I freaking promise you that whatever debate over current events you get trapped in this holiday season will not be as bad as a reply-all chain argument about the Gaza Strip, featuring Russell Simmons, sent to Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, and Ryan Seacrest. And I can promise you that because I have seen one.

Didn't I see you at Natalie Portman's wedding in Big Sur last Saturday? I was definitely there. I'm pretty sure you were too.

Natalie Portman wed her babydaddy Benjamin Millipied, the choreographer who helped find her inner Black Swan.

Last night's Saturday Night Live featured the 100th digital short so we were treated a short about the shorts that featured a bunch of call backs and cameos. Justin Timberlake, Natalie Portman, Jon Hamm and Michael Bolton were on hand to reprise previous roles and Justin Bieber host Will Ferrell joined in as well.

Why did Kris Humphries ditch his wedding ring to carry moving boxes? Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and Kingston Rossdale might be in love. Dina Lohan is shopping a memoir. Kanye's Occupy Wall Street outfit was worth more than $30,000. TGIFriday gossip.

Hollywood is the most glamorous place on earth. Except when it comes to unpaid internships: They are just as shitty there as everywhere else.

All three Kardashians blow off Kris Humphries' plus-size model sister. Mila Kunis gets hacked. A naked man with a Fudgesicle broke into Nicolas Cage's house. Padma Lakshmi bombs at an open mic night. Thursday gossip turns up its nose.

Bennifer 2.0 has a bun in the oven. Will and Jada Smith might be breaking up. Amy Winehouse's toxicology report is complete. Katie Holmes has a "cupcake emergency." Tuesday gossip struggles to avoid the Kardashians.

Natalie Portman's one-month-old Millepied-sired baby boy is named Aleph (or Alef), People, Us, and Israeli gossips report:

No Strings Attached. Friends With Benefits. Friends With Strings. Attached With Benefits. Are there any differences to any of these movies? Not really. One stars an overexposed, overconfident pretty boy who fancies himself a high tech mogul, and so does the other one. One features an actress that starred as a prima ballerina in the movie Black Swan, and so does the other one. One is a shitty romcom about falling in love with a fuckbuddy, and so is the other one. THEY ARE THE SAME MOVIE, YOU SEE. Still not convinced? Then watch this video. [via BoingBoing]

Today we heard the happy news that Natalie Portman gave birth to a son yesterday. Good for her! It's rather amazing that she did it actually, one commenter points out.

Natalie Portman had a son last night, officially making her the world's hottest mother. Also today: A scary plot to murder the singer Joss Stone, Nicolas Cage owes us a house, and lots of royal couple news.

Blake Lively faces the hydra monster of naked scandals. Arnold Schwarzenegger is ready for divorce. Natalie Portman stands up Oprah. Ellen Barkin's live-in boyfriend is half her age. The only way to kill Thursday gossip is with fire.

Natalie Portman runs into the lady she stole her fiance from, while avoiding the lady who called her a fraud. Lady Gaga says her critics are bullies. Kim Kardashian could make millions from her wedding. Thursday gossip was born this sensitive.

A shocked nation recoils as Christina Aguilera dares show her face with anything less than professional hair and makeup. Victoria Beckham gets a "quinny buzz." Benjamin Millepied throws a tantrum. Monday gossip has fascist beauty standards.

Michael Lohan peeps through Lindsay's windows and tries to bust into her house. Natalie Portman gives up veganism for her fetus. Joan Rivers uses vodka as deodorant. Nicki Minaj will share a stage with Britney. Monday gossip spent the weekend stalking its loved ones.

The only thing that could make this dance recital by a duckling Natalie Portman at Stagedoor Manor theater camp (the same Borscht Belt conservatory that produced Robert Downey Jr., Zach Braff and Lea Michelle) more entertaining is if her legs had violently snapped backwards and she sprouted a pair of bloody wings. Sorry — did I say "more entertaining?" I just meant to say, "entertaining." [Natalie appears at 2:30.]

Have you read Misconception, a page-turner of a "reproductive thriller," self-published by fertility specialist Dr. Avner Hershlag? Well, you might want to jump on that baby now, before a major publisher buys it and hikes up the price considerably. That's because Hershlag — who happens to be the dad of Natalie Portman — has been shopping the book around.

Darren Aronofsky, the director of Black Swan, released a statement about just how much dancing Natalie Portman did in the movie after her dance double publicly claimed she did 95% of the on-screen work. Apparently, she was wrong.

Sarah Lane, the American Ballet Theater soloist who served as Natalie Portman's dancing double for her Oscar-winning turn in Black Swan, claims that she did 95% of the dancing seen in the movie. Lane says she did all the fancy footwork and Natalie's head was digitally grafted onto her body in post production.