The Way We Live Now: huffing and puffing and blowing houses down. We're talking economically, okay? Home equity has evaporated. Deflation is inevitable. Credit card rates are increasingly usurious. Your safe investments are bubbles. And your painting's been stolen. Blows.

Just as America's fragile economy was beginning to show signs of revival, investor confidence is flagging once again. This could mean what we all feared: a minor reduction in Wall Street employment.

Here's a new list of the highest-paid authors. Once again, it's all the crappy ones.

The Way We Live Now: Quantifordably. We don't actually need to change our current situation; we simply need to become more satisfied with it. For what is money but a number? And what is a number but...magic? I don't know.

The Way We Live Now: Drucken things up. Once you're already rich, why spend your life running a hedge fund, or something equally boring? Get out and live. Run a scam! Buy a decrepit town! Rule the world, for fun!

Fast food is already 98% of the average American's diet. So when the average American cannot afford fast food, we have a problem. Pizza Hut must slash its prices—otherwise, Americans could literally lose weight.

Yesterday came the first real signs that American Apparel could soon face bankruptcy. Today, the news for Dov Charney's breast-covering empire grows darker: a shareholder lawsuit, rumored store closings, a stock that's still plummeting, and disgruntled employees emailing us.

The Way We Live Now: doing the upper-middle class juggle. We're juggling baby! Can you keep a wife, a kid, a mortgage, a commute, and a second job in the air without dropping any? We'll watch you try!

"For-profit" colleges have come under fire for saddling students with big debts in exchange for dim job prospects. But what about "real" colleges? They're pushing huge debts on students, too. We crunched the numbers to find the worst (NYU).

The Way We Live Now: literally sitting on stacks of gold bullion. How you like that, ma? While the world fights over bus routes and the city fathers are getting evicted, here we sit, blinged, ringed, done, badumbumbum.

American Apparel's stock plunged 27 percent today after the company's long-delayed second quarter financial results revealed falling sales and dim prospects for improvement. Is bankruptcy on the horizon?

The Way We Live Now: girly. Meaning incapable of being paid what we're worth! Will the mighty USA one day be nothing more than a pit stop where Chinese Masters of the Universe pick up free cupcakes? It seems likely.

The Way We Live Now: machen Sie sich keine Sorgen. That means "don't worry about it," and that's what you can tell people if you're German, because Germany is running things now.

Billionaire Clinton pal and model wrangler Ron Burkle is salivating metaphorically at the prospect of getting his hands on Barnes & Noble, the once-mighty book chain that's now in play. Why?

The Way We Live Now: tempting the gods of the hanging stones. You can't afford to keep Stonehenge looking nice? Then all of your other troubles are a moot point, friend. Druids know how to kill your home equity, fast.

The Way We Live Now: beating a hasty retreat. Back to the safety of the economic bunkers! Batten down the fiscal hatches! Hell, we'll take the slow pain of the recession over the fear of the unknown. Safety first!

The Way We Live Now: embracing peace out of necessity. The days of unlimited defense budgets are over, for at least a year or two. As are the days of inflation, optimism, and stable money market accounts. It's a party!

Is the "Great Recession" over? Not according to statistics! Here is what happened last year economically, in a nutshell: everybody got poorer, except the people who live off your tax dollars. Where was the Tea Party during all this?

The Way We Live Now: in enslavement to repayment. Our salvation? Reparations. Or—damn it—at least a sandwich.

The Way We Live Now: shedding—shedding jobs, like a thick fur coat sloughing off in the summer's heat. You don't want our economy to sweat, do you? Not to worry: a little perspective will turn that frown upside down!