Ha! Our poor video team slaved away all day pulling clips from the Michael Jackson memorial service and put a funny exclamation point on it all with a couple of compilation videos featuring television commentators' desperate search for words.

Sure, the Department of Defense designed it to be military-grade rugged, but no one really knew if the internet could handle a memorial service webcast of a pop megastar. Oh, it was brutal. From a network engineering perspective.

Drudge protege Andrew Breitbart's logic-free sound insane via voicemail. But on Twitter, he's just an adorable curmudgeon. And on the topic of Michael Jackson's funeral, he has the benefit of being a refreshing antidote to the cable news saccharine sweetness.

Well, that was both horrifying and depressing. The Michael Jackson Public Memorial has lurched to a close and, to paraphrase a commenter, we feel like we've been underwater for hours. Messy and strange, let's remember the remembrance.

The Michael Jackson memorial is over, the 20,000 people who attended the event at the Staples Center have long since returned home to cry into their pillows, and the millions more tuned into the spectacle via TV and the Web have gone back to watching the usual—sitcoms, crappy reality programming, and Internet porn. The spectacle is expected to go down as one of the most-viewed events in history. (A few people less than the "several billion" predicted by Jackson family flack Ken Sunshine this morning, but still.) But just because the memorial is over and Jackson has been laid to rest (or has he?) doesn't mean you can't keep Jackson's memory alive in your hearts. And on your skin. Have you been thinking about a Michael Jackson memorial tattoo? You are not alone! [Buzzfeed]

Speaking of important Michael Jackson news, pancake-painter-to-the-stars Dan Lacey has some! He painted this moving portrait of "Joe Jackson with a Michael Jackson memorial ticket and a pancake upon his head." Ebay is censoring it!

Michael Jackson died. And today is the huge, public memorial clusterfuck. On this post we'll be sharing, in the comments, our reactions to the event as it unfolds on every television network ever. Join us!

Michael Jackson's memorial service happens in LA today. Is it a media circus out there? Check out the elephants! Eh? Seriously, it sounds like the media equivalent of the Superdome after Katrina. A brief rundown of the clusterfuckery:

• Mariah Carey, Stevie Wonder, Usher, Lionel Richie, Queen Latifah, Jennifer Hudson, John Mayer, and a truck full of elephants (left) will all on hand for the Michael Jackson's memorial service in LA later today. Debbie Rowe and Elizabeth Taylor will not be there, however. [Reuters, NYDN, People, Us]
• Several ladies from the Real Housewives of New York are demanding more cash before signing up for another season of the show. In addition to "six-figure deals," they're asking for clothing, hair and makeup allowances and "a promised amount of screen time." You're shocked by this, we're sure. [NYDN]
• In other Housewives news, it looks like LuAnn de Lesseps may be reuniting with her estranged husband, and Bethenny Frankel is engaged. [P6, Us]

Television reporters set up shop outside the Jackson family home in Encino. Los Angeles is going to spontaneously combust today. Mark my words. (AP/Jason Redmond)

Have you heard about the appearance of Michael Jackson's ghost during Larry King's broadcast from Neverland last Thursday? Plenty of America's most staggering dipshits saw it, so CNN devoted an entire segment on King's show tonight to solving the mystery.

As it has for so many other celebrities, death has bolstered Michael Jackson's image. The late pop singer just surpassed Barack Obama to hold the most popular page on Facebook. The numbers are pretty staggering:

Republicans are sick of Michael Jackson: it's a meme! We don't know why, but it is! Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is sick of this nonstop coverage of the death of one of the world's most famous and bizarre people.

Robert Pattinson thinks New York women are crazy, Lady Gaga gets naked in London club, Michael Bay puts Megan Fox in the corner, Josh Duhamel is an ass man, Russell Crowe throws another public hissy-fit and Rihanna's boob falls out.

• Robert Pattinson has been in NYC shooting his new movie, Remember Me, but he's been so overwhelmed by the out-of-control teenage fans who track his every move, he'd really like to return home to the U.K. [NYDN]
• Chris Brown's run-in with Rihanna isn't putting a damper on his social life: He was spotted "locking lips" with Amber Rose, Kanye West's ex, at Diddy's annual White Party this past weekend. Rose's career is picking up too: She's been signed by Ford Models. [NYDN, P6]
• Courtney Love supposedly trashed her room at the Inn on Irving Place when she stayed there a couple of weeks ago, leaving behind dirty needles, used feminine hygiene products, and a flooded floor. [P6]
• Today in Michael Jackson-related news: His memorial is scheduled for tomorrow and a gazillion fans are expected to show up; a battle over his will appears to be brewing; and Debbie Rowe flipped out when the paparazzi caught up with her outside a Chinese restaurant yesterday. [CBS, ABC, TMZ, TMZ]
• You may be hearing more from Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin's baby daddy. He's shopping a book and is in talks to appear in a "docudrama." [NYM]
• Jon Bon Jovi serenaded diners at the Blue Parrot, the Mexican spot in East Hampton that he co-owns. [P6, HuffPo]

Michael Jackson was supposed to perform a series of concerts at 02 arena; speculation has been that the preparation may or may not have been what killed him. Madonna performed there last night, and threw down for Jackson in tribute.

Details for Michael Jackson's public memorial service on Tuesday are shaping up right now at a press conference. What's important: it's going to be broadcast live on TV and streamed, and tickets can be applied for online right now.

[That's light coming from within Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch early this morning, near Los Olivos, CA; image via Getty]

No, argues one columnist who's not afraid to tell it like it is:

Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger are so doing it, Kevin Jonas is engaged, Hayden Panetierre is totally naked in her new movie, Tinsley Mortimer is dating a German aristocrat and Mischa Barton gets kicked out of a London nightclub's bathroom.