A guard at an upstate New York juvenile detention center says that a dance there last December turned into an orgy involving a prostitute and a 15-year-old girl, who allegedly gave lap dances and blow jobs to inmates.

We could not let this classic New York Post cover pass without crediting them for a landmark in tabloid journalism. If you passed out on the Subway looking at it, let us know! [NYP]

Flying from London to New York, Peter Frank and boyfriend Michael Bailey witnessed two Courtney Love meltdowns. They wrote about it on their Facebook walls. Four days later, the Post's Cindy Adams ripped them off verbatim.

In your energetic Monday media column: Richard Beckman has a hardcore plan for The Hollywood Reporter, newspaper circulation declines, The Wrap gets paid big time, and anonymous angry stories from the bowels of the New York Post.

The same morning the New York Times posts their monster magazine profile of Politico newsletter savant Mike Allen, Politico management announces a high-profile hiring! Crazy! Washington influentials, please enjoy Maggie Haberman. And a VandeHarris memo!

If there is one thing tabloid sex fiend columnist Andrea Peyser hates, it is everything good in the human soul. Andrea's gripe today: someone was shown mercy. This is unfair to the bloodthirsty, such as Andrea Peyser!

The Post caught up with Oprah Winfrey yesterday and asked her if she planned to take a paternity test to determine whether the man who claims he's her dad is really her father.

From the New York Post's celeb photos today: "Demi Moore and Susan Sarandon meet with groups working to fight child slavery in Port Au Prince, Haiti." Noble! Now let's go to the original version of that photo.

In your surrogate Friday media column: Anderson Cooper tries on a studio audience, magazine ads continue to plummet, Crazy Rupert Murdoch has dealzzzz, Oprah buries Kitty Kelly's tell-all, and New York's most loathsome bromantic couple launch a "media scene" lunchspot.

Need an example of why selling coke on Craigslist is a really bad idea? Just ask Brooklyn personal trainer Kinrod Priester, who was previously a 14-year guest of the New York State Department of Correctional Services. [NYP, image]

Rampaging "gangbangers," apparently inspired by the New York International Auto Show, wreaked havoc on businesses, bystanders, and each other yesterday during "Gang Initiation Day." A newsstand employee summed it up: "There's a lot of crazy people over here." [NYP]

In your substitute Friday media column: Christiane Amanpour eyes George Stephanopoulos' old chair, the Los Angeles Times wraps itself in Johnny Depp's handsome mug, the New York Times does teevee, and a Star is unborn.

Scandal! New York's first lady, Michelle Paige, practically showed her ankles in public while dining out with a gentleman who is not her husband! The New-Amsterdam Daily Pictoral Post is on the scene.

Tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser has just about had it with people going out and purposely committing crimes in order to go to jail and be able to purchase affordable Pop-Tarts. Wise up, taxpayers.

As the heat from the Tiger Woods sex scandal cools, the once paparazzi plagued Rachel Uchitel will again settle into the cold grip of obscurity. She is one of scandal's secondary players, and we are done with her.

Bike riders, public health advocates, and just plain regular folks are generally happy with the idea of turning various NYC streets into "pedestrian plazas." Tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser hates these people, and this idea. People will smoke, outside!

The New York Post may think Mort Zuckerman would make the swell Senate candidate, but Post media columnist Keith Kelly is still reporting on how the stingy Daily News publisher is eliminating 401(k) matching and slashing executive salaries.

Is The New York Post having a laugh? Has Rupert Murdoch gone soft? What is up with this insane editorial today apparently seriously endorsing a Mort Zuckerman Senate run?

So! It seems that Mandy Stadtmiller's first-person exploration of hiring a male prostitute that ran on the cover of today's New York Post has not been so popular among grumbling media types. A sample of the bitching we've heard, below.

• Jon Stewart will face off against Bill O'Reilly when he enters the "No Spin Zone" tomorrow evening. In somewhat related news, pedicure-loving ex-congressman (and wanna-be Senator) Harold Ford hit Colbert last night.
• Is the magazine industry on the verge of a turnaround? Let's hope so! [AA]
• TV news: ABC is thinking of moving The View to the afternoon; Fox confirms it's had "conversations" with Conan about a late-night show, but hasn't had any real "negotiations"; and Matthew Broderick may be coming to the small screen.
• Layoffs: Big cuts went down at CBS News yesterday afternoon. And Sony Pictures has announced that it's cutting 450 positions at the studio.
• For the first time in a long time, CNN has surpassed MSNBC in primetime. Neither network is close to catching up with Fox News, though. [Politico, LAT]
• A reality show about The Oprah Winfrey Show is coming to Oprah's new cable channel next January. The network will also be home to shows about imprisoned women, "miracle detectives," and workaholic parents. [NYT]
• News Corp. is in talks with James Cameron about an Avatar sequel. [THR]
• Did you catch the New York Post's "prosti-dude" story today? Some staffers at the paper were a little less than thrilled with the PR stunt, it seems. [Gawker]
• Condé Nast's new fraud hotline should make ratting out co-workers (for stealing office supplies, expensing meals with friends, etc.) much easier! [NYP]
• More on this morning's Oscar nominations. [THR, NYT, TE, LAT]
• Meet Hollywood's top 40 moneymakers for 2009. [Vanity Fair]