Billionaire New York Philosopher-King Mike Bloomberg has decided to purchase a Hamptons estate for $20 million, because, well, when you have that much money, why not?

You have to be pretty stupid, or pretty drunk, to lead the police on a car chase. You have to even drunker, and certainly more Amish, to lead the police on a car-vs.-horse-and-buggy chase.

The FBI investigation into the hacking collective Anonymous is still plodding along. Ten FBI agents raided three New York guys and took away their computer stuff.

Is there anything more gratifying than quitting a crappy job in dramatic, bridge-incinerating fashion? I don't think there is! But maybe we could ask Adam, former Taco Bell shift manager, since he seems to have some experience in that department. Adam submitted his sign-based resignation ("I QUIT - ADAM/FUCK YOU :)") on Thursday night; apparently he was upset that he was denied time off on July 4, despite having worked 22 days in a row. [WIVB via Fark]

A 17-year-old kid says he was beaten by cops in the Bronx after he walked past an officer who was scraping dog shit off his shoe and said, "It smells like doo-doo." Tyre Davis told the Daily News that he was then berated by the cops, handcuffed and later punched several times in the head. Who wouldn't laugh if they saw a cop step in dog shit?

Laura Fotusky, clerk of rural Barker, N.Y., quit her post on Tuesday rather than grant marriage licenses to gay folks. She would probably had more fun staying and being really judge-y with the marrying gays, but, well, God hates gay marriage! (She's posted her resignation letter here, if you really care.) Gay couples in the region are better off driving the hour to Niagra Falls anyway and going the whole nine yards with the honeymoon suite and everything. In any event—Laura—really—we mean this—don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. [Politico; image, not of Barker, and not of Fotusky, via Shutterstock]

Hey, New Yorker in your $2 jillion a month apartment, drinking your $97 dollar latte, and reading your newspaper for free on your $6,587 iPad, you think you live in the most expensive city on Earth, don't cha? Wrong! In fact, you probably couldn't even find the most expensive city on a map.

Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun on 85th St. is ablaze tonight, with 170 firefighters battling the four-alarm fire. The building was undergoing renovations. Despite sightings of fireballs and flames "spitting out of stained-glass windows," FDNY reports just four minor injuries to firefighters.

Sunday brought a dipper (not skinny) to the Central Park Reservoir, but Monday brought something a little more death-defying and artful to the realm of public disturbances in the sweltering city: an aerialist on the Williamsburg Bridge tower!

The next time you feel like paying hundreds of dollars to swim with a bunch of hungover orange dudes on the roof of the Hotel Gansevoort, you might want to consider the implications. The Post ran some tests on six swimming pools across New York, and the Gansevoort came in last:

A "white male in his 40s" (isn't it always?) hopped the chain-link barricade around the Jaqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir in Central Park on Sunday, and leaped in for a refreshing swim. When firefighters arrived at the scene, the man, bobbing joyously about 20 feet from the northeast edge, flatly refused to emerge. Three firefighters then swam over to him "with a yellow rope and lassoed him." He was checked by paramedics for signs of drowning, for some reason, and taken to St. Luke's Hospital, where he's listed as in "stable condition." Feel free to direct your flowers and teddy bear gift baskets to "Stubborn Reservoir Guy, c/o St. Luke's."

While we all wait for Nancy Grace to personally hunt down and murder Casey Anthony, let's not forget the last time we felt outraged about a "not guilty" verdict: When NYPD officers Kenneth Moreno and Franklin Mata were acquitted of charges that Moreno had raped a drunk woman while Mata stood guard. And, in particular let's not miss out on the recently-revealed news that the "rape cops" had "another documented and troubling encounter with an intoxicated young woman."

An 83-year-old Upper East Side woman is up in arms because a rude sanitation worker fined her $100 for throwing a bag of newspapers in one of those green trash cans that can be found on so many New York street corners. But did she do something wrong?

That cute one you've had your eye on in the subway? She/he totally might have chatted you up, if you'd been reading a real book instead of a goddamned Kindle.

Today is the first day that gay New Yorkers can apply for a marriage license. Congrats! Too bad the City Clerk's online form for a marriage license still insists on a "bride" and "groom." Um, how is that supposed to work?

A new branch of Duane Reade, the New York City-based drugstore owned by Walgreens, is opening on Wall Street and it is the largest Duane Reade ever built. Thrillingly, its massive size (22,000 square-feet) is matched in elegance and amenities.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo has set a special election date, September 13, for the vacant seat of ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner, who is going to Internet penis rehab. Prepare for extravagant memorializing displays from each candidate on 9/11.

Former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been released from house arrest without bail, after revelations that his accuser might be so unreliable that the case won't hold up.

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo became the nation's progressive superhero and pre-determined 2016 Democratic nominee for president just last week, with the legalization of same-sex marriage. So what's next for this once-in-a-generation liberal lion? How about ditching the state's moratorium on dangerous hydraulic fracturing for natural gas? Hmm.

Today it was time for an annual ritual, the day when the diamondback terrapins that live near JFK airport force one of the runways to close while they crawl across it to go lay their eggs. Can't we find a permanent solution to this?