'New Yorker' Cartoon Caption Contest [Daily Transom]

Wherein we bring you back to the halcyon past of 24 hours ago and augment a few of yesterday's stories:

Gawker, Dec. 2, 2005: "Word on the street is that Mediabistro s new editorial director, replacing budding novelist and former Gawker Elizabeth Spiers, who replaced budding alcoholic and current Gawker Jesse Oxfeld, will likely be none other than — drumroll, please — Dorian Benkoil."

We've received a few Media Christmas reports over the past few days, but nothing even comes close to this tale, from last night at Hiro:

No Krucoff, no Remy Stern, no Gawker Media alumni. Word on the street is that Mediabistro's new editorial director, replacing budding novelist and former Gawker Elizabeth Spiers, who replaced budding alcoholic and current Gawker Jesse Oxfeld, will likely be none other than — drumroll, please — Dorian Benkoil.

A reader remembered this entry on the Mediabistro bulletin boards from two years ago. It was posted by user "peterbraunstein."

Joyce Cohen promised it'd be all better. By 3:47 a.m. this morning, she assured us, everyone would be able to get into the Mediabistro site again. But it's 1:44 p.m. now, and we still can't:

Some people have successfully gotten into the Mediabistro site today; many others — including us — have not. Times real-estate Hunter Joyce Cohen writes in with a partial explanation:

The Washington Post's discovery of Michael's — it's a midtown see-and-be-seen power-lunch spot, apparently — is so boring and late and unoriginal (and cringingly headlined) that there's nearly no need to mention it. Except for this one bit: Finally, there's an explanation of why in God's name the restaurant allows Laurel Touby to skulk around the place with a seating chart and a notebook:

As many of you early birds have noted (and, seriously, it's not even 9 A.M. — what the hell are you all doing up at this hour?), Mediabistro seems to be having some problems. A WHOIS search shows that Mediabistro.com was set to expire on November 10th, but the account was updated on the 11th. Sounds like a classic fuck-up of the sort with which we are not unfamiliar. Oh, how we long for the days of our great October 2004 server crash...we spent so much time outside...

So you've got 10 years of experience as a manager in an editorial environment. You've got top-notch editing, editorial evaluation, managing, and business development skills. You want nothing more than a good opportunity to liaise with a publisher. And yet you're sitting at home, alone, unemployed and unfulfilled. You're checking the Mediabistro job boards regularly, looking for that perfect gig, but it just doesn't show up. If only, you despair, there were some special, secret job that's much too important too post on Mediabistro. But there's no such possibility, you know: Everyone posts their jobs on the 'Bistro.

It's the ultimate redemption story, isn't it? Just days after his expulsion from Condé High for forwarding a stupid email to a stupid (but lovable) website, the masses have anointed Andrew Krucoff as their pick for the next Editor-in-Chief of Mediabistro, the heir to Elizabeth Spiers's rattan throne.

Meanwhile, over at FishbowlNY:

Because recently-deposed Condé Andrew Krucoff is not just Gawker's mascot, but the mascot of underdogs everywhere, we've commissioned famed impersonator of Condé Nast photo editor Barbara Kruger to create a limited-edition Krucoff tribute poster. Click to enlarge, print it out, and get your silkscreen on.

Last week was a big one for former Gawkbot Elizabeth Spiers, who sold her first novel and, 2 seconds later, quit her job as Mediabistro editor-in-chief. Now, as she cruises through her last week prancing about the office (assuming she stops in to pick up her potted plants and whatnot), the media-whoring masses are left wondering who founder Laurel Touby and publisher Kyle Crafton will find to fill Spiers's dainty shoes.

• Droll Gawker alum Elizabeth Spiers ditches her EIC gig at Mediabistro, sends requisite farewell memo, sells her first novel, and yet everyone speaks in hushed tones about the advance.
• But more importantly: Which poor fool will be Spiers's replacement at the 'Bistro?
• We spend some time on the Panel of the Damned.
• You can't just say no to free drugs!
• The Times found its inner inner fratboy.
• And the city's "elite" who received the advance warning about this month's credible non-credible terror threat are revealed to be little more than crunchy art lovers.
• Forthcoming 7-Eleven marks UES apocalypse.
• The 40 best magazine covers remind us of the piss-poor state of our glossies' art departments.

Nothing certifies a hot new trend like a mention in a fledgling trade pub, so now it must finally be true: "It's safe to say that the blog-to-book phenomenon has gone mainstream," reports The Book Standard today. "Two more well-known bloggers scored book deals this week."

• Parents Television Council names list of best and worst shows for "families"; Gawker names PTC to list of worst bullshit "family values" advocacy groups. [NYDN]
• Judy Miller testifies before Congress in favor of shield law, several months too late. [NYT]
• Esquire-food-critic-gate continues: The Houston visitor's bureau paid to fly him down to sample four eateries, which comped his meals. Because, you know, Hearst doesn't have much cash to throw around. [Houston Press, second item]
• Dow Jones had a bad quarter, too — but still not as bad as the Times did. [WSJ]
• This just in: Elizabeth Spiers sells book, to leave Mediabistro. [FishbowlNY]

This week has been nothing but good news for sly Gawker alum Elizabeth Spiers: She sold her book, quit her job, and was last seen flirting with an empty margarita glass. But with all these happy changes come misery around the offices of Mediabistro, as founder Laurel Touby must put down her hostess boa for a moment and begin the daunting task of finding Spiers's replacement.

With two weeks to go before she sheds the orange-and-green handcuffs, Mediabistro editor Spiers today bids a fond farewell to her coworkers, issuing a recitation of her (significant) accomplishments and a bout of "nostalgia" for her time at the company.