Your Pinot Gris is so last week: according to the Sunday Styles, rosé is the new hotness,* being stylishly sipped by everyone from Russell Simmons to Jay McInerney to beloved Misshapes Leotard Fantastic and the Other Guy (at right). West Village gastropub the Spotted Pig is touted as carrying five rosés on its wine list, and owner Ken Friedman says, "Ros has replaced prosecco and cosmos as the new chick drink." (We totally missed that prosecco thing.) And if it's good enough for Carrie Bradshaw, it's good enough for every other misguided soul hoping to achieve such an intangible level of chic.

More from the Pig:

Friday:
• Embrace the relative cool with Hot Chip and Oppenheimer at the South Street Seaport. The free music should make up for any odor complaints. [flavorpill]
• Learn how to pronounce Quincea era at an indie theater near you. Bonus points if you roll the appropriate consonants. [TONY]

Not angry sun nor blistering heat can hold down the dancing children of Blue States Lose. And so it's time for our weekly exercise in eye-bleeding, where we look at the silly hipsters on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak puts ice cubes on your nipples.

• Make your way over to the Whitney and check out Walter de Maria's Hardcore. Alas, it's visual art and not porn, but you can't win them all. [flavorpill]
• The Onion's monthly comedy series debuts tonight at Joe's Pub; you won't get Jean Teasdale, but Michael Ian Black should suffice. [NYM]
• Times columnist William Rhoden reads from his book The $40 Million Slaves: The Rise, Fall and Redemption of the Black Athlete, in which he likens the sports industry to a plantation. Yeah, that's not going to raise an eyebrow or anything. [Paper]

• RockDocs 2006 brings a little life to Lincoln Center with 9 days of concert documentaries. You, know just to remind you of what you missed at Coachella or Bonnaroo or whatever. [flavorpill]
• Try to figure out why in God's name special The View co-host Lisa Loeb is hosting a screening of The Warriors tonight at Coney Island. Or just ask her yourself at the accompanying Q&A. [WUNYC]
• Today's air-conditioned activity is brought to you by the good people at the Brooklyn Museum, who offer a collection of indoor graffiti for your viewing pleasure. [TONY]

• If you don't pass out from heat stroke, you will from the high pitched splendor of the New York Grand Opera, which performs Tosca in Central Park. Cancelled, too damn hot. [Paper]
• Summerscreen offers Bottlerocket to be enjoyed on the concrete wonder that is the McCarren Park Pool. It's Williamsburg, so bring your water wings just for irony's sake. [WUNYC]
• And tonight's wisest choice: BAM's Rose Cinema features the films of Sam Peckinpah and air-conditioning. $10.50 has never seemed more reasonable. [flavorpill]

• Rise to the occasion at Stain's Blackout Party, honoring that time three years ago when the power went out. Because that doesn't happen often around here. [Paper]
• Jessica Ciocci demonstrates both her spelling and craft skills with P.E.A.C.E., tonight through Friday at Foxy Production. [flavorpill]
• The Black Heart Procession brings its melacholy to Bowery Ballroom. Or maybe it's the other way around. [Prefix]

Friday:
• Um, hello? Is there any question that you'll spend tonight admiring Jamie Foxx's rippled back? Obviously you can feel it coming in the air tonight. [TONY]
• The Kung Fu Importance of Being Earnest plays at the Brick Theater. Not the cleverest title, but Oscar Wilde + the Crane = enjoyable randomness. [flavorpill]

It's time for our weekly refresher on the latest bandana trends, wherein we sift through the hundreds of hipstard photos on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak touches you in an inappropriate way.

We may blithely skip about our safe and syringe-free streets, but if you're young and drunk (and at heart, who isn't?), this town will still shoot you or rape you or bludgeon you, leaving your body to be found on the side of a lonely road, outside of a crap club or in a dumpster.

• The Bronx and waterlillies aren't the most obvious bedmates, but glass artist Dale Chihuly brings them together tonight at the New York Botanical Gardens. Also, there's a wine stand. [flavorpill]
• Do you remember Kara Janx from Project Runway 2? We have a vague recollection of someone who couldn't sew, which is all the more reason to go see her fall collection. Also, there's free Midori. [WUNYC]
• The Hold Steady play for free at Castle Clinton. No free booze to speak of, but we're sure you'll find a way. [Paper]

• Put on your helping hat at tonight's benefit for the Ali Forney Center, which provides medical care and other outreach to homeless LGBT youths. Performers include Antony and the Johnsons, Matmos, and CocoRosie. [flavorpill]
• Jaws screens at the Hudson River. As if you needed another reason not to avoid sunlight and water. [WUNYC]
• Sherrill Tippin gives a reading from February House, the 2005 book detailing the salon-cum-brothel where Carson McCullers, W.H. Auden, Jane and Paul Bowles, and Gypsy Rose Lee made their homes. Ah, back when writers used to get ass. [Paper]

• Free movies are nice and all, but a laser show! That's worth a ride on the L any day. [flavorpill]
• Adam Green brings his nonsensical lyrics to the masses at the Virgin Megastore. Rock out to some Jabberwocky tonight at 6:30. [Prefix]
• Celebrate 10 years of comedians being too lazy to write scripts at the UCB's ASSSCAT. [Upcoming]

• Tonight at the quite arbitrary time of 8:45, "Conversationalist comedian" Andrew Lederer does a fundraising preview of his show "Anthology." Skip your latte and donate a couple dollars to the cause. [MySpace]
• The African All-Star Festival features Konono N 1 for your percussion pleasure. Every Monday needs a little likembe. [flavorpill]
• Enjoy the chance to sit outside for more than 5 seconds without passing out by hitting up a free screening of The Band Wagon. [WUNYC]

Friday:
• Os Mutantes, Brazilian 60s pop superstars, play Webster Hall in a reunion tour of sorts. Slap on your Havaianas and join the fun. [flavorpill]
• For those of you who always wondered whether that little flashing red light in the corner was a camera: tonight's sex series at the Anthology Film Archives features "Captured: A Film/Video History of the Lower East Side." [Paper]

No apocalyptic heat wave can keep the children from dancing, and so we celebrate them with Blue States Lose, our weekly socio-anthropological examination of the hipster borg. In our quest for understanding, we make fun of stupid-looking photos on The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak shakes what his mama gave him.

• Movies with a View screens the Hitchcock classic Strangers on a Train. Make sure to bring a subway buddy for the ride home. [flavorpill]
• The Sugarhill Gang performs for free tonight. BYO cutesy grandma. [Upcoming]
• Monsters are Waiting performs tonight at Pianos. Go get your 2003 on. [Paper]

• The UCB kids take to the Great Outdoors with a free spazzfest at Central Park Summerstage. Don't knock it 'til you've paid for it. [Upcoming]
• Bravo Silva plays with a band that has a guy from Broken Social Scene. Next week: six degrees of Neutral Milk Hotel. [Paper]
• Strange Powers features art inspired by the eerie, other-worldly side. You know, like your roommate's closet. [flavorpill]

Imagine a place so tiny and densely packed with scene-whores, celebrities, and assorted industry VIP types that not even light (or an agent who's suddenly run out of coke and needs to call his connection before the mactress he's keeping high gets tired of him) can escape. If you can picture such a black hole of pure Hollywood clusterfuckery, you have a pretty good handle on the scene at Hyde. Because we know there is little in this world more satisfying than knowing who you weren't hanging out with last night behind the velvet rope, enjoy these reports of who turned up at Hyde last night, according to a pair of operatives:

• "China's most progressive multimedia artists" try to make that title more than just a relative term with S[CR]EE[N]ING CHINA. [flavorpill]
• Nothing says 30th Birthday Party like a roller disco. P.S.1 kicks off a year of rocking birthday parties tonight at the Roxy. [Paper]
• Talib Kweli makes the line at the Apple Store that much longer. [WUNYC]