We've laughed it off for months now but maybe Mayor Bloomberg is idiotic enough to run for president. How else to explain the formerly bland technorat's suddenly strained attempt to transform himself into similarly rich and short crank Ross Perot? Asked about Bush's economic stimulus plan (he is going to send us all checks!!!), Bloomberg said it was "like giving a drink to an alcoholic." He meant because Congress is addicted to spending, but the analogy seems to actually say that Americans are addicted to having money. Or maybe he is actually just saying that Americans will actually spend their entire stimulus checks on booze? Some of them will, sure. But some of them will spend it on drugs! Besides, Americans aren't addicted to cash. We're addicted to running up debt! [NYSun]

Magazines are getting larger, to sell more expensive ads. Newspapers are getting smaller, to cut costs. Attention spans: shorter. [Ad Age]

All the traders and bankers responsible for the mortgage crisis had a kick-ass weekend in Vegas! They feel quite sober and bad about the whole collapse of the economy thing, of course, in between rounds of golf and Super Bowl parties hosted by Countrywide Financial. [NYT]

Former Gawker editor Choire Sicha interviewed BusinessWeek's Jon Fine—husband of confused gazillionaire Mediabistro lady Laurel Touby—for this internet video thing called Bloggingheads. And he sorta made Jon uncomfortable! No one likes to talk about money, especially when they have lots and lots of it. "This short clip is my final, incoherent (and actually feverish) attempt at rehashing his wife Laurel Touby's complaints about her riches in the New York Times," Choire says. Enjoy Jon's hip Ramones shirt and admire his vast record collection, after the jump!

Was Portfolio's production team projecting just a smidge when they chose to illustrate a column this month about the city's declining commercial real estate market with a "foreclosure"-stamped photograph of the Time-Life, Simon & Schuster News Corp and McGraw-Hill buildings? The buildings house most of Portfolio's big competitors: Time Inc.'s Fortune and Money, as well as McGraw-Hill's BusinessWeek. While we wouldn't put a little petty retaliation past editor Joanne Lippman, a bored (or clueless) photo editor is likely behind this one. Artful art there, kids!

"Words Without Borders, an online magazine for literature in translation, is looking for writers with a distinctive voice and point of view to blog literary festivals, readings around town, and international literary and translation news. Literary bent, reliability, a good grasp of grammar, and global cosmopolitan outlook a must. ... Contributions can be frequent or more occasional upon mutual agreement. 6 month commitment minimum. ... If you are unfamiliar with our magazine, please read it first to get a sense of what would fit with our content: www.wordswithoutborders.org. We are a general interest magazine. Position is unpaid."

Right in the heart of the Xmas-to-New Year's News Dead Zone, Mayor Bloomberg announced a sweeping change in the way New York City will measure poverty. The national standard remains tied, more or less, to the price of milk. Income and "annual cost of buying basic groceries" have determined who is poor in the US for four decades. Bloomberg would like to add other, more realistic standards—rent, utilities, child care—while taking into account "the value of financial assistance received, like housing vouchers or food stamps." Mike hopes this more exact method of defining who is the worst off compared to him will spread to the rest of the nation, and improve distribution of federal, state, and local aid. Also it will probably mean that there are a lot more poor people in New York than previously counted. Maybe you're one of them!

Shares of Google fell $11 bucks on the rumor that they were expanding further into print marketing, because, in the words of lostremote's David Johnson, "Wall Street hates print more than it loves Google." Related: Shares in Maoist rebel organizations have skyrocketed on rumors of bomb threats against Nepal newspapers. [lostremote]

Dear Journalists: Lucas Grindley, Operations Manager of HeraldTribune.com ("southwest Florida's information leader"), would like you to get paid like bloggers. Specifically, like us! Summing up a largely boring, wonky, Poyntery debate about the value of reporters and information and CPM, Grindley decries Nick Denton's pay model, as described by noted internet expert David Brooks, as a dangerous idea that "may favor sensationalism" (quelle horreur!). Then he decides the most fair model for our brave new media landscape is to give your content providers a set salary with page view bonus structure built in. Which sounds familiar! As Grindley says: "The point is a bonus system doesn't hurt anyone. But it might help retain top talent while also increasing page views and audience." Also possible: existential crises and mass resignations. Talent are a sensitive bunch.

