The public irritation with Michael Phelps gathers steam! Instead of being on the Wheaties box like a real American champion, Phelps has signed on to endorse Frosted Flakes. Yes: Michael Phelps wants your kids to choke down these sugar-encrusted corn scabs rather than the high fiber of Wheaties. The papers already found some doctors to condemn him. Though we shouldn't be surprised considering Phelps' addiction to Big Macs, the goofy-ass swimmer really should have been smarter in terms of his image. After the jump, five more idiotic celebrity endorsements that can't be explained by mere logic: 1. Wu-Tang Clan endorses St. Ides Malt liquor advocacy is not a positive move for the knowledge gods. On the other hand, Wu-Tang really doesn't give a fuck.

When will the far East stop its racist stereotyping of the white man? Athletes from across the world define the Chinese by the slanty-ness of their eyes. But China is just as bad. They harbor the ludicrous notion that whites look alike! Listen carefully, China: BBC pundit Steve Parry is a tall, white, goofy former swimmer. But Michael Phelps is a tall, white, goofy current swimmer. Being mistaken for someone else is just one more thing white men in China are forced to endure, like weird foreign food and a lack of readily available American flag bumper stickers. Watch the clip of Parry being mobbed by enthusiastic Michael Phelps fans below:

• Amanda Beard denies she's dating Michael Phelps because that would be "nasty." Michael, however, isn't commenting on whether or not he's dating Lily Donaldson, or anyone else. [NYP]

That was fast! Michael Phelps was a rocking gold-medal winner, then a record-breaking champion athletic God, then the $100 million endorsement kingpin, then a celebrity sex symbol. The whole process took maybe a week. Now? He has the "general aura of doucheyness," writes Alex Blagg at Best Week Ever, citing Phelps' propensity for side-cocked baseball hats and low-slung jeans, plus that Sports Illustrated cover. Bloggers aren't the only ones slamming Phelps in public. Here's the stone-cold way fellow 2008 Olympian swimmer Amanda Beard reacted to rumors that she hooked up with him:

So who is, like, winning all the medals this Olympics? Besides Michael Phelps I mean. It's a tricky question! If you're watching at home in U.S. America, you're probably inclined to think "America!" because not only does your capacity for snack food consumption mean NBC is raking in the most ad revenue in broadcasting the games, US media outlets conveniently ranks the countries in terms of "medals won," whereby the U.S. wins (by a hair!) and sits atop the official Medal Count, whereas over in China — and Hong Kong — they're ranking the countries in terms of gold medals scored, and China's winning that race by like 96. (Okay, 17.) In search of true journalistic objectivity we decided to consult some news sites representing countries without a proverbial "horse" in this race. Al-Jazeera!And guess what, Osama Bin Laden's mouthpiece says we won. They know what side of the balance of superpower their anti-hegemonic crusade is buttered (guns-ed?) on! Al Jazeera China Daily (Please note the awesome animated flame on this site!) Related: Did Bush Really Want To Bomb Al Jazeera? [The Nation]

Oh my, Michael Phelps, what have we here? I am guessing it was a local purchase? Perhaps from a small boutique in one of those labyrinthine Chinese megamalls that you could never actually find again in the case you discovered their elaborate certification that you were buying a genuine limited-edition Bathing Ape was a forgery? Here is a hint: Bathing Ape doesn't manufacture hoodies with short sleeves! I don't think so anyway. No one should! But also: I know you are down with G-Unit or whatever but you are a vaguely dorky-looking 6'5 white swimmer. The "whimsical self-mocking hip-hop internationalist" aesthetic was not meant for you. Your shorter whimsical less-white friend knows this. Call us when you win some gold medals that look as as cool as Mark Spitz's! [Guest of a Guest] Wholly unrelated: Just Asking: Is Michael Phelps A Douche? [Bestweekever]

