· The Fifth Annual Bicycle Film Festival rolls into town tonight (oh stop it, everyone loves a lame pun) at the Anthology Film Archives. Blonde Redhead performs there tonight, Blockhead tomorrow. We're not sure what either has to do with two-wheeled transport devices, but we'll take it. [flavorpill]
· Love 'em or hate 'em, Fischerspooner play Canal Room tonight. [Upcoming]
· Recently married "pop culture critic" and "novelist" Touré (quotations intentional for whatever reason) interviews Joyce Carol Oates. It's so crazy, it just might work! [TONY]

· David Cross, Jonathan Ames and others discuss hating their fathers, loving their mothers, and other such hipster familial issues at Topic mag's "Family Roundtable" discussion. [flavorpill]
· Actors read the works of John Updike and John Edgar Wideman as part of Symphony Space's "Selected Shorts" series. We're as excited as you, we're just better at containing ourselves. [Paper]
· Pitchfork darlings Built to Spill play Irving Plaza tonight. Pitchfork whipping boys Weezer play Roseland. Time to pick sides. [Upcoming 2x]

· BAM's Rose Cinema hosts a tribute to the late Susan Sontag, featuring an array of her work and some obligatory Warhol footage. Be sure to bring your experimental nostalgia. [flavorpill]
· Jen Bekman's downtown gallery hosts an opening reception for John Glassie's Bicycles Locked to Poles, an exhibition of photographs featuring — you guessed it — bicycles locked to poles. [Jen Bekman]
· Ben Folds plays a sold-out show at Town Hall tonight; if don your horn-rimmed glasses and pretend to be one his former "Five," maybe you can weasel your way in. [Upcoming]

1) Colin Quinn, fellow SNLers Slovin and Allen, and Todd Barry, among others, make people laugh at Zipper Theater tonight to raise money for the 826NYC writing center. Like Dave Eggers doesn't already have enough of our collective money. [Flavorpill]

Friday:
· It's everything and the kitchen sink at Brooklyn Designs this weekend: over 40 local firms present the latest in everything from furniture to artwork to houseware, all constructed from the remnants of discarded Pabst cans. [flavorpill]
· Slate's David Edelstein offers up our favorite dig on Paris Hilton's acting chops in House of Wax thus far: "Her vacant expression with a steel rod through her head is no different from her expression the rest of the time." We're still totally seeing it anyway. [Fandango]
Saturday:
· Hip-hop's favorite laptop-wielding electo-nerd, Prefuse 73, takes the stage tonight at Bowery. [flavorpill]
· San Francisco's Barry McGee brings his street-infused "unique visual language" (we had to look that up) to Deitch Projects today for an exhibition titled "One More Thing." [Deitch]
Sunday:
· Australia's Lucksmiths bring their indie pop to the Knitting Factory tonight; make them feel at home by dumping Foster's on your head. [KF]

Great news for the unemployment posse! The uni-monikered Toshi, best known for throwing saintly parties in the Puck building where topless women serve drinks from an open bar to thousands of partygoers whom you've never heard of, is hiring:

· Wanna hold your own in a conversation on music without actually going through the trouble of listening to the stuff? Join the authors of "The Rock Snob*s Dictionary" (asterisk is intentional, not a drunken slip-up on our part) at Jack's Stir Brew Coffee for a reading replete with musical accompaniment. [Snob]
· Indie press not indie enough for you? Go celebrate the release of Pindeldyboz Magazine's 5th edition at Galapagos in Williamsburg, where everyone will be more underground than you. Special guests include Jollyship the Whizbang, likely the only punk-rock pirate puppet show on the planet. [Pindeldyboz]
· Mexican, Schmexican: Cinco de Mayo is just a convenient excuse to drink margaritas. Do it to it at the Delancey tonight, where 'Sup mag throws a partay with James F*cking Friedman on the decks. Again with the asterisk. [flavorpill]

Yesterday's discussion of a certain notorious bouncer has lead us to another nightlife blog, this time penned by an articulate bouncer working his way through graduate school (yes, that "goon" holding the velvet rope may indeed have a REAL LIFE beyond gatekeeping):

The new-and-improved Post is all over the rebirth of the rave scene but, with a picture like this, you know you needn't bother reading the actual article. As such, we're tackling William Van Meter's rave about raves with the handy AutoSummarize tool:

Lest you believe blogs fail to contribute to the cultural lexicon:

· Both the Caribou/Four Tet show at Bowery and the Decemberists show at Irving Plaza are sold out. And who says we never engage in service journalism? [flavorpill]
· Amanda McCall and Albertina Rizzo give out Hennessy and fresh-baked cookies (not kidding) at Coliseum Books to promote their book "Hold My Gold: A White Girl's Guide to the Hip-Hop World." We hope this event isn't half as heinous as the accompanying picture. [Coliseum Books]
· Attention all graduating collegians (you too, J-Schoolers): Looking for advice on how to ease that inevitable transition from dorm room back to mom and dad's couch? Check out the book release party of Boomerang Nation: How to Survive Living with Your Parents a Second Time Around" at Sugar tonight. Then stop wasting your parents' money on retarded self-help books and get a job. [Upcoming]

· Subcontinental literary delight Jhumpa Lahiri and New York Press fav Jonathan Safran Foer continue the plight to furnish P.S. 107 with a library at the next installment of the Readings on the Fourth Floor series in Park Slope. [flavorpill]
· Learn 101 different ways to kill pigeons. Seriously. [Staple Design]
· Hipster-Jew cross-pollination continues tonight at Sway, where Heeb magazine throws a party, as does David Deutsch and Joshua Neuman the publication of their new book ("The Big Book of Jewish Conspiracies.") [Heeb]

