The Daily News wants you to know that FEAR is BACK, exclusively reporting that the FBI has uncovered a serious terrorist plot to bomb the Holland Tunnel "in hopes of causing a torrent of water to deluge lower Manhattan." (And disrupt all that progress down at the WTC? Terrible.) So, how is this news? When doesn't someone want to blow us up?
• Before there was PhotoBooth, there was Andy Warhol. The Whitney exhibits a collection of his screen-tests-turned-portraits ,curated by Callie Angel. [flavorpill]
• If your interest in soccer actually extends beyond David Beckham's abs, BAM screens Goal Dreams, a documentary following the Palestinian national team as they try to qualify for the World Cup. [Paper]
䄲 Broken Social Scene in Prospect Park? No, that won't be an insufferably hip crowd. Not at all. [Prefix]
New York's top court still hates those fags: sadly, in a 4 to 2 ruling, they've decided that same-sex couples have no constitutional right to marry. The court also ruled unanimously that the state legislature is constitutionally permitted to continue operating under the delusion that they are living in fifties-era Texas.
Because insanity is at least fun to watch, Richard Blakeley took photographs of the World Trade Center site over the past 101 days (March 26 - July 4) and used them to create a time-lapse video of the area's "progress." Think of it as a preview of what exciting information might come from the new WTC website and its real-time information updates: watch as not a single fucking thing happens.
• Terry Dame and her Electric Junkyard Gamelan cater to your whims tonight at The Stone, playing such time-honored instruments as truck springs. Bring an old shovel and join in the fun. [flavorpill]
• Continuing with the music-made-with-random-objects theme, The Rakes play at Bowery Ballroom. [Upcoming]
• Tina Turner tribute show River Deep features an all female-cast and lots of private dancing. Also, maybe Oprah, cause y'all, Oprah just loooves Tina Turner. [Paper]
• Before it was a TV show or a game you played in elementary school, M*A*S*H was a movie. Catch a free screening tonight at Bryant Park. [flavorpill]
• Swedish singer-songwriter Jose Gonzales confuses your understanding of ethnic indicators tonight at Bowery Ballroom. [Prefix]
• Find a barbecue, jackass.
Friday:
• It's not a holiday weekend for everyone, and the UCB Theatre is there to help: head over to "The Concert for LaVert," a "fundraiser" for an "ailing youth" featuring a "unique blend of music, people skills and biblical know-how." Uh huh. [God's Pottery]
• Sweet Jesus, Joseph, and Anna: The Devil Wears Prada is finally here. [TONY]
• Brangelina's stolen baby shower photos are such a national treasure, the freaking FBI will raid your home to get them back. Tax dollars at work, people. [TMZ]
• Mo Rocca is on Star's side: by blindsiding Barbara Walters and quitting ahead of schedule, she spared us all the two-hour farewell episode from hell. [Fanatical Apathy]
• The Devil's assistant wears Prada, too. And she's shitty at keeping your rolodex up-to-date. [NYP]
• Meet Sarah Stillman, the Nation's Student Writing Contest winner. She will only win $1000, however, because that's what she gets for leaning left. [The Nation]
• The sky over Gristedes bawls "like a fucking constipated baby." Shouldn't this sort of hate be reserved for Duane Reade? [The Call Me Concha]
• There's already a Generation Z, and they're fashion bloggers. [WWD]
• Jane EIC Brandon Holley feeds readers pizza, but not so much that they won't fit into pretty new clothes. [Jossip]
• Natalie Portman and Eddie Izzard are, oddly enough, neck-and-neck for the lead in Cabaret. Such a toss-up, right? [Suicide Girls]
Suddenly we have the terrible feeling we've missed a memo someplace.
• Implosion features a smattering of artists showing off with video installations, "conceptual signage," and other variations on the highbrow. Put on your chi-chi hat and join the fun. [flavorpill]
• MoMA screens Walk the Line as a part of its month-long James Mangold celebration. One more chance to see Joaquin's pompadour span 15 feet — just as God intended it. [Paper]
• In the past three weeks, three cyclists have been killed on the road. Tonight, put on a helmet and participate in a memorial bike ride in honor of Carl Nacht, Derek Lake, and Donna Goodson. 6:30 PM, Hudson River Greenway at 46th Street, in front of the Intrepid.
Due to the construction of both a luxury hotel and a new condo complex, the demise of Orchard Street between Houston and Stanton has created a new breed of hipster. Whereas earlier generations of hipsters had been infected with the powerful disaffectation virus, the latest incarnation of the Lower East Side hipster — a species quickly nearing extinction due to Fat Baby — has been plagued with extra-aggravated strains of rage:
The Gay Pride parade came and went on Sunday with the usual fanfare and excitement afforded by wet rainbows, soggy Metrobears, and disappointing poppers. At the post-parade gathering at the pier, however, blogger Scott Anthony claims to have witnessed quite the buzzkill:
• Instead of serving hard time for cocaine possession, Boy George will be doing community service. Specifically, he'll be working for the Department of Sanitation. With the summer heat melting rat turds everywhere, we would've opted to be a prison bitch. [OMG]
• Terror returns to the financial district: Naomi Campbell moving into 55 Wall Street. [WSJ]
• Peter Kaplan and Arthur Carter are surprisingly hot. [The Real Estate]
• If Star Jones and Al Reynolds were fish, she'd be the bug-eyed starfish and he'd be a gay-as-a-rainbow trout. [Gallery of the Absurd]
• Heather Graham gets ice cream and you don't. But really, she needs it more than you do. [Almost Literary]
• If you combine Times heds with the final paragraph of the accompanying story, you get a simplified, if not mildly insane, result. [Bumper Active]
• Grace Edwards toes dangerously at the nipslip line — really, New York Social Diary just doesn't do that sort of thing, dear. [NYSD]
• This is extremely late-breaking, but when in doubt, blame sagging circulation on natural disasters. You can't argue with God's weather patterns! [Mediaweek (last graf)]
• The Ark plays Bowery Ballroom with Baby Dayliner. Insert obvious, Jersey-specific weather joke here. [flavorpill]
• Madonna kicks off the first of a six-night romp at Madison Square Garden. Available tickets are (of course) extravagantly priced, but Lourdes really needs her own Kabbalah instructor. [MSG]
• It's like Christmas, only wackier: misfits everywhere rejoice as Jerri Blank hits the big screen. [NYT]