Oh joy: another 'homage' cover from a magazine industry that appears to be running as thin on new ideas as it is ad pages! We will be sure to save this one in the hyperbaric chamber in which Gawker Media stores valuable artifacts of the dying days of print media alongside last month's Esquire's Stephen Colbert cover homage to Esquire's 1968 Mohammad Ali cover and that New York Marilyn Monroe homage cover featuring Lindsay Lohan and Esquire's homage to that disturbing (if your mom ever told you shaving your face would make you grow hair there anyway) 1965 Virna Lisi cover featuring Jessica Simpson and also Esquire's February homage cover ripping off that 1967 Angie (yes that one!) Dickinson photo to which they already paid homage to back in 2003 when Britney Spears could sell magazines not named OK!…are we missing any? Most certainly!It's not as if mid-century was such a golden age for magazine circulations. Esquire got up around a million during its heyday, sure, and now it's probably about 25% off that, but Sports Illustrated is actually significantly more widely read than it was in the seventies. But editors back them were at least a little less the prisoners of cover-testing and circulation departments. So it's no wonder that their more conservative descendents hark back to an earlier era when every tired cover gimmick was still new—and when Mark Spitz somehow convinced the International Olympic Committee to give him his medals on gold chains (check the photo) and the world was cooler then.

Are you sick of hearing by now how Michael Phelps eats 12,000 calories a day to fuel his superhuman championship swimming for the gold? Too bad dude! Because what has not been adequately discussed by the media is how awesomely all-American Michael Phelps' calories are. He eats McDonalds! And you can follow his championship diet, too! Allow one of our nation's most prominent journalists to tell you all about it: NBC anchor Brian Williams gave Phelps some special McD's dining advice before their recent interview:

Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps has, for now, made that critical flip-turn into full-blown celebritydom. That means we suddenly all officially care about who the gold-metal-dapppled 23-year-old is dating, assuming we weren't already obsessed with such questions the moment we saw his chiseled Olympic bod. The current rumors have Phelps linked with Lily Donaldson, pictured left, the 21-year-old English model who displaced Kate Moss at Burberry. They also have him snogging with Amanda Beard, pictured right, who like Phelps took home gold from the 2004 Olympics but who had less success in Beijing, failing to reach the finals. Will anyone care enough to gossip about Phelps' love life in a year? Will the 2012 London Olympic hopeful have time for a love life in a year? Doubtful on both counts, but for now at least you know who to be jealous of. [Telegraph via New York, Guanabee]

We'd heard of some unauthorized twaddle going around focusing on the gay undercurrent of the Summer Olympics, but as far as we're concerned, NBC is doing some of most trailblazing work this year by playing out Beijing's homoerotic currency right in the mainstream. Nowhere is it more evident than the network's Olympics Web site, where after a sleek, soaking stretch of Water Cube drama, a new slideshow today invites readers to guess the rippling abs whose owners made it through the historic week that was.Some are more challenging than others, but not knowing which Australian "recently dropped backstroke to focus on butterfly" or which American "has dominated his best stroke since 2001" (hint: not Michael Phelps!) hardly seems to detract from the guessing-game fun. All that's left now is to determine which of the fledgling Adonises will be first to attempt an unwitting, towel-snapping crossover opposite the latter-day equivalent of Steve Guttenberg and a diving dozen of West Village extras. (Read more coverage of the 2008 Olympic Games.)

• Bob Costas and Meredith Vieira are among the many NBC anchors who haven't been pronouncing "Beijing" correctly. (It's Bay-jing, not Bay-zhing.) Bonus points to Brian Williams for getting it right. [AP]
  

Long-torsoed anatomy model Michael Phelps has won more gold medals in one Olympics than anyone before him. That's not the only record he's set in the last week. According NBC's Bob Costas, Phelps has more Facebook "fans" than Will Smith, Miley Cyrus, and the Jonas Brothers — 767,885 at last count! Phelps tells Costas that besides the fans, he's got about 7,600 pending Facebook friend requests, too. "I can't accept any more," he tells Costas. Obsessed? You can always try. You might have better luck at friending Phelps than becoming his fan. Check out the screenshot below — that feature seems to be broken right now, perhaps because of the sudden onrush of Phelpsmania on Facebook.

East Village residents could be in for a pleasant surprise when they see 6'4" Olympian golden boy Michael Phelps walking down the street in a few weeks. That is, if the rumors that he's dating British model Lily Donaldson (and not Amanda Beard, whom he's also been linked to) are true. Donaldson spends most of her time in New York these days: Back in May, she bought a two-bedroom pad on Avenue B for $2.2 million. For his part, Phelps has already said he plans to take a few months off from swimming now that he's done with the Olympics. What else is he going to do if not hang out with his supermodel girlfriend, who just happens to have a lovely new love nest? One (much less alluring) bonus: Lily is just a few blocks from the crummy public pool at the Hamilton Fish Recreation Center on East Houston Street.

• Analysts are steeling themselves for a loss of as much as $1.8 billion when Lehman closes out the third quarter in a few weeks. [WSJ]

The glow from Olympic victory is notoriously short-lived. Prudent, then, that champion swimmer Michael Phelps is moving quickly to convert his Olympic buzz into sweet endorsement cash. Over the next week, Phelps will promote his existing sponsors. Then he's off to London and, several days later, New York, reports the Wall Street Journal. The athlete is estimated worth upwards of $40 million to Nike alone, assuming he switches to their swimwear from Speedo, and his agent estimates he can take in $100 million over the course of his lifetime. That aggressive number still values each of Phelps' 14 gold medals (eight this Olympiad alone) well below the going rate for top celebrity babies. And reaching the payday has been infinitely harder for Phelps, not to mention more tricky. Look at all the sometimes wacky and ill-considered endorsement possibilities he'll have to carefully navigate, lest he tarnish his brand:

Swim demon Michael Phelps won his 8th gold medal of the 2008 Olympics last night, his 14th overall. How does he do it? It's that crazy 6'4" bod of his! "Generally, a man's arm span equals his height but in his case it's 6'7"-three inches more than his height. Naturally his arms work as powerful propulsive paddles, giving him a clear edge over others. His lower body, interestingly, is shorter than that of an average man of his height. His relatively short legs result in less drag or resistance. In short, Phelps has an upper body of a 6'8" person but his lower body seems to be of someone who is only 5'10", which also make the perfect plane in water." More science after the jump.

Thirteen-time gold medalist swimmer Michael Phelps is such a big American hero and super-mega-champion, right? That's just what they want you to believe. In fact, his .01 second victory-the lowest margin of difference allowed in official swimming competitions-over Serbia's Milorad Cavic in the 100 meter butterfly yesterday was a giant scam! In fact, it was all part of an elaborate plot between Phelps, the U.S. government, NBC, and time-keeping overlord OMEGA! Don't believe the chlorinated hype!

Have you been too busy this week—doing stupid things like spending time with loved ones or finishing your funny and poignant first novel or lying in a pool of your own vodka—to watch the games of the 29th Olympiad coming to you from the future in Beijing? Well you've missed a lot, let me tell you. Thankfully, through the magic of technology, our masterful video staff was able to compress all the highlights you missed into one minute. There's gymnastics and fireworks and Phelps and the Elbow Incident. Clip is above.

Like a record-setting swimmer surging forward towards the goal, you, the Defamer readership, have flooded us with suggestions for which actor could best play the role of gold medal Olympian Michael Phelps. Swimming prowess was secondary (that's what they have CG for) and so were bankable names; after all, no A-list actor worth mentioning could hope to fill the speedo of these perfectly cast finalists. Bronze, silver and gold medals awarded after the jump:

Now that Michael Phelps has finally won more gold medals than Geena Davis, we can get down to the real business at hand: the swimmer's showbiz future. Sure, there's bound to be an awkward SNL-hosting stint yet to come, but as the boys at THR note today, most Olympians have to reconcile themselves to appearing in Duracell commercials or baring their midriffs opposite the Village People. Thus, let's focus on more positive matters, like casting the Michael Phelps Movie of the Week:Sure, there are advocates for McSwimmin', but how about John Krasinski, who plenty of fans of The Office might like to see wearing a hydrodynamic speedo for two hours? However, if producers are willing to take a Todd Haynes-inspired flight of fancy, might we also recommend Will Smith? He's got the ears and the toned body, and we have no trouble imagining him as he mows down a fleet of zombie swimmers, accompanied by nothing but his trusty goldfish (and, of course, his loneliness).