Friday:
• Good Friday is for suckas. Collective:Unconscious presents Pinchbottom's Sub:Conscious, a new monthly burlesque show (as there weren't enough monthly burlesque shows crowding Manhattan). This week's theme, just in time for the holidays: blasphemy. [Pinchbottom]
• New monthly thing, continued: Injection is a series of benefit concerts, kicking off tonight at the Brooklyn Lyceum, with proceeds going to a relief organization in New Orleans. Put your money to good use. Just this once. [Injection]
Saturday:
• Find the irony: Measles Mumps Rubella are "chic-punk" band with a "groove-happy disposition." Golly, we bet they're contagious. [flavorpill]
• It's the biggest thing to happen to Post-Its since Sex and the City: Monkey Town hosts a Post-It Note Reading, featuring This American Life's David Rakoff and Starlee Kine. Cross your fingers for some neon colors. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• Keep Kosher at Meshuganeh Comedy, an evening of Jewish comics. We're not sure how it's different from any other comedy show in Manhattan, but you work with what you have. [Upcoming]

Just in time for the resurrection, our personal messiah Joey Arak emerges from his tomb to bring us the latest installment of Blue States Lose. For your sins, he'll sort through the galleries of Sparks-addled hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, the greasy people make the Easter bunny cry.

• The choreography of Still Smoking "reflects both the theatrical grandeur and the raw everyday rituals of city life." Because there's a lot of grandeur in huddling on a freezing street corner with a bunch of grimy strangers. [flavorpill]
• Taste the terror: Biodynamic Wine Tasting features organic wines that come from self-sustaining vineyards. Try and get past all the intimidating words — we're talking free booze here, people. [Upcoming]
• Gang Gang Dance plays at NYU. Yes, that does sound a lot like Gang Bang Dance, and so it's encouraged. [Paper]

• Cristina Henriquez of New Yorker fame reads from her short-story collection Come Together, Fall Apart tonight at the Chelsea Barnes & Noble. If you go, try not to think of the title as a directive. [Cristina Henriquez]
• A variety show, a dating contest, and a hot dog eating contest, all wrapped into one: Love Ahoy! takes over Galapagos Art Space. Nautical stuff is so in right now. [Love Ahoy]
• Wilderness and the Big Sleep play at Northsix tonight. Or you could rent the movie and spare yourself the inevitable Pabst hangover. [flavorpill]

• AMI editorial director Bonnie Fuller appears — in the flesh — to read from her new book. If you're lucky, maybe she'll autograph your favorite Photoshopped Star cover. [Paper]
• Psapp delights at the Mercury Lounge tonight, which may mean nothing until we tell you that they "sing" the theme song for Grey's Anatomy. Now you're excited. We can tell. [flavorpill]
• On the other end of the reading spectrum, celebrity-gossip-writer-turned-good Shari Goldhagen gives a reading of her new book Family and Other Accidents tonight at the Corner Bookstore. Disclaimer: She's engaged to Deadspin editor Will Leitch, so be sure to hit her with lots of obscure sports trivia. We bet she'll love that.

• The only thing hipper than a graphic novel right now is a graphic novel come to life, complete with a musical score. Try on the new black with the Rosenbach Company, tonight at Joe's Pub. [flavorpill]
• Two-for-one Ibsen: MoMA screens A Doll's House and Nora Helmer, two film takes on the gold standard in Norwegian tragic theater. If you're going to be bored, might as well be bored on a budget. [Paper]
• Looking for some care-free Monday fun? Check out "Divining the Tea Leaves: A Post Elections Analysis of the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict" tonight at the New School. Next week: Tarot cards tackle Iraq. [Upcoming]

Friday
• Jennifer Aniston finally vindicates herself (without the use of a bloated boyfriend) in Friends with Money, opening today. We hear it's good. No, really. [flavorpill]
• Jack White's other band, the Raconteurs, hits up Irving Plaza tonight. Go and scream at 'em to play "Seven Nation Army." Bet they'll love that. [Paper
Saturday:
• Art is all around us, as the Brooklyn Poster Show proves by making an exhibit out of rock posters. Also, there are free drinks. We buried the lede. [Paper]
• The Bowery Ballroom presents Lake Trout with the Harlem Shakes. Neither are edible, alas. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• It's time for the Freedom Festival, where undiscovered bands fight the man and rally against the music industry's corruption. Or so they do until they get a record deal. [Upcoming]

For most people, Friday means 9-5 laziness followed by binge drinking. For us, Friday means Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of beautifully retarded hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak sprinkles his fairy dust.

