A spy just sent us this blurry cameraphone image of embattled Apocalypto director and recovering-anti-Semite-about- town Mel Gibson browsing the crafts table in the lobby of the Santa Monica office building where EMI, FremantleMedia, Lionsgate and other media concerns make their home. We don't know the purpose of Gibson's browsing or if he made any purchases, but it temporarily warms our cold hearts to imagine that he picked up a dreamcatcher to enclose with the considerate note he's planning to send to Michael Richards, hoping that the trinket lets his fellow victim of relentless media persecution know that there's someone out there thinking of him.

In a four-hour interview with Entertainment Weekly (and honestly, if that's not a sign of career demise in and of itself, we don't know what is), Mel Gibson responds to an interviewer's oblique reference to Michael "Kramer" Richards' recent bout of racist Tourette's at the Laugh Factory with a declaration of sympathy. Apparently, he sort of understands what the dude is going through.

The inevitable quote we have all been bracing for—in which a certain margarita-loving Malibu land baron harboring a mistrust of Jews and a sugar tit chip on his shoulder weighs in on recent events involving a former sitcom star's choice to silence chatty comedy club patrons by angrily sharing his historical knowledge of half-century-old, flatware-assisted lynching practices—has finally come. Not surprisingly, the quotee's heart goes out to the most recent victim stricken by the highly contagious outbreak of Celebrity Racist Tourette's Syndrome currently sweeping through Hollywood:

Can Hollywood forget about the small matter of Mel Gibson's drunk-driving-related tirade and evaluate his demanding, ambitious, "fiercely original" Apocalypto on its own merits? Perhaps, but we wouldn't bet on it. The local sugartitted community is notorious for holding grudges against those who would slander their sweet-breasted tribe. [Variety]
Tom Freston's ginormous severance package puts a dent in Viacom's profit numbers for the quarter. Please join us in shedding a tiny little tear for the plight of the beloved, faceless multimedia conglomerate over this sad news. [THR]
Prepare yourselves for many more millions of people learning the joys of endlessly mimicking Borat's catchphrases, from "High five!" to "Do not shrink me, gypsy!" as Fox triples the number of theatres showing the the film. [Variety]
After shitcanning the story editors that The CW wouldn't allow to join the Writers Guild, the network continues to flip off the WGA by taking steps to unionize "almost the entire production" of ANTM under IATSE. [THR]
CBS tries to salvage something from the wreck of the swiftly canceled Smith, trying to sell some commercials around the seven episodes (four of which never made it to air) it will stream on its Innertube broadband channel. [Variety]
Fox manages to beat Univision in the Nielsen race Thursday night, reversing last week's unspeakable ratings disaster. [THR

· Today on Good Morning America, Courtney Love revealed that Mel Gibson helped her get sober. Too bad; had Gibson decided to instead join together their substance-abusing tendencies, they could have formed a drug-addicted duo so formidable that not even an entire army of sugartitted and Jewish law enforcement officials could've stopped them from taking over the entire Pacific coast.
· If this photo of Jon Lovitz being approached by two topless blondes on the beach doesn't excite you, then we really have no idea what turns you on anymore.
· Annette Bening knows that chatter about an Oscar nomination for Running with Scissors can only end in heartbreak.
· Kevin Federline's music has earned at least one positive review; then again, it's from the people who recently body-slammed him on national TV, so we're going to imagine that when the WWE critic claims that K-Fed's "song writing skills are better than Beethoven's and Mozart's combined," he's not exactly without bias.
· Tyra Banks has traded in her fat-suit for a man-suit, and she's about to make you reconsider everything you thought you knew about how people actually treat big-breasted supermodels who pretend to be dudes for a day.

