“Hamilton”-themed SoulCycle classes?

A low point of the American experiment.

This notion of “phrases that are worse than meaningless”—let’s discuss it.

While standing on a golf course and wearing a ridiculous hat this week, former good college-level quarterback Tim Tebow told Fox News that the idea of running for office is “intriguing” to him.

Cranial bee sting victim Donald Trump is a leading presidential candidate, despite the fact that he is clearly a stupid, racist clown. Can Donald Trump say anything too stupid to dissuade his own backers?

Chris Christie, the New Jersey governor who wants to be president of the United States but won’t, appeared on MSNBC’s Morning Joe Tuesday. When asked how he would manage New York City if he were mayor, Christie said “Stop and Frisk would be back in about five minutes.” Luckily for us, he is not mayor of New York City.

For 90 minutes this morning, Long Island Rail Road service was suspended coming into and going out of Penn Station due to “signal trouble.” For 90 minutes this morning, LIRR riders inundated the E, 7, and 2/3 subway lines, as the MTA cross-honored their LIRR fares. For 90 minutes this morning, Satan was released from his prison, deceiving the nations in the four corners of the earth—LIRR and MTA—to gather them for battle.

A puberty question posed to a bunch of nerds. What could go wrong?

Louie, the famed organ-playing clown from Wichita's now defunct Joyland Amusement Park has returned after missing for 10 years. He was found in the home of Damian Mayes, a former employee of the park who used to repair Louie's organ—and a convicted sex offender. "It is a great feeling we finally have found it (Louie)," Margaret Nelson Spear, one of Joyland's former owners, told the Wichita Eagle. "…It is a big relief. We are pleased."

Rick Owens's new Fall/Winter line is all dick and no style. This morning, during his Paris runway show, the famed designer revealed his latest men's collection. Small penises made an appearance.

What is your second-biggest subway-related fear, assuming your number one fear is being pushed in front of an oncoming train? Take a minute. Is it suddenly finding yourself in a wedding gown, getting married on the N train in front of grumpy strangers on their ways to and from work, like a horrible nightmare from which you cannot awake?

Facebook and Google, multi-billion dollar corporations that mine your private data for money, are apparently very concerned about the Ebola virus, because they are "socially active" companies. So they are asking—nay, guilting—their users for money to "help" "stop" and "fight" Ebola.

Bodhi, a Shiba Inu you might have seen dressed in J. Crew gingham on a photo you scrolled past and smiled at on Tumblr, is another dog forced to live his life as a meme. He enjoys only the meager restitution of being a dog and his owners? They make about $15,000 a month off him, Fast Company writes in a new profile, which is about $15,000 more than you make from just having a dog.

Spiders falling from the ceiling. Spiders behind every mini blind. Spiders in the fireplace. Spiders "bleeding out of the walls." A family in Missouri finally had enough of this nightmare and vacated the home they were sharing with 6,000 brown recluse spiders—but will the spiders ever leave?

A man in California was arrested on stalking and animal cruelty charges after allegedly killing his ex-girlfriend's Pomeranian and feeding him to her.

Dr. Michael Baden, a respected medical examiner and author of the private Michael Brown autopsy report, appeared on Fox News Monday night to speculate on whether marijuana could have made Brown "do things to a police officer that normally he would not have done." (Hint—no.)

The annual "mayfly hatch," as it's so charmingly known in towns along the Mississippi River, has yielded a specific kind of repulsion the past few days as the pests that commonly hatch along river towns have burst onto everything from gas pumps to soda machines to busy roads, causing car accidents.

As far as pranks go, having a man dressed up as a terrifying owl monster creep up on people scoping out an abandoned children's hospital is pretty good. What a great way to get some laughs out of people screaming for their lives because they thought they were going to be devoured by a monster. Just hilarious!

In what's becoming an unfortunate, infuriating tradition in the Lone Star State, another bar has scrawled the same offensive play on words for everyone to see. With chalk and a big pink heart.

After convincing doctors to let him keep the bone removed during his hip replacement operation, a Norwegian conceptual artist boiled it on "a whim" and then ate the flesh with potato gratin and a glass of wine. He claims the meat tasted like "wild sheep." Oh!