A Daallo Airlines flight had been in the air over Somalia for only five minutes when a hole opened in the fuselage, sucking one man out of the plane and killing him.

This week a surprisingly long list of celebrities—including that kid from Love Actually, that girl from that TV show, and Patricia Clarkson—narrowly escaped a contractual fate worse than death: a movie premiere infested with bed bugs.

In an age where elaborately-staged marriage proposals and tearjerking pregnancy reveals are YouTube commonplace, self-proclaimed vloggers must now go to extreme lengths to achieve maximum virality when announcing their most personal family moments online. One man brought this terrifying reality into stark relief Wednesday when he posted a video titled, “HUSBAND SHOCKS WIFE WITH PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENT!”, in which he steals his wife’s urine and subsequently “surprises” her with her own positive pregnancy test.

“It’s a thing called ring avulsion. A-V-U-L-S-I-O-N. If you Google it, it’s graphic images. Don’t Google it. But ring avulsion, it’s a real thing...,” Jimmy Fallon said last night, describing the gruesome hand injury that kept him away from his show for two weeks and will now fuel your paranoid nightmares for a lifetime. Jimmy Fallon is a silly clown who enjoys a drink from time to time, but he is absolutely correct: don’t Google it.

The United States may now negotiate with terrorists, but one hero mom who had her nightmare son arrested after he started slaughtering hostage-chickens earlier this week certainly does not.

The classless douchebag best man who set down his Corona and took a knee to propose marriage to the maid of honor at someone else’s wedding—right in front of the bride and groom—may not be quite as classless as he appeared in the photo that set a thousand mouths afroth earlier this week. His new fiancée is the bride’s sister, and she told the New York Daily News she was the only one in the wedding party who didn’t know what was coming.

Hey Virginia teenagers, oooh bad news—the College Board just called and they lost your SATs and you have to take them all over again! For real, though.

A Florida pediatric dentist and possible demon from your nightmares made flesh is being sued by nearly 50 patients for allegedly performing unnecessary surgery on kids—pulling out their teeth for no reason, and in some cases hitting or choking them.

A New Zealand man was convicted Wednesday of forcibly removing teeth from four women’s mouths while he was having sex with them. Philip Lyle Hansen isn’t a licensed dentist, and the only thing qualifying to yank out his victims’ teeth is that he likes “fat, gummy women” and felt like he was helping them save money on dental bills.

After less than 10 minutes in the air, an Alaska Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing on Monday when a napping baggage handler woke up in the plane's cargo hold and began banging and screaming.

Look at this, a person who actually lived a nightmare scenario from hell that you might've dreamt during the worst sleep of your life: a Utah man showed up in a polo shirt during an important meeting with Barack Obama.

After roughly a decade of living in nightmarish captivity and being forced to view a man's exposed dick on a weekly basis, residents of one Charlotte, N.C. neighborhood are organizing to rise up against their nude oppressor.

On a flight from Nicaragua to Miami Sunday, a woman decided to test American Airlines' "no smoking" rule by lighting up on the plane. Even though everyone had seen her (and some of her fellow passengers were taking video), she tried to pin it on the guy sitting next to her. As in-flight annoyances go, smoking in an enclosed cabin is pretty bad—but that's just scratching the surface of what happened in this airborne waking nightmare.

In a car crash straight of your worst childhood fears, a pickup truck heading north on the top level of Interstate 93 near Boston hit a snow bank and flew off the freeway, landing in the southbound lane of the lower deck.

A Michigan family called 911 from their minivan early Wednesday morning to report that the vehicle's front end was stuck underneath a semi-trailer traveling down snowy I-75. A mom, dad, and their two adult children were trapped inside with no power and no heat, and the driver of the truck apparently didn't realize they were back there.

While treating a 50-year-old patient suffering from headaches, British doctors say they found a years-old tapeworm living in the man's brain. Additionally, added everyone, UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.

Well here's a nightmare: an "angry" ex-boyfriend of a Los Angeles high school teacher emailed nude photos of the teacher to over 250 students and staff, according to cops. Pasadena police say the ex-bf, 38-year-old David Galvan, sent the photos when science teacher Richard Rosa was out of the country.

TMZ reports that the Dekalb County Sheriff's Department has gotten multiple complaints about Honey Boo Boo mom Mama June Shannon's rekindled relationship with convicted child molester Mark McDaniel. Unfortunately, there's not much the department can do to keep McDaniel away from Mama June's kids.

Our eventual cession of global dominance to giant spiders came one step closer this month when a scientist detailed his encounter with a spider that weighs roughly as much as a puppy. The South American Goliath birdeater (real name!) has a footlong legspan and two-inch fangs. Its body is about the size of a fist and it is the largest spider in the world—that we know of.

An Australian man rather understandably says his trip to Bali was "ruined" when he had a horrifying run-in with a disturbingly determined spider.