David Brooks—a Yale instructor and New York Times columnist who can be found at the Aspen Ideas Festival—prefers to package himself as a reasonable thinker, but he has always been, to one degree or another, depending on the season, a dumb partisan hack. So now that he has finished enough philosophizing about the good life to fill a new book (and allusively air out his squalid midlife crisis), and now that there’s an election looming, it’s time to get back to partisan hackwork.

Frank Bruni, a professional newspaper columnist who—unfortunately, given his chosen profession—has not had a single good idea in the past five years, continues that proud streak today. In spectacular fashion!

The New York Times jealously guards its status as America’s paper of record through an obsessive focus on decorum and propriety. So it’s interesting to see in two leaked photos that the paper’s brass has a sense of humor behind its respectable front—even if that humor veers into “making light of mass killings” territory.

David Brooks, the sad but harmless sweater-wearing divorced guy who likes to give your kids advice gleaned from inspirational office posters, is—astonishingly—still employed as a prestigious newspaper columnist.

“Although coifs and comestibles would not seem to have much in common, for a specific demographic, a cappuccino made with locally roasted, ethically grown beans is a natural accompaniment to high-caliber haircuts.”

The news broke in time for South Floridians to read it on their phones while stopped for a frigging accident on the frigging Golden Glades just a couple frigging blocks from work. Marco Rubio, their senator and beige Buick-steering soulmate, is as shitty a driver as them. His wife is even worse:

Uh oh, summertime is here and you know what that means, ladies—time to obsess over your arms, for some reason! Wow! Arms! Appendages! What to do?

Jeffrey Sterling, the former CIA officer convicted of espionage in January for leaking classified information to a New York Times reporter, was sentenced to 42 months in prison today.

In response to last week’s New York Times reports about the dangerous work conditions, low pay, and racism running rampant in New York nail salons, Governor Andrew Cuomo announced late Sunday a series of “emergency measures” and vowed that the state would no longer “stand idly by as workers are deprived of their hard-earned wages and robbed of their most basic rights.”

Today, the New York Times named, against the CIA’s wishes, Michael D’Andrea, the former chief of the agency’s counterterrorism center, in a story about support in Washington for the lethal drone program. The Washington Post reported on D’Andrea’s reassignment last month without using his name, which Gawker then published.

“It so happens that I have been ganged up on online, and I have also been beaten up by actual gangs of men on the street,” writes ancestral Gawker editor Choire Sicha in the New York Times Book Review, locating the true shame in Jon Ronson’s So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed.

We are people, and people have lives. Lives involve losses. Losses of friends, of loved ones, of children, of parents. Everybody everywhere feels something about some loss sometime in this interconnected age; maybe even you feel things. Maybe then, also, you can explain what the hell David Brooks is on about in this column.

Jill Abramson, who was unceremoniously ousted last year as editor of the New York Times, has signed a $1 million book deal. Her book's topic will be "the future of media in a rapidly changing world." This development can be interpreted as folly, or farce.

Autopsy results from the New York City Medical Examiner's office show that David Carr died of complications from metastatic lung cancer, The New York Times reports.

There are hundreds and hundreds of people out there who believe that, secretly, they were David Carr's favorite. And maybe we all were. He had the rare emotional capacity to make each of us his favorite, one by one by one.

Veteran New York Times columnist, reporter, and author David Carr died in the paper's newsroom Thursday night. He was 58.

"I've never been a fan of global conferences to solve problems," writes floating mustache Thomas Friedman in his newspaper column today. Really?

For years, Twitter has been terrorized by the ponderous musings of a person pretending to be a fridge in the offices of The New York Times. When will we learn its identity?

Dean Baquet, the executive editor of The New York Times, is defending his decision not to reprint any Charlie Hebdo cartoons depicting Mohammad with an argument that might confuse Times readers. Today he told Politico: “We don’t run things that are designed to gratuitously offend.”