Bloomberg To Buy Presidency For The Good Of America
Bloomberg aides continue insisting to everyone who'll listen, take down their quotes and eventually publish them that their boss isn't planning a run for president, and then they all lay out their brilliant, Machiavellian plans for ensuring Mayor Mike the Oval Office. Today's Journal presents this unnerving hypothetical: in the event of a Subway Series presidential race, Bloomberg will seize control of the nation in a bloodless electoral coup of INDEPENDENT MODERATE INDEPENDENCE, MAVERICK-STYLE.
One scenario — and the one aides are hoping for — would be a race between fellow New Yorkers Hillary Clinton and former Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Sen. Clinton's negative rating is the highest in either party, while Mr. Giuliani's is the highest among Republicans. That match-up could make what supporters see as Mr. Bloomberg's "above the fray" image more appealing. Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Giuliani are also seen as moderate on social issues, which could mute opposition to Mr. Bloomberg from the religious right. "If the parties nominate polarizing candidates...then there's plenty of room" for Mr. Bloomberg, independent pollster John Zogby said.
A Clinton/Giuliani/Bloomberg race means the next major terrorist attack on our city would be carried out by the rest of America.
People of Iowa, New Hampshire, and those other states that only matter briefly every four years: Please, please nominate Obama and, hell, Huckabee. The only thing we have to look forward to in a Bloomberg presidency is figuring out where he'll live once he decides the White House is too tacky.
