There's still more information to report on the mysterious decomposed creature that washed ashore on Long Island recently, if not any definitive answers. A slew of clues come from some actual, you know, reporting done by New York magazine, which somehow tracked down our original tipster, who again denied the photo is part of any PR campaign and said it came from "my girlfriend's sister was there with her friends and one of them took the picture." Then they talked to an eyewitness!

Our old friend the Montauk Monster, who washed ashore on Long Island recently, continues to befuddle. Luckily Hamptons-based website Plum will be hosting two eyewitnesses as well as the woman who took the photograph this Friday on their web show The Juice. Plum writes of the hellfire-born nightmare creature: "Four government biologists contacted by Plum were unable to identify the species of the animal from its photo and came to the conclusion that 'no such creature exists.'" Shriek!! That's because it's a monster. A government experiment gone wrong! A Cerberus come to warn us of doom! A MONSTER!!!!

Ugh. Update added here.

That and another update have been added to the most recent full post.

Kudos are in order to the public relations company that "tipped" us earlier today about the supposed government-created mutant that washed up in Montauk, if for nothing other than its timing. The firm, described by its owner as a purveyor of "grassroots viral marketing," was wise to try and place a campaign than in the midst of the summer news doldrums. But neither Gawker nor Jezebel (original recipient of the tip) seem an appropriate place to plug a children's show, which a different tipster thinks is behind the Montauk picture.

No, Lizzie Grubman's still alive. This is an actual monster, some sort of rodent-like creature with a dinosaur beak. A tipster says that there is "a government animal testing facility very close by in Long Island," but unless the government is trying to design horrible Montauk monsters that will eat IEDs and fart fire at bad Iraqis, we're not sure why they would create such an unthinkable beast. Our guess is that it's viral marketing for something. Ali Lohan's new album perhaps. Click thru for larger dino-damage.

OK! is the celebrity magazine that is the most willingly manipulated by celebrity flacks, which is really saying something. So it's perfectly appropriate that the magazine just promoted sleazy former celebrity uberflack Rob Shuter to its executive editor position. That's because Shuter is skilled at doing the two things that OK! is most famous for: lying on behalf of celebrities, and losing other people's money. Even he, the great fabulist, couldn't write a more sickening script than this.

Twisted animal-hating liar Paris Hilton has finally been stopped! OK, well, not entirely. A battle has been won, even as Hilton's war against pets rages on. The heiress is known to often abandon one or more of her two-dozen-ish pets, sometimes in a closet, to die, starving. And there are still idiots out there letting her adopt animals. But not everyone is an idiot! Hilton, you see, was recently on her way to a photo shoop and reportedly decided to pick up a Yorkie like it was a fucking latte. She "wanted a puppy in the picture so it would look cuter," a tipster told Page Six. And the valiant staff at the Puppy Store on Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles decided to stop Hilton from purchasing the animal because it seemed like an "impulse buy." The socialite lost her shit, but the store held its ground. Excellent, this is a great way to start a Tuesday. But LA animal services needs to step up its sad "investigation." [Post] (Photo via X17)

Today's story about Harvey Weinstein's financial bind-which would explain why the film producer is even more obnoxious than usual-reminded a Gawker commenter of a story. An acquaintance of Cajunboy took an internship at Miramax when the Disney mini-studio was still run by the Weinstein brothers. The intern managed to avoid the legendarily monstrous boss-until one fateful day.

The demented incompetents a the Port Authority are proceeding with plans to exterminate hundreds of cats at JFK, according to the Humane Society and Mayor's Alliance for NYC Animals. Various cat organizations have been trying, since 2004, to humanely control the feral animals, which live in a rusty truck near Delta's cargo area, but the Port Authority never gave them permission to start neutering the animals, a technique that swiftly reduced cat populations at Rikers Island and elsewhere. The port has been "negotiating" with the Humane Society since August, but broke off talks on Memorial Day, presumably because it thought the disturbing news would get buried amid the holidays (that tactic only works in the days just before a big holiday, monsters). Instead the port insists on sending the cats to a better place, where they will all die:

Heroin? S&M sex? BORING. The real nugget of sadism behind the unearthed video of actress-turned-self-righteous-humanitarian Angelina Jolie in the UK's Sun is her blasé confession about—whoops!—kind of killing her pets. She's worse than Paris Hilton, who got in trouble for neglecting her many chihuahuas—and worst of all, young Jolie, filmed rambling on in what the Sun calls a "drug den," thinks her forgetfulness is really cute, grinning sheepishly as she recounts the pets she's killed over the years: "I had a dog and I ended up beating him, and he got sick and... I've hurt so many—I am just not a good animal person... I had a rabbit that died, too... a cage fell on him..."

