"Obama is straw that stirs the drink — bad." The only person who understands this headline is presumably employed as an editor at the New York Post.

Andrea Peyser, a troll who lives under a bridge and also an anger columnist at the New York Post, is very angry about the fact that the NYPD choked Eric Garner to death, then let his mom out of a traffic ticket. She's mad about the ticket part.

"Hot celesbians are everywhere you look," the New York Post reports today. Look at the ladies in those pictures—they're more than friends. They do it. Photographs of various lesbian couples available now—only in the New York Post. [Pic via]

Like a giant trying to hold a human baby, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio and his big, dumb hands dropped a helpless groundhog on February 2 (Groundhog's day). The poor hog died of internal injuries, and "then the coverup began," according to this New York Post exclusive.

On Friday, a white lady named Clara Vondrich had her iPhone stolen out of her hand in Williamsburg but was able to catch one of the thieves, a 13-year-old boy. This story made it into the New York Post, and in the process taught us all important lessons about what not to do when you're able to capture your own child mugger.

Last week, the New York Post put "squeegee man" Gregg Washington on its cover. Two days later, he was arrested. Now, after his release from jail, he says the ordeal cost him his livelihood.

The New York Post, a benevolent and storied newspaper, has given the world a list of the ten subway stops in New York City where you'll find the most attractive people—nay, sexiest people.

The primary function of the New York Post is to instill a vague fear into upstanding residents of Breezy Point, Bay Ridge, and the Upper East Side that New York City is constantly descending toward chaos, and today, its front cover accomplishes that with flying colors. The bad old days are back!

Despite appearances, the costumed mascots of Times Square can be a sour bunch. Just last year, Cookie Monster pushed a baby, Elmo spewed anti-Semitic vitriol, and Super Mario got handsy with someone's thigh. But apparently the stinkiest of all is the Spider-Man who hit a woman in the face after quarreling about a tip.

"Are female breadwinners a recipe for disaster?"

Last night, the New School’s Center for Communication held a panel about gossip reporting—or, more precisely, ethical gossip reporting. “Despite the temptations and stereotypes,” flyers posted around the university’s Greenwich Village campus read, “you CAN write a gossip column with integrity!”

The week of April Fool's Day was a bit existentially dispiriting around here. The warning went out for April 1: Remember, a lot of what the internet will be getting excited about today is fake bullshit being spread in bad faith purely for the sake of getting people excited.

Today, frantic tabloid the New York Post has an op-ed by Nicole Gelinas boldly headlined "The city's suicide epidemic is a myth." Yes, hmm. Where might this myth have gotten started?

Following her death on Monday from an apparent suicide, New York designer L’Wren Scott was largely eulogized for her decade-long romantic relationship with Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones. According to the New York Post, however, Scott “told a longtime friend from her native Utah last week that the legendary Stones frontman had dumped her.” The Post did not name the friend.

Page Six is reporting that Ronan Farrow, the freshly installed MSNBC host, has warned reporters who plan to attend an awards ceremony at Manhattan’s Princeton Club, where Farrow will be honored with the Cronkite Award for Excellence in Exploration and Journalism, not to inquire about his father, Woody Allen, or any other “personal” issues:

The New York Post has quite the scoop:

Today, the New York Post ran a short item about Ashanti's Twitter stalker. As ridiculous as that sentence is, it's not the most ridiculous aspect of the piece. No, it's that in the headline, Ashanti was misidentified as "RiRi," which is Rihanna's nickname. Apparently, the New York Post thinks all black male R&B singers are rappers, and all black female R&B singers are Rihanna.

Another snowstorm is blanketing the East Coast in a polar-vortexed-frost, which means it's time for residents of unplowed streets to complain of classist plowing.

The New York Post — New York City's arbiter of news ethics and breaking stories — wants readers to know that it isn't the least bit sorry about its front page headline today.

The New York Post knows a broad when it sees one. On Sunday the unprofitable tabloid published photos of Bill de Blasio’s chief spokeswoman, Lis Smith, inviting disgraced New York Governor and married man Eliot Spitzer into her Soho apartment. Very understandably, the paper wants her fired.