In 1979, the Chicago White Sox hosted Disco Demolition Night, inviting fans to bring disco records to Comiskey Park, then blowing them up on the field between doubleheader games. Saturday, a minor league franchise will destroy a bunch of Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber CDs in an attempt to replicate the zany stunt.

In case you were worried, police have recovered Miley Cyrus' missing Maserati. It was found in Simi Valley, 45 miles northwest of Los Angeles. Fan fiction entitled "The Adventures of Miley Cyrus' Missing Maserati" is a free idea for the taking.

According to police, two thieves broke into Miley Cyrus' San Fernando Valley home, stealing jewelry and making off with her new Maserati. The LAPD says that a man and woman scaled the fence and entered the home through the garage while no one was home.

Miley Cyrus obtained a temporary restraining order on Friday against an Arizona man who believed that the singer was speaking to him through the radio. His name is Mr. Wrecking Ball, JK.

Oh no. So remember when our Best Friend Forever, Jennifer Lawrence, told us how she got, like, crazy drunk at Madonna's Oscars after-party and puked in front of Miley Cyrus? Miley is reportedly now denying the story. Could it be that even Jennifer Lawrence exaggerates stories to make herself sound cooler than she actually is?

America's Best Friend, Jennifer Lawrence, got drunk and puked at Madonna's Oscars after-party. But it wasn't entirely her fault, she explained to Seth Meyers last night.

Fans were reportedly "shocked" that singer Miley Cyrus, who spent Friday night at a London gay club riding an inflatable penis and telling her ex-boyfriend to "suck my fat cock," also managed to work a joke about date rape into her busy schedule.

America demands to know: How do sassy older women feel about Miley Cyrus? And what about Miley Cyrus's vagina? Leave it to the best interviewer working today, the manic-manic Billy "On the Street" Eichner, to find out.

Illinois' newest menace is a group of three men called the Miley Cyrus Gang, who are alleged to have beaten multiple people in the city of Joliet this week. Why are they called the Miley Cyrus gang? Well, because before they pick fights, they "start talking about Miley Cyrus."

Pop star and person with a tongue Miley Cyrus, running out of ways to scandalize boring parents, tweeted out a couple of photos of her newest toy this week. It's a dildo the size and shape of a human hand.

Here is Katy Perry kissing Miley Cyrus on the mouth at Miley's show at the Staples Center in L.A. last night. Today, basically everybody in America went about their Sundays with no knowledge that two female pop stars kissed each other in public. This used to be a big deal!

A good cover of "Hey Ya." Anything is possible.

Well, here are some pictures of a topless Miley Cyrus. They're outtakes from her recent photo shoots with Vogue German and W. Click through for the full pictures.

"I think water's, like, a really important thing." - Miley Cyrus, whom Ronan Farrow describes as "Molly Bloom for the Instagram set" in his funny, half-empathetic/half-condescending W magazine profile of she who can't be tamed.

Ron Jeremy: not only is the porn star still alive but he's doing timely covers of Miley Cyrus songs. Why? Who knows. But this video is certainly terrifying and—if you don't want your coworkers to catch you watching Ron Jeremy in his underwear—mildly NSFW.

On this New Year's Day in America, 2014, the nation's typists ("thought leaders") are required to use their long-dormant psychic abilities to designate the next 12 months as the Year of Something or Other, whether that be "accidental mass suicide" or "wearable automobiles" or "raccoon-sized talking spiders." Such predictions will generally be wrong, yet there is also the remote possibility that the simple act of making a prediction will cause it to happen, no matter how ridiculous or vile.

Miley Cyrus appropriated Santa's lap as her own personal crotch-warmer at the Jingle Ball on Friday at New York's Madison Square Garden (see above), but she was a no-show at the Jingle Ball Boston show on Saturday night, thanks to inclement weather. That didn't stop the radio station from hosting the festival, Kiss 108, from claiming that she was there throughout the night, though.

Miley Cyrus: gateway drug. Back in the day, the latex salvia queen peer pressured Joe Jonas of the vaunted Brothers Jonas into trying marijuana, according to frère Joe's new semi-revealing (if weird Disney childhoods are your thing) New York Magazine essay.

It's in a largely uninhabited jungle region on the Atlantic, just over the border with Venezuela. When you hit "Manchester United Road," keep going straight about a mile.

It's true: People still use Chatroulette. Which is excellent news, because it means Chatroulette Troll Extraordinaire Steve Kardynal still has a place to play.