If you've been counting the minutes until Chevy Chase returns to the limelight in this Friday's Law & Order episode by playing the not-entirely-fanciful role of a Hollywood actor whom, upon being stopped for drunk driving, delivers a virulently anti-Semitic diatribe to his arresting officers, we suggest you read no further: The LA Daily News' The Mayor of Television blog has seen the episode, and details the original SNL breakout star's virtual disappearance beneath the skin of a matzo-mistrusting conspiracy theorist:

· In honor of Halloween, Gallery of the Absurd names Mel Gibson its scariest tabloid monster.
Here are some last minute costume ideas (really, aren't you out of luck by now?) courtesy of CourtTV.com. And here's a video of one of the best costumes we've ever seen.
· Camp Crystal Lake is finally getting around to making some much-needed changes aimed at improving their teen-survival numbers.
· Attention PR firms: Comment spam might not be the best way to get bloggers interested in your clients' TV shows.
Don't worry, K-Fed has a byline in the NY Post, but we're pretty sure he still hasn't learned to read or write.
Jay Leno can't wait to show up to the Big Boy parking lot with his new supercar.
Pumpkin catapults: the Halloween season's hidden danger.

· Tom Cruise hires a firm called Along Came Mary (please, hold your jokes until the end) to plan his wedding, who will be charged with the difficult task of working some pretty awkwardly written vows into their ceremony.
Breaking: Reality television producers may supply alcohol to their contestants, hoping that shitfaced contestants make for better TV.
The Stallion has a Butterscotch Butt-Double.
Were it not for Brad Pitt's ability to elude drunken Dutchmen on his bicycle, rampant anti-Americanism in Europe may have deprived film history of Ocean's Twelve.
· It's finally happened: Jesus Christ has come out against both stem-cell research and Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic comments.

Oracle's Larry Elllison seems to work well as animated cartoon as Valleywag posted earlier today. This video posted on youTube by OneRichAsshole chronicles Larry Ellison hitting Malibu and running into a drunk Mel Gibson. The video is episode one, we here at Valleywag eagerly await the next installment.

Like an oxcart pulled by four of the heartiest, mustachioed women in all the village, the publicity machine is rolling full speed ahead for the big screen debut of the world's most radical men's swimwear revisionist, Borat Sagdiyev. The first four minutes of the film are now available for viewing on YouTube—clearly the fiendish handiwork of the greedy, mischief-making Jew-devils in charge of Fox marketing—and Borat has been quick to align himself with fellow like-minded movie icons at recent press appearances:

The airing of the second part of Mel Gibson's Good Morning America interview with Diane Sawyer today means that we might finally be done with soundbites explaining how the tiny, Tequila-swilling demon living inside the actor's liver is the one that's anti-Semitic, not Gibson himself, at least until his publicity commitments for Apocalypto require a new round of public healing. Above, we've pulled a clip of Gibson's previously teased heart wounds/"the last thing I want to be is that kind of monster" run, which lost much in the translation from squirmy, live-action performance to pullquote. And on the ABC News website, there's some additional transcription of today's segment, including Sawyer's request that Gibson explain the little "Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world" remark that ignited the entire controversy: [Warning: extensive blockquoting follows]

With this morning's airing of the GMA interview in which Mel Gibson explained to Diane Sawyer how his addiction to devil's nectar renders him utterly defenseless to the basest impulses of his dark subconscious (except where his personal mugshot grooming regimen is concerned), focus returns once again to the world's most famous sugartit-leery, Jewish-warmongering whistleblower. Accompanying the renewed interest comes yet another wave of Gibson-themed interactive entertainments, such as Heavy.com's latest contribution to the subgenre, Mel Gibson Dress Up!. Prepare to spend fragments of hours getting lost in a fantasy world peopled by centurion Klansmen and kinky Mel Hitlers. You're limited only by your own imagination, and the narrow selection of the various uniforms of famous Jew-haters throughout history.

Today's Good Morning America interview with Mel Gibson represented the troubled actor's long-awaited first step towards assuring the public that the money they might eventually spend on tickets to his upcoming Apocalypto won't be secretly funneled into a synagogue-burning fund through the frank discussion of his tequila-chugging demons with a respected member of the morning show community. We'll send you on to a clip from the first installment of Diane Sawyer's two-parter without too much preamble, but encourage you to note two moments that come towards the end of this footage: Sawyer's look of bafflement at Gibson's joke about alcohol having the ability to make him want to murder a toaster with his bare hands (apologies to the kitchen appliance community are forthcoming), and his admission that even grievous drunkeness can't diminish an actor's desire to look pretty in his mugshot.