· P.S. 122 celebrates its 25th year of live theater tonight with producer David Binder, Mike Albo, and Lisa Kron, among others. We can hardly contain our excitement, and neither should you. Go riot or something. [flavorpill]
· Like elevator muzak, but better: New York's own space cadets The Books come to the Knitting Factory tonight. [KF]
· Conterversial Abolitionist John Brown used terrorist tactics against slavery to single-handedly change the course of United States history. (Yes, we had look him up, because we're proud of our public education.) Go hear English prof David S. Reynolds read from his new book on Mr. Brown at Barnes and Noble on 82nd Street. [Upcoming]

·Medeski Martin and Wood, which Neel the Intern says is Brooklyn's favorite jazzy improv triumvirate (don t worry we had to look it up, too), performs at the New York Hilton Ballroom to benefit the Elf Foundation for ailing children. [MMW]

·Talking heads from VH-1's "Best Week Ever" step out from behind the camera and onto the stage at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater to display their "raw nerve and sharp wit." That's what we were afraid of. Two shows at 8 and 10pm. [UBC]
·Mahjongg, Flavorpill tells us, has lyrics that are barely sung, riff-less guitars, and tenaciously tinny electronics. They tag it as "manically addictive post-punk" but we'd say it's really "moderately addictive post-punk." You decide. At the Knitting Factory, 9pm. [Favorpill]
·Hmmmm...Don't really know if we should go to a party presided over by "DJ Kill Whitey" (what if we're the only cracker there?!), but the Williamsburg Warriors (no comment) are holding a fundraiser or something (we skimmed) called, "Rezone This! Don't Supersize our Neighborhood" at Club Exit in Greenpoint tonight. So there it is. [ToddPNYC]
—NH

The peripatetic social diarist David Patrick Columbia left the coddled safety of lunch at Michael's earlier this week and journeyed downtown to check out the hot 'n' happening scene at R. Couri Hay's 25th birthday party (and he's never looked better, above) and then stop in for some after-party action at Bungalow 8. Sadly, the best-laid plans won't always get you laid.

Friday:
· Go see Elvis Costello, the man who paved the way for a generation of young hipsters to wear unsightly horn-rimmed glasses, at Beacon Theater tonight. [Paper]
· MoMA presents a past-and-present lineup of Sundance Film Festival, featuring works from Spike Jonze, Andrew Jarecki, and Peter Sollett. Be sure to sport the above-mentioned horn-rimmed glasses. [flavorpill]
Saturday:
· Dizzee Rascal, grime wunderkind and pepper spray afficiando, stops by Irving Plaza tonight. [flavorpill]
· Tonight's Shins show is sold out, but we're pretty sure you can beat up the kid with the Seth Cohen haircut reading Kavalier and Clay on the subway and steal his ticket. [Upcoming]
Sunday:
· LA-based comedy collective Mortified find humor in reading embarrasing diary entries, awful poetry, and hearbreaking tales of personal woe on stage. Go laugh at how marginally better your life is than theirs at The Tank tonight. [flavorpill]

· Looking to catch some good old Aussie power pop? Sorry, Ben Widdicombe can't sing. But the Down Under trio Neon hit up Mercury Lounge, if it's any consolation. [Mercury Lounge]
· RoseLee Goldberg pretty much wrote the book on performance art history. Seriously—she wrote Performance Art: From Futurism to the Present. Ask her what, exactly, that means at the panel discussion "Not for Sale: New Media and Sound" tonight, which she moderates at NYU's Einstein Auditorium. [flavorpill]
· Put on your Yarmulke and head over to 48 Wall Street for the 5th annual Downtown Seder, where you can pay $135 to eat Gefilte fish and hear luminary Jews from Al Franken to Dr. Ruth offer their interpretations from sections in the Haggadah. Sounds like a hoot. You're gonna feel guilty, whether you go or not. [Oyhoo]

· Prince Paul and Dan the Automator, collectively Handsome Boy Modeling School, perform at Irving Plaza tonight. Any group that features guest spots from both Mars Volta and Linkin Park on the same album probably requires a good deal of marijuana for listening (note: it's 4/20, and our inner frat boy compels us to make just one comment). [Irving]
· Supersystem's influences include Disemberment Plan, Q and Not U, and !!!. The sound of headliners Man Man can be described as "carnivalesque hobo-stomp." And somebody needs a job at Pitchfork. Mercury Lounge, 8:30pm. [flavorpill]
· 100 movi—er, films—12 countries, 5 days, and a whole lotta pretension: the Brooklyn Underground Film Festival kicks off at the Brooklyn Lyceum tonight. [WUNY]

· There's something about Mr. Peanut trolling the streets of the Meatpacking district in drag. Doesn't make any sense to us either, but we don't get paid enough to investigate further. [flavorpill]
· Robert De Niro hasn't made a noteworthy film in almost ten years (unfortunately, watching Meet the Parents baked on TBS doesn't make a film noteworthy), but his Tribeca Film Festival kicks off tonight with a screening of the Kidman/Penn vehicle The Interpreter. [TFF]
· Former Gawkette Elizabeth Spiers headlines the latest installment of the WYSIWYG Talent Show, titled "Minimum Rage: Work Slaves Revolt." Hey, you chose this whole blogging/being poor thing yourself, sister. [WYSIWYG]