The Games of the XXXI Olympiad seem cursed for a number of reasons—but this particular tragedy, no one could have foreseen. For this is the tale of proud volleyball mom Cindy Lloyd’s exploded luggage. And shampoo was fucking everywhere.

Former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari will soon be a published author, but today, she officially became a blogger. Momtastic.com—a blog about fantastic moms—published a listicle by Kristin titled, “8 Lessons I Want My Kids to Learn Before They’re Teens.”

When asked why she thinks her son Jeb Bush would make a great president, Barbara Bush summed it up thusly: “I adore my child.”

In our digital age, there are increasingly more ways for young women to become famous. Perhaps the fastest growing exposure industry is YouTube, where content creators in their early twenties cosplay “high school life” for a legion of pre-teen viewers. “I hope your message is that this is fucked up,” a mom of a 10-year-old YouTube fan told me Monday night.

After her kids called her “the meanest mommy,” a Nebraska woman decided to show them who the meanest mommy really is: Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. The woman allegedly made the boys watch the film while duct-taped into their chairs.

At the bottom of a crowded subway stairwell one recent night, I got lodged behind a mother and her toddler-age son. She was bending down to level with him, his tiny primary-colored backpack slung over her left shoulder and a vinyl grocery tote in her right fist. The two were going over that night’s dinner plans.

With a little bit of headsmarts and ingenuity, anything is possible. Want to make a volcano but don’t particular remember middle school chemistry class? One young man has just the solution: a chiminea, a leafblower, and some dried up plants. It’s all you need to get in business—that is, until mom sees you.

Two 14-year-old girls at Pasadena High School near Houston took their fight—allegedly over a boy—to the park across the street from their school this past Tuesday. One girl's mother brought a gun.

When Karen Shearon learned her 15-year-old daughter failed a state exam on Tuesday, the Staten Island woman reportedly did what any other responsible parent would do, threatening to bomb the institution that flunked her.

Have you gone to the store yet? You're working from home, right? Do you have extra batteries even though you do not own any battery-powered devices? Well, Jesus, get on it, because the "crippling," "historic," big-ass blizzard of 2015 is coming fast and furious and your mother is only concerned because she loves you.

Anthony Smith, 21, was arrested by Martin County, Fla. police last month after sheriff's deputies found him outside his home, naked and masturbating. He was just listening to his mother, apparently: Smith told police that she doesn't allow him to watch porn inside.

When Yolanda Bogert's teenage son came out to her as transgender last week, she decided to show her love and support by correcting the official record.

A Pennsylvania mom whose only crimes were caring too much and allegedly giving an undercover cop money to murder someone sadly will not be enjoying Thanksgiving at home this year.

After giving birth via cesarian section at Boca Raton Regional Hospital in September, Ruby Graupera-Cassimiro fell unconscious from a rare amniotic fluid embolism. Doctors attempted to revive her for three hours, and after 45 minutes without a pulse, her family was called into the operating room to say their goodbyes. Just before doctors planned to declare the mother dead, her heart started beating again.

Have you heard? Ebola is here in New York City. Dr. Craig Spencer tested positive for the virus last night after taking the L, 1, and A trains, riding in an Uber, and bowling at Gutter in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Your mom is freaking out!!!

In keeping with the honored tradition started by David After the Dentist, 17-year-old Cody Lanphere's mother recorded him at his loopiest while driving home from having his wisdom teeth removed. His eyes swell with tears as he asks, "Where is Beyoncé? She told—she told me she'd be here. She lied to me! She lied to me, mommy."

A Vermont woman and candidate for mother of the year was discovered by cops in Brattleboro parked in the middle of the road with her child in the driver's seat of the car. Cops arrested her for being drunk and also endangering her child.

Shannon Watts, the head of the pro-gun-regulation group Moms Demand Action, is a mom. The National Rifle Association hates Watts. So it wrote a blistering profile of her. And dressed her up as a cutout mom with kitchen and housekeeping accoutrements, because moms oughta know their place!

A Suffolk, U.K. woman says she had her breasts enhanced from an A to a G cup because her discomfort with them got in the way of raising her two-year-old son. Now that she has her implants, she's basically the mum of the year.

Nothing says "I just got arrested for endangering my child" like jazz hands.