• Red Light Winter, the latest play by Adam Rapp, follows "three young Americans caught in a bizarre love triangle of erotic fixation." That's theatre speak for "stupid college kids rolling on E in Amsterdam." [flavorpill]
• In an appearance with the New York Philharmonic, Garrison Keillor brings the News from Lake Wobegon to Avery Fisher Hall tonight. Go and see a real, live Midwesterner! [Upcoming]
• In honor of Purim, Scotty the Blue Bunny hosts the Kosher Cock Show at Mo Pitkins'. Because what Jewish holiday is complete without an inappropriately themed hipster event? [Paper]

Today we're launching the next step in inane celebrity drooling: Gawker Stalker Maps, in which we try visually pinpoint the location of every stalkworthy celebrity as soon as they're spotted. According to Lloyd Grove's column today, celebrity publicists like Leslie Sloan Zelnick and Ken Sunshine think our new venture is disgusting. If we were unkind people, we might say the same about their clients' work. But we won't.

Because we are far too in awe of the boy-beast that is Macaulay Culkin, we could not bring ourselves to attend his reading at Barnes & Noble last night. Thankfully, a reader willing to face Culkin's bright, shining star reports on the scene:

• More on HBO's new multi-wived drama, Big Love: If you liked the premiere or just needed more reason to hate it, behold the show's cruel marketing tactics. We'll let you plaster the background of Page Six with your logo, but defiling the Times Vows section is simply unacceptable. What was once pure is now maimed by marketing whores. [City Specific]
• A study finds that bloggers do very little original reporting and, less surprisingly, cable news is the most shallow and ephemeral of media outlets. This has been brought to you by the Captain Obvious Center for Media Research. [NYT]
• Even less original reporting from bloggers today, as we hear that Blogger has been down. We love it when bloggers can't even bitch about being unable to bitch.
• Surprise, surprise: They just might shut down The Falls, where ex-con Darryl Littlejohn worked as a bouncer and was last seen with murder victim Imette St. Guillen. While it's still open, try to have your birthday party there — should be plenty of room for you and yours. [NY Sun]
• Remembering better days, before Angelina Jolie was rescuing orphans and was just another crazy dyke. [Stories You Cannot Tell]
• Mariah Carey buys her own winery — because that's how rich boozers roll. Rest assured, the zinfandel is very full-bodied. [omg blog]
• The best of Amazon, as presented by Andrew Krucoff. [Young Manhattanite]

According to the Sun, Grand Central has been hit with a crippling tragedy. A mouse or rat has passed away, but its last moments were not private. Instead, the rodent died within or around the interior walls of the station's main information booth — that is, right smack in the middle of everything, where it has since peacefully rested, every day decomposing like a little flower. And though the smell of the rotting rodent corpse is concentrated right behind the booth, the odor is bad enough to warrant an emergency-services style search for the carcass.

OK, back to the Daily News. It wasn't just Brooklyn Heights, clearly; there are reports coming in of free Newses being given away all over the city, many by people more attractive than your usual hawkers and many by people wearing some sort of Washington Mutual garb. What gives?

So what did you do last night? Stupid question, asshole. Just ask the cabbie:

In this rather lengthy edition of Gawker Stalker: Uma Thurman back with Andre Balazs, Lenny Kravitz, Mark Ruffalo, Keanu Reeves, Willem Dafoe, Bill Paxton, Harvey Weinstein, Kate Winslet, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Jessica Lange, Michel Gondry, Paul and Mira Sorvino, Jimmy Fallon, Erika Christensen, Howard Stern, Rosie O Donnell, Alec Baldwin and Nicole Seidel, Oliver Platt, Anthony Edwards, Jonathan Safran Foer, Karolina Kurkova, Margherita Missoni, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kelly Osborne, Dustin Hoffman, Kelly Ripa, Denis Leary, John Norris, Adam Duritz, Corbin Bernsen and Michael Tucker, Chris Parnell, Bradley Cooper, Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel, Federico Castelluccio, Tim Curry, David Hyde Pierce, Horatio Sanz, Tatum O Neal, and, in Crazy Stalker s latest installment, Lauren Dupont.

