Miley Cyrus may get salvia banned. Michael Jackson's autopsy is not something we'd want to see. Michael Lohan gets botox but forgets child payments. Nicole Richie's getting married. Saturday gossip roundup can't move its face.

Even though he's dead, Michael Jackson has an upcoming album, Michael. The first single from said album is a duet with Akon called "Hold My Hand," and here's its music video, featuring lots of children, hand-holding (natch), and, well, sadness.

Conspiracy theorists, rejoice: Here is a five-part investigative series on Michael Jackson's demise, featuring handwriting analysis.

Myles Brown is 5 years old. He's a cute kid and he dances well. Does he remind you of a young Michael Jackson? Yes, yes he does. Watch inside.

Another day of Lindsay Lohan reckoning is nigh. Kim Kardashian's birthday cake will be encrusted in diamonds. The Sister Wives polygamists are actually kinda incestuous. Like, more than we realized the first time around. TGIFriday gossip.

Do you have rhythm? Can you bust some moves on the dance floor? Well, so can this kid—and he's only three years old! Watch as this little tike moves brilliantly to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" for a crowd.

Denied entry from Japan for being a cokehead, Paris Hilton tweets ominously. Nicole Richie has a bachelorette party in Mexico. Lindsay Lohan might be denied bail after her latest probation violation. Wednesday gossip terrorizes innocent women, children, and men.

Elisabeth Moss files for divorce. Jailbound Lindsay Lohan gets a facial. Michael Jackson's kids will take the stand to discuss his drug use. Tuesday gossip puts its best face and worst faith forward.

Kanye West's Twitter apology shocks a nation on vacation. Chelsea Clinton: smooching. Sam and Ronnie: Also smooching. Justin Bieber: dancing with Will Smith's son. Sunday Gossip Round up is like a flower petal caught in a wild stallion's mane.

The mansion where Michael Jackson died—TMZ has dubbed it, charmingly, "The MJ Death Mansion"—is for sale! Michael Jackson's ghost would be one of the best ghosts to have, when you think about it. [Pic via Real Estalker]

Oksana and Mel's troubles began at an Australian placenta ceremony. Lawyers bug Lindsay Lohan to testify about her strip search. Zac Efron blows $2000 on booze and strippers. Heidi Montag is missing. Wednesday gossip is a hot mess.

Michael Jackson's former Santa Barbara home was famous for having amusement park rides, a petting zoo, and for the child abuse complaints that originated there. Now the state of California wants to turn Neverland into a state park. Woo-hoo!

That million dollar figure for LiLo's total jail earnings is looking more and more likely. Spencer Pratt is homeless. Robert Pattinson picks a fight with Courtney Love. Tuesday gossip keeps its eyes on the prize.

Tila Tequila is too crazy for Gary Busey's safe haven. Michael Jackson hired mad scientists to teach pet chimp Bubbles to speak. Lindsay Lohan dodges "snake charmer" lawyer. Monday gossip is full of peril.

How much do we hate Chris Brown? This much: An "insider" says he used eyedrops for his recent onstage sob-fest. This is what happens when you're hell-bent on getting America to forgive you: We turn you into our whipping boy.

50-year-old Michoel Streicher, a singer who calls himself "The Michael Jackson of Jewish music" was sentenced yesterday to a year in jail for swindling a woman out of $36,000 he said he would use to buy a torah.

In her moment of need, LiLo looked to her mother, and her mother called a camera crew. Mel Gibson's ex says he knocked her teeth out with his fist. Chris Brown cried in public. Don't call Monday gossip a comeback.

Tonight, Chris Brown (yes, him) performed a "tribute" to Michael Jackson at the BET Awards. After a few minutes of showing off his dance moves, Brown got ~emotional~ and, in turn, transformed the tribute into something obnoxiously self-serving. Video inside.

[A ceremonial hat and glove adorned Michael Jackson's plaque in front of the Apollo Theater today where a memorial for the anniversary of his death was held. Image via Getty]

Since the singer's death last June, his estate has generated $200 million and paid all of his debt except for a $300 million loan due by year's end. Even dead and destitute, Michael Jackson still makes way more than you.