Philadelphia meteorologist John Bolaris—a bar-trawling man-about-town who has been described as a "media self-promoter," "weatherhunk," "publicity hound," and "poonhound"—has lost his job in the wake of a "real-life The Hangover," with a side of Anchorman bluster.

Successfully smuggling little bags of pot (and pot seeds) into jail is difficult enough. How do you smuggle in a whole lady? Especially a stripper-lady, who might look conspicuous in her Lucite goldfish shoes, neon spandex underpants, and bare-boobs ensemble?

Another alleged victim of Oneal Ron Morris—the Floridian fake doctor accused of injecting "cement, 'Fix a Flat,' mineral oil, and superglue" into her patients—has come forward. Rajee Narinesingh tells Miami's CBS affiliate that she heard about Morris by "'word of mouth' in the transsexual community," and underwent the procedures out of desperation:

In July 2010, 79-year-old Florida man Richard Smith went to the hospital complaining about breathing troubles and stomach pains. After his nurse accidentally injected him with Pancuronium—a drug that's given to death row inmates during the execution process—Smith's health troubles were gone. But so was he, eventually.

Are we sick of Herman Cain saying stupid things? No? Good: here's video of the Republican front-runner asking a bunch of people in Miami "How do you say 'delicious' in Cuban?" This is, we guess, Cain's third embarrassing gaffe in as many days, if you don't count his entire campaign as slow-motion, multi-day gaffe. And, no, "he was tired" won't fly as an excuse—he's asking because he's enjoying a cup of Cuban coffee.

Internet racist Matt Drudge recently paid $1.45 million cash for a five-bedroom "safari-like tropical retreat" near his Miami, Florida, home. Here's a video tour.

While Beyonce was announcing her pregnancy last night, little sister and hipster foil Solange Knowles was in a surrealist, possibly racist brawl with the Miami Beach police force. It all started when Solange tried to carry a five-foot inflatable banana into a nightclub.

Gay porn personality and CNN's hottest citizen reporter Sean Loftis (better known to our blind, hairy-palmed readers as Collin O'Neal) has been fired from his teaching job in Florida because of his adult video past. And now he's back to making porn again!

Reporter Brandon K. Thorp explains how his investigation into the "lavender mob" running the Catholic Archdiocese of Miami —published here earlier today—came to be, and why the existence of a lively and hidden gay subculture within an institution devoted in part to demonizing homosexuals is an untenable and corrosive hypocrisy.

John C. Favalora is a sallow old man who looks like the corpse of Dom DeLuise. He likes attractive young men to sit on his lap and allegedly treats them to trips in the Florida Keys. He was, until recently, part owner of a company that makes "all natural" boner-inducing beverages. He's also the Archbishop Emeritus of Miami.

There are gay bars, gay nightclubs, and even gay cruises, so why not gay hotels? Such was the thinking of Brian Gorman, who recently opened the Miami branch of the first (openly) gay hotel chain. Called Lords, the new outpost is a renovated 1930s deco house done up by the New York-based design studio BHDM in bright yellows and aquamarines, midcentury-modern-inspired furniture, and patches of glitz and glam.

It's not that Real Housewife of D.C. and White House party crasher Michaele Salahi's dance single is awful, which it is, it's that it is so sad. Everything about it is so eye-gougingly sad that it's probably the saddest attempt at a second act in the history of television.

Miami! A town where you can stroll through South Beach in fashionable clothing, or—if you happen to be a black male—you can be shot by the police. Either/ or.

In the northern parts of this country, it's already been a long, wild winter. That makes it the time of year when those of us in freezing cities fantasize about which tropical locations we'd move to. Let's contemplate the options.

Well, this is weird. Florida authorities are stumped as to how a charred grand piano—weighing 650 pounds—appeared on the high point of a sandbar in Miami's Biscayne Bay. They're not going to remove it, either! Here's a video.

The bomb squad was called when a bag exploded today at Miami International Airport and pieces of metal flew out. But it wasn't a bomb, just an exploding can of hairspray. Now we have to worry about militant hairdressers?

Hundreds of attractive people dressed in black descended on Miami this past week for Art Basel Miami Beach, the international art exhibition. But don't be sad if you didn't go! We've got you covered here with plenty of sweet photos.

A Miami doctor is suing Hillstone Restaurant Group, parent of the Houston's chain, after a bad experience with an artichoke. Apparently Arturo Carvajal ordered the off-menu special of "Grilled Artichokes." Then he ate the entire thing, leaves and all.

A Miami woman returned from Haiti with a case of cholera. The disease has afflicted thousands in Haiti, but there hasn't been here since the '90s. But stay calm. No matter what newspeople say, none of you are at risk.

A tipster spotted actor Sean Penn boarding a flight from Miami to L.A. (For what it's worth, Sean, you'll always have Priority AAccess to our hearts.) Have you spotted someone noteworthy? Email us a photo or post it to #stalker.