In his forthcoming Good Morning America interview with Diane Sawyer, Mel Gibson confronts his intense hatred of Jews, saying that his recent anti-Semitic comments were just "the stupid rambling of a drunkard" and that "the last thing I want to be is that kind of monster." Alas, someone might want to remind Mel that one is often judged by the company one keeps:

Just days after his big, stage-managed break-up with Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn's publicist is already hard at work coordinating new canoodling opportunities with chicks he may later pretend to date.
· If you'd like to actually view a clip of Mel Gibson talking about his struggle against his inner, drunken monster, ABCNews.com has finally posted one, as well as some other quotable bits from his Diane Sawyer interrogation.
And in the interest of piling on, it turns out that one of Gibson's drinking buddies might be L.A.'s favorite local cruise ship child molestor.
Possibly nuclear-powered North Korea strongman Kim Jong-Il might be a huge Friday the 13th fan. Comforting.
We don't know how Dr. Phil or his producers possibly could've foreseen how much filling up a mid-Wilshire house with noisy addicts and misfits desperate to be on TV might piss off some neighbors. Maybe they should've put the house in Hollywood, where it would've gone completely unnoticed.

• And so the Meatpacking District continues to burn: tomorrow night, Level V hosts a party for NV, the "beauty enhancing diet pill" currently being hawked by Carmen Electra. How appropriately gauche. [Animal]
• After their long, overdramatic stay in Namibia, Brangelina pledged $315K to a local preschool and area hospitals' maternity wards. Too bad Namibians haven't even seen 1/10 of that money. [Radar]
• If you never have the chance to sit and scream like a banshee in Oprah's studio audience, what's the next best thing? Sitting and screaming liking a banshee in the car she drove cross-country with Gayle King. [KickingTires]
• Meredith Vieira confesses to being one of those psycho Harvard wannabes. [Meredith Vieira Today]
• An insider privy to Diane Sawyer's interview with Mel Gibson (airing Thursday) says Sawyer was, "f****** harder on him than I could imagine. I was cringing." Rock. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

Knowing that Diane Sawyer's "get" of Mel Gibson for the first televised stop on his Official "Hey, Me And The Jews Are Totally Cool Now" Redemption Tour will be a ratings bonanza, ABC News has already started chumming the media's shark tank with sound-bitable morsels from the coming interview on its website (which, apparently, is so bursting with the supplicating goodness that only a recently humiliated Hollywood superstar can deliver that it must be spread over two days). The first such quote features Gibson's obligatory dismissal of his anti-Semitic tirade as the devil-juice-fueled ramblings of a monster, pretty much in those exact words:

• Guess who's back on the sauce? Mel Gibson, that's who. There's no way he could get through the high holidays sober. [Scoop]
• Contrary to reports, Madonna did not adopt a baby boy in Malawi, nor does she ever feel the need to stoop to that Jolie bitch's level. [People]
• Cobble Hill! Park Slope! Grups! Coffeehouse turf wars! We hate Brooklyn! [Brooklyn Papers]
• Promoter of overpriced social functions turns to promoting overpriced charity water. [NYSun]
• NYC Google office functions as mid-90s-flashback goatee farm. [PSFK]
• The Times' Freemason Article Quota is satisfied. [Animal]
• It's our third O'Donnell mention in a single day, but Rosie's totally up in the Pope's grill. God forbid, literally. [WND]
• Crystal meth: untapped marketing tool. [Towleroad]
• For every question you ask Warren Beatty, he'll take 15 minutes to answer. This doesn't reflect his thoughtfulness so much as his senility. [The Reeler]
• Suspected Project Runway cheat takes to MySpace comments boards for his self-defense. [Blogging Project Runway]
• Every time a model falls, and angel gets his wings. [TMZ]

Last weekend, troubled Malibu feudal lord Mel Gibson took a well-documented break from the onerous demands of his outpatient alcohol addiction recovery program, temporarily substituting his therapeutic poolside meditation sessions with a serenity-promoting jaunt to Oklahoma and Austin for screenings of Apocalypto, his upcoming film. But now that Gibson's proven a willingness to appear outside the house, the people to whom the star long ago promised all manner of public displays of contrition in his second apology are wondering when he's going to get around to showing up at those Bar Mitzvahs: