Blue States Lose
Put down your lunch and bust out your glitter-flecked black eyeliner! It's time for Blue States Lose, where we get off on sorting through the galleries of fucked-up hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night s Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don t have to. Then we bring you our 10 favorites each Friday. After the jump, Joey Arak teaches you to appreciate the dirty scent of the disaffected masses.
Kind of an off-week, gang. Misshapes is still a week behind on photos, and inspiration across the other sites were lacking. And what gives? Just one Last Night's Party blog post?! Highly disappointing, but let it not keep us from presenting the Last Night's Party Blog Moment of the Week, from this interview with a male go-go dancer named "Blue:"
"I was dancing to 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' one night and I was hitting every beat. It was a constant hitting every beat then the song ended and I was on the platform and I just threw my hands up and it felt like I was at the Gardens it was an applause that filled the club and every hair on my body just stood up."
Uplifting! On to the list. Note the VERY EXTRA SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
10) Misshapes. January 7, 2006 photo #077: Wow, that's really a shocker! Jesus Christ, we're all for obvious statements, but c'mon dude. That's like going to a Rangers game and wearing a Rangers jersey to show all the other Rangers fans just how much you like the Rangers. No shit you like the Rangers! Or else you wouldn't be dealing with putting up with an insanely annoying mass of people. Goddamn, someone needs to throw PCU on his Netflix queue so he can watch Jeremy Piven's speech about being a "that guy." That's the old Jeremy Piven, of course, before he started getting his real life and his fictional characters confused.
9) Last Night's Party. Stolen Transmission 2 photo #2394: These hip, underground Lower East Side parties are getting so cool and exclusive, only paralegals in their "nighttime accessories" can gain entry. What ever are the poor hiptards to do?
8) Misshapes. January 7, 2006 photo #204: The irony of wearing a "Die Hipster Scum" T-shirt to Misshapes, as intentional as it may be, is still enough to make your head explode. But let's say you've done all the calculations and you've got your results, and your brain is still somehow intact. Well, friend, perhaps you'd like to know where that T-shirt came from. WHO'S DEAD NOW?!
7) Misshapes. January 7, 2006 photo #227: "I wear this sack to remind me that I'm an idiot."
6) Misshapes. January 7, 2006 photo #235: "Look at me, I'm a silly janitor! Hahaha, isn't that hilarious?!?! ...Oh shit. Thinking about actually having a real job just gave me the chills. Quick, Leotard Fantastic! Caress me!"
5) The Cobrasnake. Kings of Xenii photo #9796: Why don't those anti-drug organizations use ads like this to get their message across instead of some crazy bitch smashing up her kitchen with a frying pan or some stoned teenagers running over a girl on a tricycle while peeling out of a Burger King parking lot? This is like some terrifying Pete Doherty-meets-the-Olsen-twins public service announcement, and we're never ever ever drinking a cup of promethazine again.
4) The Cobrasnake. Collector's Edition photo #7383: If we started a Don't by saying, "So Steve Aoki, Princess Coldstare and a Madden brother walk into a Dim Mak party...," you would say, "C'mon, asshole! That's the oldest setup in the book!" Yes, friends, but we are nothing if not honest. In fact, this one is so easy, we're not even going to bother filling in a punchline. Instead, we're going to have you do it!
Announcing the first ever Blue States Lose contest. Just e-mail your hilarious punchline to the beginning of that joke to tips@gawker.com with the subject line BSL Contest before Monday, and the winning entry will be given props in a very special Gawker entry. And then Steve Aoki and Unnamed Madden will use their millions to hire someone to assasinate you in the most fabulous way possible. We're thinking ... Decapitation by a diamond-studded Bloc Party 7"?
3) The Cobrasnake. Intern Adidas photo #0649: The reason we're so fucking in love with this photo is because when we were trying to describe it to a friend, we had to say, "No no no! Bigger! Like Kid 'n Play!" Any time someone forces us to conjure up the name of Christopher "Kid" Reid, that's good for at least #3, you know?
2) Last Night's Party. NC-17 photo #1642: Often times we're posed the question, "Dear BSL, I love going to Misshapes and Rated X and all these other dance parties, but how will I know when I've been in the game a little too long?" Well, Johnny, that's a very very good question...
1) The Cobrasnake. Kings of Xenii photo #0076: Did you read that Nick Sylvester "Ripster" essay in the Village Voice? It was a hilarious romp about hipsters working out to maintain their hipsterness. Well, we have it on realiable inside information that the only reason the essay was accompanied by an illustration was because the Village Voice didn't want to pay the fee to license this photo. This will be the best exercise DVD of all time.