It seems like retired Disney CEO Michael Eisner has finally discovered a diverting way to spend some of that newfound free time: taunting reporters with potentially controversial comments about his successor's plans, then sullenly yanking away the possibly interesting remark like a child denying his Labrador another sweet bite of a well-chewed Frisbee. From an interview in Australia's The Bulletin:
You know what a troubled cable network needs? New programming, specifically shows hosted by the most reviled and demonized media executive in recent history. CNBC knows what it has to do, then: Give former Disney CEO Michael Eisner his own talk show. Surely the one-hour program, Conversations With Michael Eisner, will make Tina Brown's late Topic [A] look like a breakaway hit.
· Michael Eisner finally finds some meaning for his post-Disney existence, signing up to host a bi-monthly CNBC talk show, the aptly named Conversations with Michael Eisner. The network says the show "will focus on the importance of creativity and innovation in all pursuits, from business to politics to entertainment," but with an eye toward "wistfully reminiscing about Eisner's days as the most powerful man in Hollywood, which I—excuse us—he totally was." [Variety]
· Rosie O'Donnell is producing a sketch comedy show for MTV network Logo. Think Saturday Night Live, but you know, gay. And probably funnier. OK, maybe not. [THR]
· Relieved to have big bully Monday Night Football out of the way, Two and a Half Men beats up on the premiere of Emily's Reasons Why Not, which we predict (as we must) will be gone by early February. [Variety]
· EuroSlump '05: European movie ticket sales were down in 2005, though revenue still increased a bit. Who can we invade to halt the slide? [THR]
· The TV Academy may change its rules to define its comedy category to include only traditional sitcoms, leaving "dramedies" (and please, for the love of God, don't use the term "comerama") like Boston Legal and Desperate Housewives to get hammered in the drama contest by Lost at the Emmys. [Variety]
The LAT reports that retired Disney CEO Michael Eisner has had some informal, "Hey, at an unspecified date in the future, maybe you and I can get together and build a rival media company once my lawyers are satisfied that a court will find such future partnerships don't violate my severance deal" chats with a couple of his former lieutenants, but still hasn't made up his mind about his much-chattered-about next step. So why can't the set-up-for-untold- generations former mogul just fill his infinity pool with hundred dollar bills, pull up a deck chair, and watch as the crisp bills flutter placidly over the edge and out of sight? Because retirement is, like, totally boring:
· "They've given me complete freedom," said lead-handed Crash director/screenwriter Paul Haggis, in reference to a pilot he's doing for NBC. Have more frightening words ever been spoken?
· This Dr. Phil clip made us taste bile, not chuckle, so officially we're still waiting The Showbiz Show to deliver its first laugh. There, we said it.
· Somewhere on the Fox lot, a series of high fives are being exchanged, as the network dominated the Parents Television Council's list of worst shows for primetime family viewing with The War at Home, Family Guy, American Dad, The OC, That 70s Show, and Arrested Development all meriting inclusion. Celebratory Fox News Cafe theme menu to follow—the I'm Terrified My Daughter Is Dating A Black Guy War at Home meatloaf is going to be delicious.
· We really hate to see Ari Emanuel confused. Maybe he shouldn't think so hard about politics and just take a little cat nap whenever he gets the urge to blog.
· Also, will someone help Michael Eisner find a job? It breaks our heart to think he's sitting around feeling unfulfilled, but we can't say we didn't see this coming.
An SEC filing reveals that Michael Eisner has resigned his seat on Disney's board of directors and "no longer provides any services" for the company, seemingly killing our crazy hope that he'd one day serve us a piping-hot churro outside the Haunted Mansion. Our Mouse ears are limp with grief, etc etc. The filing also discloses details of new CEO Bob Iger's compensation package; after paying out hundreds of millions of dollars in salary and bonuses to Eisner over his two decade tenure, it looks like the company wants Iger to earn his coming fuck-you money:
Just two days away from officially stepping down as CEO of Disney, Michael Eisner is seeking a new, reduced role within the company, and, more importantly, an office in which to spend time wistfully staring out the window while listening to the hypnotic clack-clack of his favorite desk toy, remembering the good old days. From the LAT:
· David Geffen called off talks for NBC Universal to buy DreamWorks, stepping away from the table when NBC Uni reduced their offer "on the 1-yard line," noting partner Steven Spielberg's supposedly "ambivalent" attitude about the deal. Who will buy the Geffen-Spielberg lovechild? [dramatic organ music] Will Geffen's ploy to negotiate in the trades pay off? [somewhat louder, dramatic organic music] Stay tuned! [Variety]
· Why We Love Hollywood, Part Thirty-Five: Benderspink and New Line come up with the idea for the comedy Boob Job during a company lunch, when a NL exec "told a really funny story about a guy whose wife had gotten implants and it ruined the guy's life," With that kind of thoughtful storycraft, there is no way this movie can possibly fail. [THR]
· Giddy from signing Family Guy showrunner David Goodman to a two-year development deal, 20th Century Fox TV president Gary Newman lets down his guard and describes Goodman as "a fantastic piece of manpower." Wow. That must've been some hot, closed-door negotiation. [Variety]
· Judging from her premiere Nielsens, fictional Commander in Chief president Geena Davis is easily more popular than George W. [THR]
· Says Var about Michael Eisner's final public address as head of Disney: "Call Michael Eisner the anti-Cher: While most aging icons' farewell tours are loud, frenzied and never-ending, the Walt Disney CEO seems determined to go out like a lamb." The anti-Cher? This pretty much kills Eisner's post-Disney plan to make a living doing campy cameos on Will & Grace. [Variety]
This Sunday's LA Times Magazine went foraging through the detritus currently "circling the pop-culture drain" at the area's 99 Cent stores, and while trying to discern the connection that made Queen Amidala and body wash seems like a match made in retail tie-in heaven, discovered a quiet indictment of the twilight of Michael Eisner's tenure at Disney:
The Hollywood Trial of the Century ended this afternoon in a Disney victory, with a Delaware judge ruling that while it certainly may have a been a pretty dumb idea for Michael Eisner to hire onetime "life partner" Michael Ovitz to help him run the Mouse, then give him a $140 million kiss-off 14 months later when the duo discovered that they would no longer cross a street to urinate on each other if they were engulfed in life-threatening flames, the nine-figure boner didn't constitute a breach of executive duty. Guess there's some kind of ten-figure threshhold where an "oopsie" becomes punishable negligence.
At last Thursday's unveiling of Disneyland's "special" star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, outgoing CEO Michael Eisner and CEO-to-be Bob Iger commemorate the Magic Kingdom's 50th anniversary by kneeling down and simulating the company's secret, Mickey-blowing initiation ritual.
[Photo: Jeff Lange, Jim Hill Media]
With just 5,431 copies sold in its first month of release, Michael Eisner's Camp, the longtime Disney CEO's heartfelt remembrances of three-legged races, leisurely canoe rides, and his serial victimization by swirly-obsessed bullies, isn't exactly burning up the summer bestseller lists. At least the soon-to-be-massively-remaindered author is looking on the semi-bright side. From the LAT:
No round-up of red-hot summer camp memoirs would be complete without the rising master of the form, lame duck Disney CEO Michael Eisner, whose visionary Camp will one day be considered the acme of the form. Unfortunately, this literary genius may be doomed to go unappreciated by his contemporaries, as a reviewer at USA Today dumps a bucketful of Kakutani-strength haterade all over Eisner's book:
The This is 14th Street blog has a fascinating account of lame duck Disney CEO Michael Eisner's recent hotel stay in NY. He paid cash, had no visitors, and never left the room (unless he was smuggled in and out in someone else's Louis Vuitton luggage). The stage seemed to be set for a final boat ride down the "It's A Small World" Styx with a mouse-eared Charon, but Eisner cheerily reappeared the next day, leaving only a mystery behind:
While it seemed like Disney CEO-in-waiting Bob Iger was sending a message to the world with this fortuitously placed ad on the NYT website, now it looks like someone's trying to slip him a warning in the same space.* And by "someone," we think it's pretty obvious we mean "Michael Ovitz." If Ovitz is trying to slip a note to Iger, he's being a little melodramatic; working underneath Michael Eisner didn't kill him, just his career.
· Hey, did you hear? Bob Iger's taking over Disney! Also, Eisner will step down in September, a year ahead of schedule, but his secret control will linger indefinitely. [Variety]
· Also: Bob Iger takes over Disney; Eisner will step down early. [THR]
· Hilary Swank celebrates her Oscar win by signing up to star in The Reaping for Dark Castle, Joel Silver and Robert Zemeckis' schlockhouse horror flick production company (Gothika, Ghost Ship, 13 Ghosts, The House on Haunted Hill and House of Wax). The whereabouts of Swank's agent and manager are unknown; presumably, her decision-making team has fallen down a well. [Variety]
· The networks have finally run out of actors for pilots, as Peter "Jennie Garth's husband" Facinelli has been cast in ABC's Westside. [THR]
· Universal gives Antoine Fuqua's American Gangster sloppy seconds to Hotel Rwanda's Terry George. [Variety]
· Desperate for some hint of what the fuck is going on in the show, superfans camp out in front of the DGA for Lost night at the Paley Television Festival. [THR]
Please, Mr, Iger, you don't have to kill anyone else*, at least for a little while; the Disney board's finally chosen you to succeed Michael Eisner as Head Mouse in Charge at the Magic Kingdom/Media Concern. That's right, you'll be replacing the same Michael Eisner who was quoted in DisneyWar offering the following votes of confidence for your candidacy: "Bob can’t run this company,” "[he] lacks the stature" and could "never succeed me." Also, our personal favorite: "If I had to choose, it would not be Bob." We hope that Eisner made it up to you with a gift basket full of pricey cheeses and handcrafted vodkas. Or, you know, by handing you the job now so that you can continue his legacy.
