• Now that we're certain British crackhead Pete Doherty is a real person, we can fully appreciate his latest arrest for car theft. Oh, don't worry — he was charged with possession, too. He wouldn't drop the ball and let you down like that. [BBC]
• Funny how a handful of the featured artists at the Whitney Biennial are with or have shown at the Perry Rubenstein Gallery. Funny how Sylvia Chivaratanond, who works at the gallery, is partners with Biennial co-curator Philippe Vergne. [Anonymous Female Artist]
• Think about it: You've lost your home, your city, perhaps even your loved ones. The last thing a Katrina victim wants is an afternoon shopping with Britney Spears. [AP]
• There is no line between a normal New Yorker and an actual bad person. They're one in the same, you fucking twit. Now move. [Logged Hours]
• Stars nowadays suck. [Ad Age]
• Bad news for Broadway, as casting for the musical version of Legally Blonde is requesting "Abercrombie & Fitch fraternity and sorority types." [NewYorkology]
• Life ain't easy when you're Mark the Cobrasnake. You have to, like, wear visors and stuff, even when you don't feel like it. [Vulture Droppings]
• More headline laziness. Why not be creative? We're thinking more like "Mrs. Smith Sucks Off Washington." [Gilded Moose]

• Le Camion, the final showing in the Alliance Francaise's month-long Marguerite Duras festival, stars the director and Gerard Depardieu of My Father The Hero fame. You can be sure that the discussion that follows, led by John Waters, will be glorious. [flavorpill]
• Ryan McGinness, master of Adult Finger Painting (in the "grown-up" rather than "Farrah Fawcett" sense), lectures tonight at the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn. [Paper]
• Nicolai Dunger pours his heart out to the crowds at the Mercury Lounge. The indie kids may not be as crendentialed as a shrink, but the adulation more than makes up for it. [Upcoming]

Our beloved officials at the MTA announced yesterday that refuse left behind from riders has resulted in "about 15 tons more trash a day" than in 2004. Authorities noted communter newspapers like AM New York and Metro, which are hawked outside of subway entrances, are particularly responsible in the increase in garbage, and "may be in large part to blame for a surge in track fires."

The mysterious maple-syrup has, as we all know, been visiting the city occasionally since at least October. We've reported on several major outbreaks, plus there have been more than a few isolated occurrences we've opted not to alert you to, because, unlike Tom Ridge, we prefer not to scare you with a heightened aroma-alert level unless we foresee a potentially serious development. Now, though, we must bring you some new and perhaps worrisome olfactory news, sent in late last night by a reader:

• Fresh from some Rolling Stone fellatio, Aziz Ansari headlines at Mo Pitkin's Here's The Thing. [flavorpill]
• Sloppy seconds: Exchange vintage clothes — along with the usual STDs — tonight at Thrift On at Botanica Bar. [Paper]
• Unknown White Male documents the experience of Doug Bruce, a New York resident who woke up on the subway one morning with no recollection of who he was or where he'd been. You say "amnesia," we say "hangover." [TONY]

New York toys with the brand-new Davie-Brown Index, which is designed to rate a celebrity's worth as a marketing tool (think of it as an updated Q rating). Denizens of Famousville are quantified by a survey of 1.5 million Americans, who scored celebs on all sorts of endorsement-worthy attributes. And what did we learn?

Sightings are sent in by our half-blind readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com

Was this really shot late one recent night on Brooklyn yeshiva scene, as we were told it was by the hipster Hasid who sent it in? Who knows? But it's one teenage Hasidic boychik, complete with tzitzit and the big hat, rocking out Michael Jackson-style, as all his little Hasidic friends cheer him on. And it's kind of freaking hilarious. L'chaim!

As we type this, the entire staff of the Yale Daily News (at right, cameraphone-style) is on a field trip, touring the offices of our own Daily News. From what we understand, they're wee and timid — except for a moment of sycophantic gushing directed towards alum Chris Rovzar, who's acheived the Yalie dream of working at a gossip column.

Friday:
• Manhattan's biggest nerds rejoice: the very first Comic-Con hits the Javits center starting today. And so a million girls flock west, hoping to find their own Seth Cohen. [NYCCC]
• Man Man catches the Amtrak in for a show at Northsix. It's no Boyz II Men, but Philly apparently has some other decent music to offer. [flavopill]
Saturday:
• If Sasha Cohen and the rest of the Olympians have you feeling a little disappointed and jingoed-out, channel your Commie side with a mini-film festival by Red Shift. Highlights include the section on the Chillfactor (Ode to the Spines of the Money-Lender). [Paper]
• Roxy Pain play their spazzy best tonight at Cake Shop. Go and dance like your having the best seizure of your life. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• MoMA's P.S.1 opens their spring season, featuring a major exhibition by Wolfgang Tillmans, with festivities from noon to 6. All the fun of MoMA at a quarter of the price. [PS1]

Yeah, the strike was messy and inconvenient and unpleasant, but it least it finally made a deal happen on all those employment issues. What? Oh, right.

