizer all along. Why didn’t actual scientists think of that?

A little over a week ago, North Korea claimed to have successfully launched a ballistic missile from an undersea submarine. Such a launch would have been a major step forward for the hermit country, if it had actually happened. But according to German aerospace experts, the photos supposedly proving North Korea’s technological prowess only proved that, once again, North Korea is shit at Photoshop.

According to South Korea’s chief spy agency, the head of North Korea’s military was publicly executed by anti-aircraft gun late last month for disobeying Kim Jong Un and falling asleep during a meeting, the BBC reports.

North Korea announced on Saturday that it had arrested a South Korean student for allegedly attempting to illegally enter the country, the Wall Street Journal reports. The prisoner, according to state media, is Joo Won-moon—a 21-year-old permanent resident of the United States and New York University student.

Kim Jong-un has withdrawn from reported plans to attend a World War II anniversary celebration in Moscow, according to a Kremlin rep. The trip would’ve marked the North Korean leader’s first official trip outside of his country since he assumed power in 2011.

A North Korean defector now working as an activist in South Korea told the Associated Press that he plans to drop 100,000 copies of The Interview into North Korea by balloon.

The opinion department of the New York Times is very frightened by recent techno-geopolitical developments, and it wants you to be frightened too. The (alleged) North Korean aggression against Sony Pictures, an editorial explains today, is a wake-up call to a slumbering and inadequately technology-defended nation:

North Korea issued a blistering (and surprisingly folksy) condemnation of the United States following the nationwide release of The Interview this week, accusing Obama of going "reckless in words and deeds like a monkey in a tropical forest" and America of being shameless "like children playing a tag."

Have you ever rented a movie on YouTube? Of course not—but if you feel like watching the controversial (and by all indications, very mediocre) assassination comedy The Interview, you might have to give Google your credit card. (UPDATED)

Just days after Barack Obama vowed to hit North Korea with a "proportional response" to their (alleged) involvement in hacking Sony Pictures Entertainment, the DPRK's fragile connection to the internet has "collapsed" and gone "completely dark," the New York Times reports.

The developer of Glorious Leader!, a retro video game starring North Korean despot Kim Jong-un as a heavily armed, unicorn-riding superhero, is stoically moving forward with his game in spite of the explosion of unpaid publicity it's gained from the Sony Pictures hack.

The evidence linking agents of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea to the recent digital implosion of Sony remains vague. And even though the feds are squarely blaming North Korea, many security experts aren't buying it.

President Obama has said that he does not consider the Sony hacks to be an act of war by North Korea—which the president's administration has blamed for the attack—but rather vandalism, the Chicago Tribune reports.

For last night's Saturday Night Live cold open, alumnus Mike Myers reprised his classic Austin Powers character "Dr. Evil" to address Kim Jong-un, North Korea, and the Sony hack. "Look, I know Kim Jong-un," Dr. Evil claims. "We went on a Viking river cruise together."

North Korea has said that it would like to work together with the United States to prove that it had nothing to do with the Sony hacks while also threatening the United States if it refuses to cooperate with this very sincere and real invitation.

The FBI has concluded that North Korea is to blame for the devastating hacking attack against Sony Pictures. "North Korea's actions were intended to inflict significant harm on a U.S. business and suppress the right of American citizens to express themselves," the agency said in a statement released today. "Such acts of intimidation fall outside the bounds of acceptable state behavior."

Looks like Sony isn't the only entertainment company self-censoring—according to reports, a green-lit Steve Carell-anchored thriller was indefinitely shelved, thanks entirely to the film's North Korea-centric plot.

U.S. officials have confirmed that North Korea was "centrally involved" in the Sony hack, according to reports in the New York Times, CNN, CBS News, and NBC News. The confirmation comes just hours after Sony canceled the release of The Interview, the James Franco-Seth Rogen comedy rumored to have triggered the cyberattack, over vague threats to cinemas scheduled to show the movie.