Sometime rapper Foxy Brown, who was famous in the 90s for rapping a verse on the Toni Braxton song "You're Making Me High," has struck again, this time near her Prospect Heights childhood home. She allegedly Blackberry-whapped a drugstore employee named Arlene Raymond, with whom she has, according to law-enforcement sources, "a longstanding dispute over the volume of the stereo in Foxy's car." She split no hairs: "Foxy is an idiot. She's rude. I want her to get locked up," Raymond told the Post. And then she said something even more genius.

Here's the headline the New York Post chose to run with their story about Danielle Salzberg, named interim principal of Khalil Gibran International Academy, "the city's controversial Arabic-themed school." (Or at least it's what they went with this morning; they've gone for more secular "NEW PRINCIPAL 'CHOSEN'" on the web.) In any event, Salzberg takes over from Debbie Almontaser, who resigned last weekend after a drumbeat of criticism from the Andrea Peysers of the world. Salzberg, as the headline indicates, is a Hebress who speaks no Arabic. It's kind of like a sitcom! Also, it's the perfect opportunity to rewrite the Post. You know the drill: We'll go first and then you follow up in the comments.

From today's Page Six: "ONE woman's not enough for 37-year-old bachelor Harold Ford Jr.. The former Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate in Tennessee was holed up at Blue Ribbon Sushi on Sullivan Street with three blondes on Wednesday night. "They all stayed until 2 a.m. singing and dancing, and he was pretty tipsy," one onlooker snickered. For Ford's sake, let's hope none of his dinner guests goes on to hit Internet stardom via kissing and telling." God, who could they be talking about? It's all so mysterious. [NYP]

That's some good thinking by Comptroller Thompson there. We're also of the opinion that the best way to woo middle-class votes is to turn yourself white. Plus, now he can pull the "Law & Order" vote!

Here's how our three metropolitan tabloids covered yesterday's weather events. (Click to enlarge.) Oh, Newsday, you're so cute! You're almost like a real newspaper!

These women AREN'T WEARING PANTIES. Look to your left; look to your right. At least 50% of the women you can see also are not wearing panties. Can you believe this?

Dow Jones denies a report from this morning's New York Post that the Bancroft family doubled their dividend before cashing out. And here we thought they were a bunch avaricious absentee landlords who put profit above what was good for their employees. [NYO]

That super-rich guy Post dating columnist Mandy Stadtmiller is currently with? Super-rich. Also, they have great chemistry. How did this column turn into a weekly taunting session about how lame the reader's life is? We're sure this one went over really well with everyone who read it alone on Sunday, waiting for a call that never came. [NYP]

Ever since it awarded a $4.5 million book deal to then-Speaker Newt Gingrich while Congress was preparing to address issues of media ownership, News Corp. has vigorously denied that any publishing arrangements it makes with influential political figures (Republican Senators Lott, Specter, Hegel, and Hutchison; Supreme Court Justice Thomas) are some kind of favor-buying ploy or campaign donation. So it was sort of weird to see this in the Post, News Corp.'s sister paper to the Wall Street Journal, today!

Sad news from Portfolio. The September issue reveals the world's worst kept secret: George Steinbrenner is unwell. The Post, writing about the piece today, describes a tragic moment from Franz Lidz' article:

Bratz, "an unwitting and witless critique of American consumerism run amok, does not star Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie," says the Post's Lou Lumenick. It does, however, feature a cameo from Page Six gabber Paula Froelich, who goes unmentioned in the paper's pan of the "excruciatingly inane high-school comedy." Nice to see that News Corp. protects its own! This can only be welcomed by the team of Wall Street Journal reporters who have bit parts in the forthcoming tween flick How Malibu Barbie Got Her Groove Back. [NYP]

This first week is a very important holiday (of sorts!) for millions of lactating womyn, according to this website: World Breastfeeding Week. The organizers of this week, which is celebrated in 120 countries annually, strive to bring attention to the fact that breastfeeding can reduce infant mortality, and they need your help letting the message leak out: "Remember to send us pictures, news, media reports about your activities and you'll receive a free breastfeeding photo calendar 2008." Okay! But one lady of our acquaintance won't be joining in the festivities: Post scold Andrea Peyser. Turns out that she's... a mom? (OMG, what?) Also, she's pretty skeptical about the whole "milk from your body is good for your baby's health" thing.

Just in case you're getting your fashion advice from the New York Post, um, maybe don't? Today's style spread is about the rise of the "monokini," which they define as "a one-piece with slits or cutouts." These don't look good on anyone, even supermodels. They make Paris Hilton look decidedly pear-shaped (well, she is!). And they give you bizarro tan lines. But, hey, ladies, maybe go for it because "if done right, the ice cream man might give you a free popsicle."

New York Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno continues to pound away at Eliot Spitzer, raising the possibility that the Senate may compel the governor to testify in one of the multiple investigations called for by Bruno over whether or not the governor's office improperly used the state police to track Bruno's questionable air travel. Good luck, says a spokesman for the governor, casting doubt on the Senate's constitutional authority to investigate internal executive affairs.

Last month, the Post sent around an email to all its freelance photogs, telling them that they'd basically have to re-audition for the photo editors at the paper if they wanted to continue to be considered for work. Lots of photographers were understandably upset; it's a bit of a slap in the face for someone who's a working professional to be called in and asked to try out for a job they've been doing for years. Nonetheless, the paper insisted, and now reports have started circulating about what they're being made to do. And really, it all sounds a bit odd.

"[Kate Moss] just lost Burberry. Ask if it's her ongoing togetherness with druggy Pete Doherty, and you're told no. It's because her arms are beginning to look sinewy." Hi! Cindy Adams? We know it's hard to keep track, but the reason you're "told no" when you ask if Kate Moss's ongoing togetherness with druggy Pete is hindering her career is because of their highly publicized recent breakup. [Cindy]

"Sorry I've neglected you. But last week, I was on jury duty—that torture chamber/insane asylum/singles bar in Downtown Brooklyn." Aw, that's okay, zany Post scold Andrea Peyser! So tell us more. How was jury duty? Hey, and while you're at it, have you had any memorable dreams lately? And also how are your cats? And seriously, what was the highlight of jury duty? "I turned my attention to a couple of jurors who joined up amid the pimps and murderers - a pleasant, heavy-set girl with highly bleached hair, and a guy with close-cropped hair. Within hours, the pair went from flirting to finishing each other's sentences to touching. Forget the bars, girls. Get yourself to court!" Meouch! Is Andrea... jealous? Guess that virgin-deflowering thing never materialized.

"'Uh,' I realize. 'We just had sex on the New York Post.'" Post dating columnist Mandy Stadtmiller does on the paper what she's been doing to the paper for the last four weeks. [NYP]

"A Shakespearean tragedy played out on a Long Island street where a boozed-up young woman unknowingly dragged her boyfriend under her car for more than a block as he tried to stop her from driving drunk, police said yesterday." [NYP]

How crazy is it that Lloyd Grove, our favorite former gossip columnist at the New York Daily News, is on assignment for New York magazine to write about nutty New York Post editor Col Allan? So crazy! We hear the piece is at least a few weeks away, though he's been working on it for a while. One might assume the rationale for assigning the piece, despite any actual or theoretical conflict of interest, is that Lloyd would bring some sort of inside knowledge to the story. But if that were true, wouldn't he still have his job at the Daily News? Hi-o! Oh, just asking, Lloyd!