Friday:
 • You remember Lysistrata from high school — it's the Greek play where the women withhold sex until the men stop warring. Giggle inappropriately like you did back then, tonight at the New York City Opera. [flavorpill]
• David Sedaris, the Gay Ambassador to the Red States and the Reading Ambassador to People Who Don't Usually Do So, hits Town Hall tonight. Hop on the bandwagon and see if you can spot Hugh. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
 • An 80s face-off: both the Pretenders and the Flaming Lips still exist, and they're playing at Town Hall and Webster Hall, repectively. Decide whether "Back on The Chain Gang" or "She Don't Use Jelly" is more important to you, and proceed accordingly. Either way, you'll only be staying for the one song. [Upcoming]
• Wanting a little more from your music? With their powers combined, Kieran Hebden and Steve Reid do something involving jazz, electronics, and improvisation that will surely fit your elitist needs. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
 • It's sunny and warm. Spend some time outside, you pasty douche.