Well, it's almost here. The grim specter that's been threatening us ever since a young freckled girl did a screen test for The Parent Trap is within striking distance. Living Lohan, the reality show in which actress Lindsay's monster of a Mama Rose, Dina, drags other daughter Ali through showbiz hell is all set to premiere next month. "Ali just loves this business and, unfortunately, I have to manage her," Dina sighs in a preview clip of the show. She also gets on the horn about some "fake" photos of Lindsay (who, respectably, chose not to be involved with this in anyway) that ended up on the internet. Her lawyers will be contacted, she barks. Ali stands by and giggles oddly. And somewhere deep inside me, my soul falls down. Gurgle. Hope she'll do "Rose's Turn". Second encore, maybe! Brief, intolerable preview clip after the jump.

One finds the best celebrity blind items in the Home & Garden section of the New York Times. Joyce Wadler, who once helmed the newspaper's tepid Boldface Names gossip column, winkled out a delicious anecdote about one of luxury contractor John Finton's most demanding celebrity clients.

Ruthless press baron Rupert Murdoch has concocted two diabolical schemes to ruin the lives of New York tabloid readers and owners forever. First scheme: Murdoch will raise the price of his New York Post — NO! — to fifty cents, with the extra quarter going directly into a special fund for the eradication of all remaining integrity and decency in American media, starting with the Wall Street Journal, which Murdoch has not yet finished burning to the ground forever. Ha ha, just kidding, the extra quarter will just offset the Post's estimated $50 million per year losses, and you will pay it, because it's not like you can just read Page Six on the internet or something. Scheme the second: is classified. This is a secret scheme. But:

The nether regions of the magazine world are truly a strange place. An upcoming book called Bad Mags is a collection of some of the most "strange, bizarre, and peripheral" magazines of the last 50 years—obscure fetish porn, occult titles, true crime, punks, horror, aliens, serial killers. Awesome. We've combed through hundreds of titles to bring you the ten weirdest, dirtiest, and/ or most intriguing magazine covers there are. They're all below—some are NSFW, but all are worthwhile.

Earlier this week, dangerous fiend Gene Morrill was convicted of 20 charges of sex crimes involving minors. At his sentencing hearing in Stafford County, Virginia, yesterday, Morrill offered a stunning defense: a sasquatch molested him in the woods of New Hampshire. The heroic journalists at Washington DC's WJLA led with this story on yesterday's 5 p.m. newscast. Reporter Jessica Weinstein actually contacted experts at the Bigfoot Field Research Organization to ask whether Bigfoot had ever been spotted in New Hampshire. This is why blogs can never replace genuine shoe-leather reporting. The ABC7 report is attached. [WJLA]

ABC News' Investigative Unit has very important BREAKING news about how so-called change agent Hillary Clinton is such a part of the Washington establishment that she actually slept in the White House on the night her husband got a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky 11 years ago. She was in the same building within hours of the dress-staining hijinks and yet claimed she knew nothing, probably because she is a lying monster. Also! She may have even been in the building in the early evening WHILE her husband was having a happy hour with his intern. ABC is not really sure since documents only indicate Hillary stayed "overnight" and that she had three events on her schedule she may or may not have attended. But you can connect the dots for yourself. [ABC News]

Loren Feldman, who makes quirky tech commentary videos for 1938 Media, once made a video so brutal about Julia Allison that she admitted it made her cry.

Los Angeles Animal Services finally decided to investigate mounting evidence of Paris Hilton's cruelty to her bitches and pussies, but of course Paris whipped up a "serious construction" project at her house that conveniently allowed her to hustle her, like, 20 pets away to "animal handlers," so the sad pet detective was reduced to leaving a message with the maid. "Tell me exactly where your poor pets are having sex with each other and dying in closets or I shall be forced to come back and leave a second note, also I was one of the 10 people who saw your movie, loved it LOL kthanks," it probably read. After the jump, an October self-shot video showing Paris cuddling with a dog named Prince who she had not yet tired of. "He loves me," she said, and that is what is important: the attention the dog can give to her.

As reported this morning, heiress Paris Hilton has lost her pussy due to neglect. Later in the day a tipster sent us a little item that we'd missed a few weeks back that paints an even darker portrait of Paris Hilton the Pet Owner. E! Online's Ted Casablancas, while not exactly Bob Woodward, did get quite a story on "Slurpa Pop-Off" (an affectionate nickname he's given to a blind item personality who is obviously Ms. Hilton). It seems that the "Hottie" has been, uh, well, killing her dogs. Oh but totally by accident! See she gets a new puppy, but then doesn't want to train it or whatever so she just leaves it in a closet and flits away somewhere. Days later, employees report, they'll find the dog still in the closet, dead. Beautiful. After the jump watch Paris tell Ellen DeGeneres that she owns 17 dogs (Previously on Defamer). Oop, probably 16 by now. [The Awful Truth]