"Funny or Die", the funny web video site that has Will Ferrell and Adam McKay but no traffic or "buzz", got another $15 million from their venture capital benefactors at Sequoia (and unnamed others). There are still absolutely no reports of anyone on the internet having watched any video from that site besides the one where the little girl is mean to Will Ferrell. [PaidContent]

Bloomberg aides continue insisting to everyone who'll listen, take down their quotes and eventually publish them that their boss isn't planning a run for president, and then they all lay out their brilliant, Machiavellian plans for ensuring Mayor Mike the Oval Office. Today's Journal presents this unnerving hypothetical: in the event of a Subway Series presidential race, Bloomberg will seize control of the nation in a bloodless electoral coup of INDEPENDENT MODERATE INDEPENDENCE, MAVERICK-STYLE.

David Rockefeller Sr., Paul Allen, Edgar Bronfman, Leonard Lauder, Scottie Pippen, and David Letterman all receive big farm subsidy checks from Uncle Sam, according to an investigation by the Post. That Connecticut home pays for itself! Letterman and Rockefeller reportedly give their regular checks to charity. Manhattanite Phyllis Joyner received $213,998 from 2003 to 2005. "I'm actually in Virginia receiving farm subsidies," she told the Post from her East Village apartment. We are so claiming residence at our parents' house in Minnesota and "growing" some "sorghum." Then we're quitting too! [NYP]

Andrew Cuomo, gradually moving up in the world from "not his father" to "not Eliot Spitzer", has subpoenaed Merrill Lynch, Morgan Stanley, Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers and Deutsche Bank in his crusading subprime mortgage investigation. And now Merrill Lynch is predicting "an almost unremittingly gloomy forecast for the US economy next year." It's all your fault, deadbeat consumers! You made them lend to you! [NYT, Telegraph]

Freddie Mac (or Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation when it's in trouble) posted a $2 billion dollar loss for the third quarter and H&R Block's chairman resigned and the Fed is going to tell us at some point today that things will continue to suck next year, so everyone stock up on barrels and suspenders. [NYT]

On Friday, CNNMoney.com warned us that some Wall Street employees would be seeing tragic, drastic cuts in their annual bonuses—up to 50% at some mortgage-related firms. Specifically, hard-working bankers at Bear Stearns, Citigroup, and Merrill Lynch were expected to be "hit hard" by all the ridiculously irresponsible lending and related business they've been practicing for the last couple years. But today brought good news for those Heroes of Finance!

Things we don't understand: Why would Slate start a separate website to cover business? (Besides the ad dollars? Or is there a "besides"?) And: Slate has a video site called SlateV? ("Did you mean to search for: Schteve?" asks Google.) And why did former Dealbreaker founder and Gawker original editor Elizabeth Spiers turn down the new site's top job? I mean, clearly, she'll work anywhere. [NYO]

Jonathan Clements says wealth is overrated and rich people are all contemptible morons and that money will not make you happy! Also he's the Wall Street Journal personal-finance columnist. So don't go around making so much money, guys! You'll end up empty and depressed, because every time you eat dinner at the nicest restaurant in the world, you'll be forced to confront the sad knowledge that there is no nicer restaurant. Then you'll climb into your waiting helicopter and go back to your sad mansion, where, tragically, you've grown used to your servants. Yes, in the end, what truly matters is assuming the attitudes and outward trappings of the upper-middle class regardless of your actual worth and not being all gauche and show-offy about it.

You're Not Super Rich? You Lucked Out. [WSJ]

Troubling out-of-context statistics and worrying isolated anecdotes suggest that members of "Generation Y"—loosely defined as all the people younger and stupider and more annoying than you and your peers—are lazy, unrealistic freeloaders, still living off their poor parents well into adulthood. Employment agency Manpower released a study last year that found that two-thirds of under-30 Americans (and Canadians!) would rather "pursue their dreams" than "make lots of money." What the hell is wrong with those people?

The compiling compulsives at Forbes have once again amassed a list of famous people graded according to their gross annual income, this time focusing the wealth-as-worth index on Hollywood's lucrative TV sector. (No, you aren't having deja vu—TV Guide did a similar list a few months ago, but Forbes's editors are far better equipped to type out 9-figure salaries without having their fingers tremble.) On it, you'll spot the familiar faces of any number of trap-jawed cooks and follicly deficient self-help gurus, birthed in test tubes at Harpo Laboratories and currently reaping the generous rewards of multi-year syndie strip deals.

If the phrase "Charlie Sheen money" calls to mind his reported $350,000 per episode Two and a Half Men salary as readily as it might the escort-related expenditures of his infamously priapic, cheerleader-devouring bachelorhood, chances are you have already had ample opportunity to be disgusted by the excessive remuneration of your favorite TV personalities. But for those of you prepared to be appalled anew, a press release has compiled a list of boob-tube salaries that will be included in a more comprehensive accounting in the upcoming issue of TV Guide. Such as: