Nick Cannon has confirmed the rumor that he and Mariah Carey have split, The Insider reports. He told the talkie rag that they've been living apart for months. Love is fleeting, but the image of him masturbating to her song "Hero" is eternal.

America might like Nick Cannon's lame jokes, but New Yorkers definitely don't.

R&B diva/proud songwriter/walking Lisa Frank sticker book Mariah Carey renews her vows to her husband Nick Cannon every year. I put it that way because it is clear that Mariah is pulling the strings in this relationship, including the one attached to Nick's back that delivers compliments on demand, like he's a custom-made Talking Pee-Wee Herman Doll: "You're #beautiful, just like the title of your upcoming stone groove smash hit wonder with Miguel, Mariah!" "You are the biggest selling female recording artist of all time, Mariah!" "Pee on me!" You know, things of that nature.

PR email blasts take on a kind of terrifying, poetic majesty at this time of year. Some caps become all caps; "don't-miss" becomes "can't-miss"; I have now read the words "burlesque" and "cabaret" so many times that they have lost all meaning. Everything is burlesque. All things are burlesque. Nothing is burlesque. Endless cabarets. The limit does not exist.

Nick Cannon was on Howard Stern's Sirius show today, so of course he was talking about weird shit and of course it concerned his favorite topic, his wife Mariah Carey. That's sweet and undoubtedly key to getting along with her (you know how much she loves her lambs), but it's rare to hear so much revealed about a woman of such stature via her husband. Every interview yields a new Mariah anecdote. (Fun fact: He once confirmed to me that she will remind him that she's the biggest-selling female recording artist of all time in order to win an argument.)

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon showed off their six-month-old twins for the first time on 20/20 on Friday night. But the babies—a son named Moroccan and daughter named Monroe—came at a high price for Carey, as you'll see in this clip of her discussing her pregnancy with Barbara Walters.

Prince Harry is apparently dating a cocktail waitress from San Diego who looks kind of like his sister-in-law. Kim Kardashian is not divorcing, uh, what's-his-name. And Mariah Carey's babies are finally photographed. Saturday gossip wants Lindsay Lohan to send it 30 In-n-Out burgers.

Lindsay Lohan crashes, and then gets kicked out of, Marc Jacobs' party. Tareq Salahi receives a picture of a penis in his mail—a penis we are reasonably sure does not belong to Justin Timberlake. Saturday gossip is here!

Lindsay Lohan meant to give an interview before today's court appearance, but freaked out and locked herself in her bedroom instead. Hugh Hefner's wedding special is back on. Tobey Maguire and Matt Damon get caught up in a illegal poker scandal. Thursday gossip makes demands.

Amy Winehouse pulls the plug on her entire concert tour. Chris Brown accidentally tweets a private message for Rihanna. Kanye West hides his girly alcohol preferences. Tuesday gossip says no, no, no.

Gwyneth Paltrow gets pulled over by the NYPD. Heidi Montag works out 14 hours a day and has "shooting pains" in her breasts. Beyonce's mother is a diva. A new Miss USA is crowned. Monday gossip fought the law.

Child Protective Services drops by the hospital to pay Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon a visit. Miranda Lambert "harvests" some venison for her wedding. Arnold and Sly go out for lunch. Sunday gossip is just friends with Salman Rushdie, really.

Scarlett Johansson isn't pregnant, but maybe she wants to be? Matthew Perry returns to rehab. Lindsay Lohan hires a new publicist. (As if that will help.) Friday gossip is optimistic.

Yesterday Mariah Carey hinted that the names of her twins, with child bride Nick Cannon, will both start with the letter M. Now she's actually announced their full names and one of them is very funny!

Beyonce's dress isn't ready for her jelly. January Jones shows off her baby bump. Confederate flag enthusiast Kid Rock gets an award from the NAACP. Charlie Sheen hangs out amid "rotting food." Here's your Tuesday gossip.

Glitter star Mariah Carey gave birth to twins—a girl and a boy—on Saturday, her fourth wedding anniversary with her husband, the guy from All That. Neither child has yet been named. Like most expecting parents, the couple drove to the hospital in their Rolls-Royce Phantom; according to Carey's publicist Cindi Berger, Cannon "was so nervous he went to the wrong department at the hospital." Carey is apparently "done" with having children. [AP]

Of all terrible naked pregnant poses, man hand bra is my least favorite. The problem is that, when a man puts his hands on his wife's tits, he automatically makes a grabbing motion. See how Nick's fingers are tensed, his thumbs outstretched and gripping? That is the source of the awkwardness. This is not an elegant nude. This is a virile man getting to second base with a lady he recently knocked up.

Angelina adds a new coordinate to the tattooed list of her children's birthplaces. Charlie Sheen gets a standing ovation in Cleveland. Nick Cannon rather regrets taking "nasty" naked pictures with Mariah. Wednesday gossip is feeling broody.

A young upstart named Gwyneth Paltrow is now embarking on a great adventure, specifically conquering the music industry. Also today: Justin Bieber's tweets grow up so fast, there are naked pictures of Britney Spears that exist somewhere, and Kate Middleton picks a dress designer!

Rihanna celebrates looking sexy in a leaked sexting picture. Lindsay Lohan wears a shoplifted necklace. Mariah Carey is expecting twins. Wednesday's gossip roundup is comfortable with its body.