The Way We Live Now: with uncertainty. The only thing we know is that we don't know what we may or may not know. Who knows? Maybe this thing will blow over. In the meantime, you're fired. (And evicted).

The Way We Live Now: for the bank. Whereas formerly we only ordered the financial aspects of our lives with an eye towards impressing bankers, now we do everything to impress bankers. They're so influential!

Are you average? New Yorkers—egomaniacs, every one—like to think of themselves as above average. If you have an apartment in NYC, here's another way to think of yourself: well below average. Unless you are a millionaire.

The Way We Live Now: grasping for the worst case scenario. We can't help it. Comparing our own situation to the Great Depression helps us to maintain the illusion that it can't get any worse. Simultaneously, we sink deeper. Deeper.

We've all dreamed of smashing an ATM to get at the sweet, sweet money inside. But it always seemed like such a hassle. Dragging it behind a car? Messy crowbars? No more! Now you can rob ATMs the easy way.

The Way We Live Now: grabbing opportunities so tightly our fingers bleed, for they may be our last chance. Diamonds! China! Government jobs! Cozying up to the rich! Save me, JP Morgan! Save us all!

The Way We Live Now: day to day. Week to week. Paycheck to paycheck. Hand to hand. From sea to shining sea, let us all say a prayer for our unemployed, suffering fellow Americans. The CEOs among them, at least.

The Way We Live Now: differently. Because things are different! Including paradigms. You can no longer judge the future based on past performance. Yes, bad things happened before. But in the future, the sky's the limit. Technology is magic.

The Way We Live Now: gracefully submitting to our new overlords. There's no use trying to fight it any longer. As our jobs disappear, our investors flee, and our populace falls victim to scams, one thing is clear: Canada rules.

The Way We Live Now: we're not quite sure. On the edge? Teetering? Pulling back? Rushing ahead? Set to fold? Broke and busted? On the mend? Opinions differ. Except, we know it's bad. Definitely bad.

Utah investors gave money manager Travis Wright $145 million. He invested that money in outside-of-the box ideas, such as canned sandwiches. Now he's facing a lawsuit. In Travis Wright's defense: he was just doing what it takes, these days.

Finally, some good news, from a new Congressional report: fewer and fewer poor kids are going to college. Fantastic. Leave that money-sucking scam camp for the richies.

The Way We Live Now: In public. Public offerings, that is—initial ones! Are you "in" on the latest IPO, or are you twiddling your thumbs, letting inflation eat your precious nest egg, to death! Lively up yourself!

The death of the mall has been a meme long enough to have inspired an eponymous website, a documentary, and, with the onset of the recession, a slew of mall deathwatch trend stories. So...how much longer do these monstrosities have?

The Way We Live Now: plumbing the bubble-less depths of despair. Some people get private islands, other people don't even get an orphanage. But nobody will be getting mail on Saturday. So equality lives.

The Way We Live Now: puttering out. Winding down. Losing steam. The wind is leaving our sails, economically. We can't buy. We can't sell. We can't help you, you can't help us. Let's call the whole thing off.

A new study shows that money does buy happiness, after all. No shit.

The final deadline for bids on Newsweek is today. (There's still time—apply now!). And, in what must be an encouraging sign for Newsweek staffers, the most wacko bidders have been told their money is no good.

British oil trader Steven Perkins came home drunk one night last year, went online, and lost $10 million while trading oil futures. Now that vintage G.I. Joe you bought on Ebay while drunk doesn't seem so bad. [NYT, pic]

The Way We Live Now: totally misunderstanding the situation. It says here that some of you youngsters remain optimistic about your chances out there? Allow us to correct your mistaken idealistic perceptions.