• Jews + Karaoke = Typical Night in Manhattan. But add in some prizes and the boys from Stella as judges, and you get American Shmidol, tonight at Bowery Ballroom. [flavorpill]
• Having conquered the worlds of acting and teenage divorce, Macaulay Culkin tries his hand at a novel. Judge his efforts (and we know you will) tonight at Barnes & Noble on East 17th. [WUNY]
• Isobel Campbell of Belle & Sebastian fame takes the solo route tonight at Joe's Pub. Stay twee, you cuddly monkey. [Upcoming]

Has the struggling-to-stay-on-top Daily News adopted the Sun's give-it-away circ strategy? A favorite source files this report from Brooklyn Heights:

You see, the blood found on the material used to tie together murder victim Imette St. Guillen's wrists matches that of prime suspect Darryl Littlejohn. Littlejohn is tied to the murder. Wrist ties, blood ties — ha ha, right? Get it? Anyone?

We've spent far too much time poring over Forbes' dangerous list of the world's billionaires — like the blinking lights of a Nintendo, the reality of our own poverty triggered seizures. But after we took our medication, we were able to narrow down the list to those claiming residence in New York. And of those 50 New York billionaires, our somewhat unconfirmed research pulls up 29 members of the tribe. Only 29?! For shame!

Friday:
• The art show to end all art shows, the behemoth Armory, takes over Piers 90 and 92 this weekend. Put on your bullshit goggles and bring a little culture to your life. [Upcoming]
• B-Side Art Fairs: riding on the Armory's back, ~Scope does the indie thing with a tilda, while PULSE makes the most of capslock and curatorial firepower. [flavorpill]
Saturday:
• The perfect anecdote to an art hangover? Fluffy, imported pop. Hot Chip, all the way from the UK, rocks out at the Bowery Ballroom. [flavorpill]
• Game6 features blasts from the past Michael Keaton and Robert Downey, Jr. in a drama centering on the infamous 1986 Mets-Red Sox World Series. It's warm out, so we condone baseball nostalgia. [TONY]
Sunday:
• Circle hits the US despite its "murky avant obscurity" here. Yeah, the Knitting Factory will do that to you. [flavorpill]

In this sunny edition of the Stalk: Ashley Olsen and Lindsay Lohan stage a showdown at Bungalow 8, Eva Mendes and Joaquin Phoenix, Johnny Depp, Anderson Cooper in (gasp!) Sears jeans, Don Cheadle and Adam Sandler, Jimmy Fallon, Lenny Kravitz, Marc Jacobs, Harvey Weinstein, Jerry Seinfeld, Jonathan Rhys-Myers, Michael Imperioli, Richard Gere and Carey Lowell, Jane Krakowski, Morgan Spurlock, Dennis Haysbert, Hope Davis, Vincent D'Onofrio, Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick, Chris Martin, Elisabeth Rohm, Billy Joel, Julie Andrews and Alec Baldwin, B.D. Wong, Drew Barrymore and Fabrizio, Alan Cumming, Malcolm Gladwell, Conan O Brien, and Ice Cube.

Lately a group called the Wonder Girls Society has been asserting its online presence and organizing mixers for potential members (March 23 at Stitch — don't miss it!). Describing itself as an "exclusive, members-only network for goal-driven, ambitious young women," the WGS presents itself as part Divas Who Dine, part Girl Scouts. Their goals are simple:

D'oh. Talking! Why didn't somebody think of that before?

Even if that were the sort of "fiber" in question, no one past puberty really needs to see it.

• Kelley Polar takes you back to Studio 54 tonight with Morgan Geist and Dan Selzer. Nothing says "disco" like the Knitting Factory and a little viola music, right? [flavorpill]
• Say Hi To Your Mom plays at Rothko. We will. She loves it when we come around for dinner. [Upcoming]
• Architect Michael Graves gives a reading tonight at Parsons's Tish Auditorium. Bring your Legos for the follow-up playtime. [WUNY]

Yesterday, we were told that Rob the Bouncer (author of the Clublife blog) was getting rapid fire questions about the bouncing industry; today, the media focuses on what the murder of Imette St. Guillen means for women on the town:

• Measure for Pleasure, the newest farce by David Grimm, opens tonight at the Public Theater. Go and show off how you didn't fail your freshman Shakespeare lecture — everyone will be sooo impressed. [flavorpill]
• Sarah Vowell reads from her dead-presidents book Assasination Vacation tonight at the Borders on Columbus Circle. Be sure to tell her what you think of her Op-Ed columns. [Paper]
• The Bowery Poetry Club, a contradiction in terms, presents an evening with musical trio the Blur Division. Because it's not like they were going to appeal to anyone down there with actual poetry. [Upcoming]