• The people have spoken. [Animal]

• Are Madonna and Guy Ritchie headed towards a divorce? And is floating such rumors part of new Observer owner Jared Kushner's hip-and-cool mandate? [Daily Transom]

• Speaking of J-Kush, homeboy was definitely not a team player last night when he missed the Observer's very first softball game, which they won over the alpha-males at Trader Monthly. Too bad three interns died from dehydration before the fifth inning. [Daily Transom]

• Today's Post, summed up in a single sentence: "Mel, Mel, Mel, do you mind if we call you sugar lips, Mel?" [NYP]

• We suspect former Sun columnist Pranay Gupte lives for little more than a soapbox; here's why he got fired from that other job. At least it doesn't involve signing your co-workers up for a dating service. [Pranay Gupte]

• And back to Madonna again, whose next reinvention will be in the form of Angelina Jolie. [Time]

• OMG CRISIS HEAT CLOSES TRADER JOE'S NO THAI LIME & CHILI PEANUTS FUUUUUCK! [Curbed]

• Mel Gibson provides the perfect opportunity to get wasted on company time as a part of an "investigation." A round of tequila shots in the name of journalism, please! [TVNewser]

• Just another tea party bay-by, two doped-out preppies going cray-zy. [You Tube]

Sightings are sent in by readers — who may be hallucinating given the extreme conditions — and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map. Send yours to tips@gawker.com.

Earlier: The Infinite Torture of Starbucks (Check out the comments for reports of other Starbucks riots around the city.)

• Make your way over to the Whitney and check out Walter de Maria's Hardcore. Alas, it's visual art and not porn, but you can't win them all. [flavorpill]
• The Onion's monthly comedy series debuts tonight at Joe's Pub; you won't get Jean Teasdale, but Michael Ian Black should suffice. [NYM]
• Times columnist William Rhoden reads from his book The $40 Million Slaves: The Rise, Fall and Redemption of the Black Athlete, in which he likens the sports industry to a plantation. Yeah, that's not going to raise an eyebrow or anything. [Paper]

It's day 3 of Mother Nature's attempt to destroy the ungrateful human race; on Tuesday, the temperature in Central Park hit 95 degrees and yesterday it hit 97 degrees. The heat index — what it actually feels like — yesterday was around 107 degrees, and that's in the leafy green splendor of the park. Anyone who has had the misfortune of spending more than 2 minutes outside knows that the heat index on concrete is more like 500 degrees. And yet, despite all this torture, the temperature has yet to break the official Central Park record of 100 degrees in 1933.

As New York melts into a jaded little puddle, Starbucks is taking pity on everyone and offering free iced coffee at all locations from 1-3 PM today.

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map; this is our occasional, old-school compilation. Send your starfucking encounters to tips@gawker.com.

• RockDocs 2006 brings a little life to Lincoln Center with 9 days of concert documentaries. You, know just to remind you of what you missed at Coachella or Bonnaroo or whatever. [flavorpill]
• Try to figure out why in God's name special The View co-host Lisa Loeb is hosting a screening of The Warriors tonight at Coney Island. Or just ask her yourself at the accompanying Q&A. [WUNYC]
• Today's air-conditioned activity is brought to you by the good people at the Brooklyn Museum, who offer a collection of indoor graffiti for your viewing pleasure. [TONY]

• If you don't pass out from heat stroke, you will from the high pitched splendor of the New York Grand Opera, which performs Tosca in Central Park. Cancelled, too damn hot. [Paper]
• Summerscreen offers Bottlerocket to be enjoyed on the concrete wonder that is the McCarren Park Pool. It's Williamsburg, so bring your water wings just for irony's sake. [WUNYC]
• And tonight's wisest choice: BAM's Rose Cinema features the films of Sam Peckinpah and air-conditioning. $10.50 has never seemed more reasonable. [flavorpill]

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map. Send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• Rise to the occasion at Stain's Blackout Party, honoring that time three years ago when the power went out. Because that doesn't happen often around here. [Paper]
• Jessica Ciocci demonstrates both her spelling and craft skills with P.E.A.C.E., tonight through Friday at Foxy Production. [flavorpill]
• The Black Heart Procession brings its melacholy to Bowery Ballroom. Or maybe it's the other way around. [Prefix]

Friday:
• Um, hello? Is there any question that you'll spend tonight admiring Jamie Foxx's rippled back? Obviously you can feel it coming in the air tonight. [TONY]
• The Kung Fu Importance of Being Earnest plays at the Brick Theater. Not the cleverest title, but Oscar Wilde + the Crane = enjoyable randomness. [flavorpill]

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• The Bronx and waterlillies aren't the most obvious bedmates, but glass artist Dale Chihuly brings them together tonight at the New York Botanical Gardens. Also, there's a wine stand. [flavorpill]
• Do you remember Kara Janx from Project Runway 2? We have a vague recollection of someone who couldn't sew, which is all the more reason to go see her fall collection. Also, there's free Midori. [WUNYC]
• The Hold Steady play for free at Castle Clinton. No free booze to speak of, but we're sure you'll find a way. [Paper]

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted regularly to our Gawker Stalker Map. This is our occasional, old-school compilation. Send your sightings to tips@gawker.com.

• Put on your helping hat at tonight's benefit for the Ali Forney Center, which provides medical care and other outreach to homeless LGBT youths. Performers include Antony and the Johnsons, Matmos, and CocoRosie. [flavorpill]
• Jaws screens at the Hudson River. As if you needed another reason not to avoid sunlight and water. [WUNYC]
• Sherrill Tippin gives a reading from February House, the 2005 book detailing the salon-cum-brothel where Carson McCullers, W.H. Auden, Jane and Paul Bowles, and Gypsy Rose Lee made their homes. Ah, back when writers used to get ass. [Paper]

Northwest Queens, the severely power-damaged New York borough which became the subject of an intense legal and political battle that drew responses from the local representatives to Mayor Bloomberg to the Vatican, died today, after 8 days of attempting to repair a blackout on the order of a state court judge. Con Ed had restored power to almost all homes in the area as of last night, but after Astoria residents continued to experience sporadic power outages, the neighborhood's feeding tube was removed.

• Free movies are nice and all, but a laser show! That's worth a ride on the L any day. [flavorpill]
• Adam Green brings his nonsensical lyrics to the masses at the Virgin Megastore. Rock out to some Jabberwocky tonight at 6:30. [Prefix]
• Celebrate 10 years of comedians being too lazy to write scripts at the UCB's ASSSCAT. [Upcoming]

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map. Send yours to tips@gawker.com.