• Performer-about-town and Gawker To-Do staple Jonathan Ames gives a reading at the Barnes & Noble on 21st and 6th. Catch a glimpse of his testicle (or is it his liver?) tonight at 7. [Jonathan Ames]
• Jonathan No. 2, this time of the Safran Foer variety, gives a reading at the BAMcafe. To help you distinguish, fewer testicles and more cellists will be involved in this dinner affair. OK, there's only one cellist — but we still maintain the fewer testicles claim. [Upcoming]
• Metlife, opening tonight at the Morgan Lehman Gallery, has nothing to do with insurance. The show features 12 metropolitan artists working under "the loose theme of studio culture." Translation: easels, narcissism, and a whole lot of substance abuse. [flavorpill]

In this highly speculative edition Gawker Stalker: Lindsay Lohan and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers at Bungalow 8 and the Spotted Pig, a rotund but curt Jared Leto, Bjork, Paul Rudd, Harvey Weinstein, Steven Spielberg and daughter, Susan Sarandon and daughter, Bob Balaban, Josh Lucas, Matthew Fox, Chelsea Clinton, David Cross, Sandra Bernhardt, Matt Dillon, Eric Balfour, The Flying Tomato, John "Artie Bucco" Ventimiglia, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Mandy Moore, Alec Baldwin, Cynthia Nixon, Diana Krall and Elvis Costello, Oliver Platt, Roseanne Cash, Jerry Springer, and Mario Cantone.

• "Brooklyn-based doom quintet" Bloody Panda perform at Tonic. Gothamist to stage protest shortly thereafter. [flavorpill]
• Lit celebrates four years as being the go-to destination for all things hip, disaffected, and herpetic. Tonight's party should be no exception — like Blue States Lose Live. If you don't know where Lit is, you probably don't want to go anyhow.
• The voyeuristic folks at Overheard in NY give a reading tonight at the Astor Place Barnes & Noble. We can only hope that their live version involves some sort of dramatic reenactment. [ONY]

In what was no doubt an emotional — yet perfectly coiffed — ceremony yesterday, the block of West 66th Street between Central Park West and Columbus was dubbed Peter Jennings Way, in honor of the late ABC News anchor who died of lung cancer last August (the block is home to ABC News' headquarters). The ceremony was quite the who's who event, with Elizabeth Vargas, Charles Gibson, Diane Sawyer, David Westin, and Mayor Bloomberg in attendance.

• Gayronic is the theme of tonight's Art Jam at Galapagos, featuring Mike Albo, the Lesbian Overtones, and a "lacerating wit" that can only be found outside the closet. Also, Straightronic doesn't really have the same ring. [flavorpill]
• Original Renter Anthony Rapp squeezes as much money as possible out of said theatrical stint with his new book, Without You: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and the Musical RENT. He gives a reading tonight at Barnes & Noble on 6th. [Paper]
• Ritalin Readings! Funny people! Short readings! Shiny things! [Upcoming]

In this misplaced celebrities edition of the Stalker: Cate Blanchett does Brooklyn, Eli Manning does Hoboken, Jack White, Jules Asner and Steven Soderbergh, David Cross, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Lauren Ambrose, Mandy Moore, Chloe Sevigny, Gabriel Byrne, Cuba Gooding Jr, Mike Myers, Janeane Garofalo, Ed Burns, Sean Connery, Jim McGreevey, Kyle Gass, Tom Cavanaugh, Michael Showalter, Henry Rollins, Nick Nolte, Michael Stipe, Jena Malone, Keri Russell, Tatum O Neal, Kim Gordon, Robin Leach, Tony Danza, and Dr. Ruth Westheimer.

So we're sitting in a Dunkin Donuts on Second Avenue, having just checked the front window of the Second Avenue Deli ourselves, when we see Eater has beaten us to the punch. The above sign, affixed to the beloved and bygone deli is worrisome, sure. But we also agree with our foodie friends' assessment: It's clearly a hoax.

Last week the Times's Metro metrosexual Nick Confessore brought us an elegiac 750 words, teased prominently on B1, relaying the general-contracting news that a Windsor Terrace bar is replacing its floor.