• Quality of Life is the #1 underground film according to MySpace. Seriously, do you need another reason?[Paper]
• Tomorrow night's Neko Case show is all sold out, but you can still hop on the bandwagon for tonight. That would techinically make you ahead of the curve. [BB]
• The Occidental Guest is a mixed-media display of the sort of post-post-post-craziness one has come to expect from artist Matthew Barney. Go for the inscrutable intellectualizing, stay for the probable Bjork sighting. [flavorpill]

• The Whigs, Rolling Stone's latest darlings, trek all the way from Athens, GA to play at Pianos tonight. Catch them now, while they're still unsigned and unspoiled and still excited to play at fucking Pianos. [Pianos]
• ESPN.com's Dan Shanoff leaves the satellite television just long enough to host the first-ever Varsity Letters reading, where sports writers share those very important life lessons they learned during the big game. See what happens when jocks learn to type tonight at Happy Ending. [Varsity Letters]
• A Road Map of the Soul, a festival of Krzysztof Kieslowski's films, will teach you everything about moral dilemmas and the human condition, but it won't teach you how to say his name. Some things are better left secret. [flavorpill]

This just in from an operative reporting on Hollywood nightlife queen-in-exile Amanda Scheer Demme's current whereabouts:

• A ballet inspired by yoga and NPR: it really can't get yuppier than the James Sewell Ballet's "Guy Noir." Stroke your inner Bobo tonight at the Joyce Theater. [flavorpill]
• Down on Hipster Lane, Bowery Ballroom hosts Art Brut with The Ponys and Bling Kong. Show your Pitchfork Media card at the door and enjoy free attitude all night! [WUNY]
• The Suitors, the debut novel from Ben Ehrenreich (son of Barbara), is earning young Mister Fancypants comparisons to Jonathan Safran Foer. Shower him with pellets of jealousy at the Astor Place Barnes & Noble. [Paper]

• Jason Forrest and Duran Duran Duran (no, not a typo) hit Northsix tonight. Enjoy some live music, or yell "Hungry Like the Wolf!" between songs and piss off everyone around you. Whichever you like. [flavorpill]
• S-O-S-H-U-L R-E-J-E-K-T-Z: The Scrabble Club for Bad Spellers convenes tonight at the 11th Street bar. Beware the undercover spelling bee champion, who'll take you for every last vowel. [Upcoming]
• 2+ hours of Bj rk on film? Thank god; tonight was shaping up to be rather uneventful. [Paper]

Friday:
• You remember Lysistrata from high school — it's the Greek play where the women withhold sex until the men stop warring. Giggle inappropriately like you did back then, tonight at the New York City Opera. [flavorpill]
• David Sedaris, the Gay Ambassador to the Red States and the Reading Ambassador to People Who Don't Usually Do So, hits Town Hall tonight. Hop on the bandwagon and see if you can spot Hugh. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
• An 80s face-off: both the Pretenders and the Flaming Lips still exist, and they're playing at Town Hall and Webster Hall, repectively. Decide whether "Back on The Chain Gang" or "She Don't Use Jelly" is more important to you, and proceed accordingly. Either way, you'll only be staying for the one song. [Upcoming]
• Wanting a little more from your music? With their powers combined, Kieran Hebden and Steve Reid do something involving jazz, electronics, and improvisation that will surely fit your elitist needs. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• It's sunny and warm. Spend some time outside, you pasty douche.

Why are the children smiling? Because it's time again for our Friday fuckwit funfest, Blue States Lose. You know the drill: We sort through the galleries of the developmentally disabled hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak shows you his spirit fingers.

Paper magazine threw their 9th annual "Beautiful People" party at Hiro last night, where they celebrated their issue by the same name. As we understand it, this is the issue that's unofficially devoted to the children of celebrities (Stella Keitel, Jodi Guber, Julia Restoin Roitfeld, Sophie Auster, amongst others), because only rich kids grown in bubbles are beautiful. To break up the genetically famousness of it all is coverboy Antony Hegarty, of the critically acclaimed Antony and the Johnsons, who was scheduled to play a set for the invite-only crowd.

Two weeks ago the Times — both in print and in a video walking tour — directed its readers to the wonders of Menahata, the crazy second-floor Bulgarian bar at Broadway and Canal. Just days later, word came that the bar would be temporarily shut down while the building housing it was under construction. But now there's worse news, as reported by the blog Slavs of New York:

• Jonathan Lethem's Motherless Brooklyn is "celebrated," while Darin Struass's Chang and Eng is "internationally best-selling." Pick the winner at their joint-reading tonight at NYU. [CWP]
• The Belladonna of Sadness is not, in fact, a Jennifer Aniston documentary, but rather a little-known Yamamoto animated erotic masterpiece. Next week: the lost Smurf porno epic. [flavorpill]
• The Editors are sold out, but you can make a concert in your apartment with Ben Cho's new show on East Village Radio. It's just the same as a live show. Promise. [Upcoming & Paper]

We hate to think we'd left you in a state of suspense regarding Amanda Scheer Demme's various nightlife interests after yesterday's post about her alleged shitcanning by her bosses at the Roosevelt Hotel. Both TMZ and Page Six have updates about Demme's fate, which her reps are spinning as a "buyout" (which seems technically true, since we assume it would cost the hotel some cash to tear up her contract). Says TMZ: