Clearly inspired by the much-vaunted free Madonna show at an "intimate" 2,000-capacity theater last night, the New York Times review got a little wild, describing her fans as "screamy" and quoting a 28-year-old about her look for the evening: "stewardess-Madonna-tricky-tranny." The show was only thirty minutes long; one Madonnagay told the Times that "Gays don't camp out [for tickets], but we'll camp out for this." (Only Madonna can overturn the gays' longtime anti-camping law.) When the aging pop star took the stage,"the room roared with 'Omigods.'" [NYT]

The Strand, the humongous New York bookstore by Union Square that is like one of the biggest used book stores ever of all time, has always attracted lots of young workers who take the low pay in exchange for the cool factor of working at the place, and the chance to be around books all day. One negative: the store is run by a despised woman named Nancy Bass Wyden (trivia: she's married to Oregon Senator Ron Wyden). I've known several people who worked at The Strand, and they universally agree on her tyranny. Now, the New York Press has actually done some investigative work on the claims, and it's found evidence for allegations of racial discrimination, callous disregard for pregnant women, and—most terrifyingly—"fungus from rats."

In the newsrooms of Silicon Valley, they call it "going native." In New York, media is a semirespectable profession, and the skyscraper snobs of the world's leading infotainment conglomerates assume that those who drop out for lesser arts like PR just couldn't cut it. Not so here. Erika Brown, who covered venture capital for Forbes, is leaving the magazine to join Matrix Partners as the VC firm's director of marketing and business development. (Biz dev? I can't picture Brown, a snappy dresser, in blue shirts and pleated khakis.) Did Brown parlay her contacts from reporting into a new job? It's hard to imagine she didn't. And one can hardly blame her. The death of magazines may or may not be imminent. But serving time in a distant bureau of a magazine which is mostly diffident about the Valley is a career killer. Brown's note to friends:

Prodigy, the Mobb Deep rapper currently taking advantage of his incarceration to hone his blogging skills, is concerned about quite a few things: ritualistic murders, the 9/11 conspiracy, secret societies, missing children, and "NATURAL ENERGY LINES THAT CRISS-CROSS THE ENTIRE PLANET." How do these things all tie together? Allow Prodigy explain at length [Vibe], like a man with plenty of time to type and type and type and go crazier and crazier and crazier:

Steve Hager, the editor of High Times, is reportedly being pushed out of his position. He's been asked to "vacate his office for the next two months as the magazine's parent company Trans High Corp. decides how to proceed." Two months to make the decision. Christ, you people are high. [CelebStoner]

Once again, American scandals hang their heads in shame. News comes from jolly old England that a former "Mr. Gay UK" has been arrested for murdering an ad executive from a gay magazine, and then eating some of him [Telegraph via Queerty]. Don't get any untoward ideas, though; they were just "friends." The killer also had some flesh from the man's right leg diced up, cooked, and ready to season when the cops came in. That does seem incriminating. Eat your heart out, Jeffrey Dahmer—you never won any pageants at all. A full beefcake photo (pretty much NSFW) of the award-garnering cannibal, Anthony Morley, from the time of his glorious 1993 title win, is after the jump:

A government worker in Japan got in trouble this week for looking at porn at work. Specifically, his computer at his place of employment recorded 780,000 hits on porn sites in nine months. Assuming 22 work days per month, that's nearly 4,000 hits per day! Quite a feat. Even more impressive: he totally got away with in for nine months.

When I saw a tall, dark-haired, model-esque woman sliding through the pre-awards crowd at the National Magazine Awards in the Rose Ballroom on 60th St. last night, my canny journalistic sixth sense kicked in. "She sure doesn't look like a magazine writer," I thought. Later, she strode out on stage during the awards ceremony. It was Padma Lakshmi, supermodel. "Fiction. It can...raise fire in the loins," she purred. Half of the audience shifted in their seats. "The sharpest weapon an editor has at her disposal is her pen. (Pause). Or her tongue." It really drove home the primary question in everyone's minds: Isn't this supposed to be, like, a magazine thing? What the fuck are all these famous people doing here? And Julia Allison? An attempted explanation, and some terrible, terrible cell phone pictures to sum up the night, after the jump.

Aaron Brown was the serious, soft-spoken voice of CNN. Americans all remember his calm, powerful, and moving presence on CNN covering the attacks on the World Trade Center, as they happened, all day long. His first day at CNN! Then a couple years later CNN ditched him and gave his time-slot to Anderson Cooper, who is much prettier. But he's back! On, uh, PBS, where he'll look comparatively "young" and "cool." Anyway, Brown weighed in, for some reason, on the battle between Fox hothead Bill O'Reilly and MSNBC's Keith Olbermann. "Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly 'are both larger-than-life figures,' he says, but Olbermann is 'smarter, funnier, better read and eminently more talented.'" Well. Is someone angling for David Gregory's spot once Gregory takes over for Chris Matthews? He's got all the time in the world, NBC. He'll wait out this rumored move that may never happen. [TVNewser]

The Yale Daily News has uncovered a bombshell: The University Dining Services-operated Thain Family Cafe secretly replaced its caffeinated espresso with decaf beans. They've been serving useless, unstimulating brown water to caffeine-fiending students since April 15, with no intention of revealing the ruse. This scrappy student paper got their hands on the documents that prove it: "An unsigned letter received by the News last week included a supposed photocopy of a Thain Café logbook entry from Feb. 29 that reads: 'We will also run out of reg. espresso and French roast most likely—secretly use decaf espresso to substitute the espresso—for the French, I don't know—I think we'll just have to be out.'" Cafe Manager Brian Yezierski denied the charges. But! Journalism!

One of the things I never figured out about the internet is why certain sites have commenters, who those commenters are, and what compels them to do what they do. It's one thing to spend your time commenting on a site that has witty, engaging repartee, like this one. But some other places are inexplicable. Like one that came to my attention today: DailyPuppy.com. It exists to post puppy pictures. Okay, fine, I have nothing negative to say about that, dog Nazis. But do said puppy pictures require 90 comments just today, which all sound like this actual example: "Oh baby you are such a cutie-pie. A zillion biscuits and cuddles poppet and have a wonderful life. xxxxxxxxxxx." GOD. It really challenges your ability to even continue liking puppies. Below are some more of the deep thoughts on Chloe the Labrador Retriever, today's puppy (pictured). This dog can't read, you fools!

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Newsweek is considering a move from Midtown to SoHo. It would join media outlets already in place that range from high-end names like New York Magazine to many of the country's most popular blogs and other online operations. Is the SoHo area NYC's new media district? Rents are cheaper than Midtown, and it's an easier commute for the critical mass of Brooklyn-based writers. Plus, it's just cooler. Take a look for yourself: more than a dozen of the eclectic downtown media neighbors, mapped above.

Actor-turned-entrepreneur Robert "I call him Bobby" Deniro is planning to open a "Nobu Hotel" in the Financial District. It will be the second one—he already has a Nobu Hotel in Israel (who knew?). The plan is to, you know, make it a nice hotel, and also have a Nobu restaurant in it. Branding a hotel with a restaurant's name, and not vice versa, is an interesting concept. If it becomes popular and widespread, it could help prominent chefs and restaurateurs to have greater leverage in their partnership deals, rather than being treated as ornaments for the hotel centerpiece. The brand drives the business, so it's a bit of a gamble on Nobu's international appeal. One partner says of the hotel, "Instead of a mint on the pillow, you could find a sushi roll." Well, that actually sounds disgusting. [NYP/ pic via Curbed]

If the New York Post had to name three things that it can't stand, those things would be: cultural sensitivity, wisdom, and peace (fourth: stepping on gum). That's why the paper is outraged that "the Bush administration has gone all PC in the War on Terror." They've stopped using words like "jihad" and "Islamo-fascism" because they may be provocative or offensive. The Post's jaw literally dropped onto the floor at that news! Right onto the floor! So the neocon, Murdoch-owned scandal sheet had to evoke the memory of prominent socialist revolutionary George Orwell to help it call for harsher language about the Arabian menace:

Geez Roger Clemens, do you mind if we go a single day without being bombarded by news of yet another one of your past trysts with a Southern blond woman somehow vaguely connected to pop culture? Monday we learned that scowling baseball great Clemens, self-proclaimed paragon of family virtue, cheated on his wife with a continuously intoxicated country music star. More girlfriends came out in the subsequent days. And now we're battered with the news that the rich pitcher may have had a romance with the ex-wife of a fat, drunk professional golfer [NYDN]. Is nothing sacred?

Droopy-eyed magician David Blaine, a man who sounds high at all times, went on Oprah's show today to try to break the world record for holding one's breath underwater. Not to give away the ending, but he did it! Seventeen minutes. Perhaps his success will inspire him to go freeze himself in a block of ice, or lock himself away in a box, or some other activity that will take him out of the public eye. The actual clip of the breath-holding, as you might imagine, is not very thrilling to watch. So instead, after the jump we've put a clip of his video blog leading up to the stunt, in which he explains his motivation while sounding high. And another clip of that trick where he ties his shoes with no hands, which is way cooler than holding your breath any day.

In an apparent response to a crazy, shrill right wing campaign by the "Parents Television Council" to get companies to pull their ads from hip hop TV shows like Rap City, Procter&Gamble—the world's biggest advertiser—has set up a hotline for consumers to call and weigh in on whether they're offended by seeing ads for Tide detergent on 106 & Park, or whatever [AllHipHop via MultiCultClassics]. This campaign goes to the heart of the controversial question: should corporate America give money to things associated with black people?

The American Society of Magazine Editors has elected David Willey, the editor of Runner's World, as its new president. That's right: he'll be running the group. Ha... eh.

Any smoker who moved to New York from another state has probably reflected on the fact that they could make a lot of easy cash just by filling up a U-Haul truck with cheap cigarettes from back home and driving them into the city. And boy would they be right! Congressman Peter King has helpfully crunched the numbers for an editorial in the Post today, and now we are seriously considering getting into the Newport-smuggling business full time. Upside: you can make $50K in a single trip. Downside: according to Peter King, you will probably use that money to finance "another 9/11-style attack." Also: Peter King loves to use the phrase "butt-smuggler":

Michael Roberts, the Vanity Fair fashion and style director who attributed the uproar over the sexy Miley Cyrus photos to unsophisticated Americans who don't handle "chic pictures" as well as his fellow Europeans, is not just dispensing cultural criticism through the media: he has a book coming out! And in a fun coincidence, the 112-page tome is going to be called Fashion Victims: The Catty Catalogue of Stylish Casualties, from A to Z. Perhaps he'll add a section addressing the fact that "The whole kiddie porn prurient angle seems to be worryingly sour grapes from other magazines that didn't get a picture like this." After all, at Vanity Fair "We don't do cheesy teen pictures. We do chic pictures and pictures that are beautiful portraits." Alrighty then. Just for kicks, another now-ironic quote from last October's Telegraph profile of Roberts: