[Michael Phelps, inventor of the Olympics and water; getting another medal today/yesterday/so hard to tell; image via Getty] Tammany_Fall's new line beats the original, Spotting a Gold Candy Wrapper in the Stands, Precious Metal-Encrusted Athlete Hatches a Plan.

NBC has billions riding on the Olympics, and no amount of whining from sports fans is going to make them screw it up. Many fans are-not outraged, but mildly peeved-that some premier events at the '04 games were shown on tape delay, after everybody had a chance to find out who won on the nifty internet. So NBC made the Olympic Committee schedule too-popular swimmer Michael Phelps' races when they could be shown during prime time. Oh, the things that hundreds of millions of dollars can buy. And, deep down, we all sympathize with NBC: destroy whatever is necessary to fulfill America's greedy need for live-action gold, we say!

"Michael Phelps won his third gold medal and record-tying ninth of his career Tuesday, breaking his own world record in the 200-meter freestyle at the Beijing Olympics." [AP]

Does the Times' Play magazine want to marry awesomecredible Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps? Or just perform fellatio on him? We guess both. [NYT]