On the one hand, it's gotta be a little weird when your brain start playing music no one else can hear. (Just ask Christine Daa .)

We don't care how dangerous the chemicals in your lab are, how noxious the fumes wafting by, or how many sharp sticks hover just outside the photographer's frame. Please please please remember when having your picture taken for a newspaper that 1.1 million people will read — or even, really, for anything anyone will see — to take off the freaking safety goggles.

It's possible page one of this weekend's Sunday Styles didn't feature the most coverage of the most despicable people ever fit onto one page of the Times. (There have probably been entire pages inside the front section devoted to, say, Hitler.) But it certainly must be a record for cramming all sorts of hideous human beings onto a section front, to the exclusion of anything else. Dov Charney? Check. A hipster asshole engaging in competitive air guitar? Check. "Hollywood actors," "a famous Brazilian model," "men splashed with too much cologne," and "women with collagen-inflated lips teetering in heels" at a rooftop bar in Chelsea? Check, check, check, and check.

Thereby betraying the beer industry's long history of subtle and nuanced ad campaigns.

You know, as long as we're on the topic of Lucky magazine (and oh, my, haven't we been, what with editor Kim France's admission that she sucks at wifehood), our friends at The Daily Transom mustered up the strength that only old media can buy and, unlike yours truly, actually looked past the first 10 pages of the issue in question. And what did they find? Credit card carnage, consumerist blood, and a spread featuring Times Arts & Leisure deputy editor Ariel Kaminer, in which she looks "strangely, wondrously radiant for someone, in The Transom's opinion, who has been forced to sit so very close to former culture boss Jon Landman for so long."

"Cian O'Donovan is not a photojournalist," intones today's Times, "but when he heard about the subway bombings not far from his home in London, he decided to try to photograph them." Huh? Wha? Really? Yes, Virginia, it's true: non-photogs can take photos.

Caption in the Times: "Witnesses reported seeing dozens of people stumbling out of subway stations, coughing and black with soot."

Manohla Dargis doesn't much like Dark Water, the new Jennifer Connelly horror flick about moving to — quelle horreur! — Roosevelt Island. But she also doesn't quite hate it:

You'd expect post-bombing stoicism from, say, a nation of people stereotyped as repressing all emotion. And you'd expect it from a city famous for bravely withstanding a 57-day bombing attack — a "blitz" of bombs, you might say.

Cellphone etiquette. Races for charities. Uncomfortable Pillows. Camping gear. It's the straightest Thursday Styles ever!

There's an old joke about the 10-year-old boy who, when asked by his parents what he'd like for his birthday, requests a box of Tampax. Confused, they ask why. "Because then," he replies, "I can go swimming, play tennis, ride horses, whenever I want."

At least Tierney's finally found his niche.

Think that The New York Times is the best paper newspaper in the world? Think again. A Swiss consultancy asked 1,000 respondents in 50 countries what newspaper they thought was the world's best, and the Times ranked a dismal sixth — down from first place just two years ago. The Financial Times came in first this year, and the Journal was number two.

Kevin Roderick of L.A. Observed, apparently suffering massive geographic disorientation, today passes on a memo from The New York Times Co. mandating that its employees learn to be more ethical. (Also required: Closing all barn doors at least two years after the horse is gone.)

Of course she's a freelance editor. Because we've never known one actually on staff to fight even for getting us the paycheck we were promised, let alone for getting some stranger out of jail.

Isn't this the sort of fare reserved for the Thursday Styles?

We were briefly terrified that Thursday Styles had gone straight on us. The lead story, after all, is on perfumes; the teenagers who may or may not be having "rainbow parties" are having heterosexual oral sex at those parties, if they exist; and then there are features on such boringly hetero things as co-ed spinning classes, heavy-duty baby strollers (well, OK, maybe that could be ready as lesbionic), and ordering the new Harry Potter online.

We're sure there were dozens of images available of Israeli soldiers forcibly removing settlers from the Gaza strip. But of course the ever-irresponsible, corporatist, statist New York Times just had to pick this photo. Is there any clearer way to suggest that the protesters aren't noble pioneers fight to hold onto their homes but instead unreasonable radicals?!

At last week's National Newspaper Publishers Association convention, it was announced that Whitey — or the New York Times company, as he prefers to be called — will be starting an African-American newspaper in Gainesville, Fla. Naturally, this has been met with some opposition:

We actually know that one. But we never expected to see a Times op-ed open with, "There once were some Pequot called Mashantucket...."