• The Bar Mitzvah Disco Variety Show takes over Mo Pitkins, featuring authors, comedians, and "a smoke machine operator named Marty." And, of course, bar mitzvah videos. It'll definitely be more entertaining than your own entry into adulthood. [MoPitkins]
• (I Am) Nobody's Lunch examines "how news and information are disseminated, and the way in which each of us forms beliefs based on the knowledge we gather." Also, there's singing. Logically. [flavorpill]
• Jill Sobule, best known for her sarcastic teen anthem "Supermodel," steps out of the Clueless soundtrack and into respectability with a show tonight at Joe's Pub. Don't expect her to kiss a girl, though. That was just for the music video. [Paper]

• The first-ever WYSIWYG Film Festival, tonight at P.S. 122, features short films and videos from videobloggers. It's less dorky when you watch with a group. [Ovation]
• Over at the Sex Museum, Barbara Nitke presents an erotic slideshow and then discusses her pending lawsuit, Nitke and The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom vs. John Ashcroft. Boobies for all and hating on Ashcroft — just what the Founding Fathers intended. [MoS]
• The Coachella documentary screens at Union Square. It's not as cool as actually attending the festival, but it's not as sweaty or exhausting, either. [flavorpill]

• FishbowlNY blogger Rachel Sklar gives notice, as Mediabistro's dark goddess Laurel Touby has finally killed her happy disposition. Sklar lasted 10 months, which is a testament to her sheer strength and boa-blocking abilities. We'd say she'll be dearly missed, but it's not like she's dead or anything. In fact, she's alive more now than ever. Go free, young Sklar! [Media Mob]
• It's a lengthy, socialite-heavy blind item, but it's awfully intriguing. We're dying to know which Muffies and Sukies are involved! [NYSD]
• The Pink Elephant is back, but it's downgrading considerably to the likes of Crobar. For shame. [Jossip]
• 2006 should bring some fancy new hotels to NYC — assuming, you know, the damn things ever open. [New Yorkology]
• Musings on the separation of church and indie. [Pitchfork]
• New York City Restaurant Week starts today — enjoy it, as it's the one time it's almost OK to be fat in Manhattan. [NYCVisit]

• The Section Quartet brings some class to the Mercury Lounge with their classical chops and fancy instruments, which they'll use to interpret the work of Radiohead. Go and reminisce about the first time you heard Kid A. [flavorpill]
• Billy Joel takes a break from being a has-been to perform at Madison Square Garden. Just be careful walking home after the show: if Billy's behind the wheel, no one's safe. [Upcoming]
• Lars von Trier made a film for his senior thesis; it won Best Film at 1984 Munich Film Festival. Not to make you feel woefully inadequate about your college career or anything. [Paper]

We've spent the past few days feeling inexplicably refreshed and — dare we say it? — cheerful for absolutely no reason. Despite the dismal weather, we've hit the streets and loved them. Apropos nothing, we've smiled at strangers and enjoyed the little spring in our step. For the first time in ages, we can actually breathe and it feels lovely.

Friday:
• Serena Maneesh, the best thing to come from Norway since Kjartan Fl gstad, plays at Northsix. [Paper]
• Movies for socially-conscious people: Why We Fight, a level-headed look into the American War Machine, and How to Eat Your Watermelon in White Company (And Enjoy It), a documentary on the career of Melvin Van Peebles. [flavorpill]
Saturday:
• Sophie B. Hawkins (yes, that one) performs at the Canal Room tonight. Go on: it's not embarassing once it's for nostalgia's sake. [Upcoming]
Sunday:
• Writers Working features contemporary authors reading from works-in-progress. Go and tell James Oliver Cury, Jen Nails, Intern Hugh and others what they're doing wrong before it's too late. [WW]
• Pantsless fun on the subway? We're so in. [Improv Everywhere]

Put down your lunch and bust out your glitter-flecked black eyeliner! It's time for Blue States Lose, where we get off on sorting through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night s Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don t have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday. After the jump, Joey Arak teaches you to appreciate the dirty scent of the disaffected masses.

• Under the Radar 2006, running tonight through Sunday, presents 14 contemporary theater pieces at the Public Theater and its partner locations. Seeing as the pieces are of the "too hip to be popular" genre, we imagine you'll have no problem scoring tix. [flavorpill]
• Stars Like Fleas, Charles Atlas and Roxy Pain, who "shoot deathrays from their eyeballs," perform at Tonic. Who could ask for anything more? [Upcoming]
• Filmmaker Michael Ferris Gibson spent 24 hours on Craigslist and walked away with a movie. Not quite as good as a guinea pig or a free room and board in exchange for sex, but you can't be lucky all the time. [Paper]

The cast of Love Monkey: Just like you and your friends, except for that black guy.

• Screening at the Film Forum, The Fall of Fujimori documents the corrupt and inhumane career of the ex-Peruvian dictator Alberto Fujimori — who, despite his dishonest past, is "still popular among Peruvians." Documentary movie stars, they get away with everything. [flavorpill]
• In order to write her memoir The Year of Yes, Maria Dahvana Headley agreed to go out with every person who asked her for an entire year. The working assumption behind this premise being that people actually ask writers out — GUFFAW! Barnes & Noble on Astor Place at 7. [Paper]
• The Bon Savants play at the Mercury Lounge, with Billioniare Boys Club and 1986 opening. Clever names for clever people. [Upcoming]

