Sleep easy, shrub lovers: After years of terror, authorities in Boston have finally nabbed the infamous arboreal assassin known as the “Brighton Tree Ninja,” The Boston Globe reports.

A wealthy amusement-ride magnate and his partner returned home to their stately manse outside Orlando Wednesday night and were robbed by a trio of men who invaded the house dressed as ninjas.

This weekend, MTV ran a mini-marathon of three episodes of its best show (possibly ever), True Life. Though the episode title "I Want Respect for My Sect"4 seemed to hint at a portrait of militant Mormon fundamentalists, the actual show was even more off the wall (as if that seemed possible before it aired). Instead, it profiled a vampire (who says she was born that way), a furry (but not for "perverted" reasons), and Hannah, the Juggalo woman ("Juggalette") in the clip above, who struggled with the fact that her strict, Christian father did not approve with her upcoming Juggalo-themed wedding ceremony. He was fine with her getting married—he even accompanied Hannah and her Juggalo husband, Jeremy, to a ceremony at City Hall—he just didn't want to take part in the whole Juggalo thing. It wasn't, according to him, a traditional wedding.

It's a question that has plagued the minds of young children since time immemorial: Who is quieter — a Navy SEAL or a Ninja?

Police in Chicago say a teenager with gang ties tried to blame a self-inflicted gunshot to the groin on a pair of ninjas before eventually coming clean.

One movie theater in London believes it has found the ultimate solution to inconsiderate filmgoers: Sic ninjas on them.

A medical marijuana delivery in West Covina, Calif., was foiled early this morning after two men dressed as ninjas and wielding martial arts batons approached a deliveryman and stole a bag of cash and product.

Katherine M. Casarez apparently has some sort of "issue" with her former lovahhh. When the ex called her up early Friday morning in search of some of her special sexual stylings, she allegedly dressed up in her ninja suit and went over to his place—but not alone (dun dun dun).

Fully outfitted in Ninja-wear, this protector of the people has taken a vow to rid his backyard of the evil plastics that have plagued the world for years.

Danny Donaduce has hidden his impressive nunchuck-wielding skills from the world, until now. The video, along with the musical accompaniment of U2, speaks for itself.

While training to compete on Ninja Warrior this man proves to be more ass than assassin. At least It's better he embarrasses himself over here rather than in Japan.

Baby ninjas always hug it out after they kick their challenger's ass.

Three would-be muggers attempting to rob a German exchange student in Sydney were foiled by, uh, ninjas. You know. Like the turtles. The lesson, obviously, is "Don't mug people outside a goddamn ninja school." [Sydney Morning Herald]

Ninjas in the 21st Century apparently are still stealthy but have become more annoying as opposed to deadly.

Brazen Fifth Avenue Ninja Heist yesterday! Guys. Guys. Look. Ninja Heist!

Please sit down for this. Seriously, just do it. Actually, no, stand up. You will probably need to run away in terror. Because the combination of this kid's sword, his sweatpants, and his awesome mullet, will probably kill you.

Watch this kitty hang upside-down on the stairs.

"Alcohol likely played a role" in fence-jump impalement of self-proclaimed ninja.

"Vernon 'Ninja' Who Wanted To Beat Up Lieberman Arrested" [Courant via Gothamist]

Just as some had speculated, New York-based forensic scientist Michael Baden announced this afternoon that he has reviewed the case of David Carradine and ruled out the possibility of suicide, to which we say, duh!