• Arthur Danto, professor of philosophy and ridiculous event titles, lectures at the School of Visual Arts on "Embodied Meanings as Aesthetic Ideas." [flavorpill]
• Hiroshima Mon Amour, a French movie set in Japan, gives you twice the bang for your cultural buck at the French Institute. Thrifty and uplifting, we're sure. [Paper]
• Hard-Fi, the newest incarnation of the British band that comes to town and takes all our women and booze, plays at the Bowery Ballroom tonight. [Upcoming]

• For the priviliged individuals who actually practice federal holidays, Come Share the Dream includes discussion, music, and a documentary in the city's largest tribute to MLK. [flavorpill]
• A little less respect and a lot more vodka is involved in Sweet Paprika, the comedy show hosted by Allison Castillo and Ophira Eisenberg. Tonight's show kicks off at 9 at The D-Lounge, 101 East 15th Street.
• This second comedy show is different from the first in that it's called "Tell Your Friends" and it's being held at Lolita at 8. Feel free to make other distinctions as you wish. [Upcoming]

• Lindsay Lohan continues to thrive after her "asthma attack" and Vanity Fair's "appalling" suggestion that she likes to boot and rally — due in no small part to the support of her mother Dina, who guzzles champagne with her daughter at B8 until the wee hours. [Page Six]
• Speaking of our fair young starlet, we too hear that Lohan hit up Saturday Night Live while "bloody cunt" Scarlett Johansson was hosting. But, well, was Lohan actually allowed to stay? [R&M (last item)]
• Rather than do an all-out blind item guessing game, we'll just put it this way: Clay Aiken, this is your life. [Page Six]
• If you care, the Golden Globes are tonight, and GQ editor Jim Nelson is getting everyone all liquored up for the event. Related: Can a glossy exist without extravagant, pricey parties? [Lowdown]
• Forbes.com wine pro Nick Passmore makes a total ass of himself while attempting to review Philippe. [Page Six]
• Desperate not to be forgotten by Brangelina's fetus, Matt Damon and his Anon-a-Wife are expecting a baby girl. [Scoop]

Friday:
• One, Two, Three, the Jimmy Cagney Cold War classic, plays tonight through Thursday at the Film Forum. If you were hoping for a little less crime and a little more puppetry, the Landmark Sunshine screens The Muppet Movie at midnight. [flavorpill & Paper]
• "Too Art for TV" combines animation and Fighting-the-Man in a display of art from "animated minds long repressed by television's corporate demands." The Stay Gold Gallery (451 Grand St. Brooklyn, NY) hosts an opening reception tonight from 7-11.
Saturday:
• The English Beat's Friday show is sold out, but tickets are still available for Saturday night at the Canal Room. Hurry; the demand for British ska from the 80s is obviously very, very high. [flavorpill]
• Akron/Family plays at the Knitting Factory tonight. To save you some time, we'll go ahead and tell you: it's a city in Ohio. [Upcoming]
Sunday:
• The dancing kids will be at Avalon for "I Have a Dream," which features "a who's who of the teeth-grinding circuit." MLK did not die in vain. [Sunday]

After a few weeks' vacation, everyone's favorite Friday treat is back like your cold sore. It's time for Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday. After the jump, let Joey Arak guide you through hipster hell.

Dude, what are you doing tonight? Oh, shit, you don't have plans? Awesome, 'cause T-Brah just booked this totally bumping Party Bus for tonight! Seriously, yo: this fucking bus, man, it'll pick you up and take you wherever you want. Like, Murray Hill and the Meatpacking District and all that hotness. But, swear, you're not even gonna want to leave the bus. You can fucking smoke and drink in that bitch, yeah, whatever you want. We're all going, and Rob even called those two strippers — yeah, the Tampa girls, you KNOW it — to come along, 'cause this motherfucker has POLES in it! The entire pledge class is signed up for tonight — aw, God, it's gonna be so awesome.

• 'Hoos in the Media features UVA alums and a discussion on "issues facing the media today," like bitches, skanks and hoos. (We had to, really.) [UVANYC]
• Coporeal, opening tonight at PPOW Gallery, features a compilation of Carolee Schneemann's "edgy and often under-the-radar" work. That's code for "wildly unpopular but likely to become appreciated once she's long dead." [flavorpill]
• We Are Scientists plays the Bowery Ballroom tonight. Urban Outfitters sells an ironic t-shirt with the same slogan tomorrow. [Upcoming]

Silly us: When we reported yesterday that Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan had hit the Lower East Side's faux-hip Dark Room, we assumed their night had peaked with Lohan using a Sharpie and a bathroom wall to express her feelings about that "cunt" Scarlett Johansson. We were certain that they went home after that, nice and early, like the responsible ladies we all know them to be.

• Those who can't perform, produce. Those who produce and then, on the side, insist on performing until Kanye West's label finally signs them, call themselves SA-RA Creative partners. Tonight at the Canal Room. [flavorpill]
• The 92nd Street Y hosts Philip Seymour Hoffman for a screening and discussion of his Oscar-rocket Capote. Truman himself apprently debuted In Cold Blood (the film's subject) from the very same room. Just to add to the "specialness" factor. [Paper]
• An RSVP and (at least) two corduroy items are required at the second meeting of The Corduroy Appreciation Club, tonight at the Dove. Just wanted to get the rules out there, because it's important that everyone take this seriously. [Corduroy Club]

We hear that last night at about 11:30, none other than Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss sauntered into the Dark Room during the Tarts of Pleasure DJ set. Apparently the BFFs were looking for a venue where they wouldn't be noticed, so Last Year's Favorite Blow Bar seemed an appropriate choice for two "recovered" drug users. The ladies stayed there for the remainder of the night (presumably because they love hanging out with folks like Carlos D and My Chemical Romance); over the course of the evening, Lohan expressed her fondness for Gang of Four while Moss laid low and acted model-like.