Software designer Tom Hume made use of the Guardian's API doohickeys to find out how often it's printing dirty words. Who knew Brits were so skittish about "wank"? [Chart via his Flickr]

Appalachian State University newspaper The Appalachian has kept us waiting for weeks for the rest of their cum-drenched four-part pornography series. What's the holdup? "Appalachian to research health effects of wine." Ah.

In your magaziney Thursday media column: Maxim UK's dead in print, Airline magazines go terrestrial, Michael Wolff's Vanity Fair retribution piece, and Esquire plays with toys:

• Bill O'Reilly is already threatening to totally ruin 2010: He says he's working on a book about Barack Obama which will come out next year. [NYP]
• Twitter fan Gary Vaynerchuk is getting seven figures to write 10 books about Twitter. And some think the publishing world doesn't "get it"! [WSJ]
• Hollywood is cutting back on the big pay packages for A-list stars. [WSJ]
• Ed Schultz is taking over the 6pm slot on MSNBC with a new show. [HP]
• No joke: Delta will soon sell its in-flight magazine on newsstands. [WWD]
• More on the recent round of layoffs at Condé Nast Digital. [PaidContent]
• Ad man Peter Arnell's disastrous rebranding of Tropicana also led to a 20 percent drop in sales in January and February. Nice work. [AdAge]
• Jon Stewart had a few words of advice for Rush Limbaugh last night. And Stephen Colbert went to town on Glenn Beck. [HP, Buzzfeed]
• NBC will air the final episode of ER tonight with a three-hour "event." [NYT]

Victoria Floethe is tired of the moralizing prudes! The younger half of media beef-starter Michael Wolff's recently exposed affair is telling her side of the story: she's a free-living woman beset by Victorian gossiping hordes.

Oh hey did you hear that the Obamas went to England? They met the queen! And crappy presents notwithstanding, it was such a god damn regal moment that the world media, en masse, orgasmed.

More detail on the layoffs at Conde Nast Digital today (which is not an April Fool's joke, okay): Wired.com was reportedly hit hard. Internal turf war?

We asked. You answered. Now it's time for the second installment of the fun thing where we reveal the Media's Worst Late Payment Offenders! Plus: a success story!

Hold on to your frumpy Chico's fashions: Michael Phelps' mom has written a tell-all book! Star has an exclusive excerpt. Can you guess why that fact alone is very, very strange?

In your troubling Wednesday media column: layoffs at Conde Nast and the Boston Globe, Bill Keller fights back, King's officially dead, North Korea's still mean to journalists, and more:

Yes, we saw the Guardian piece, YouTube's upside-down layout and Google's blogging robot Panda. Sorta funny. Funnier are the memos being forwarded around media orgs, such as "Forbes to Sell Brother." Send us others!

• All those layoffs at Forbes yesterday? They continue today, sadly. [NYP]
• Times executive editor Bill Keller has a few words for Marc Bowden, who wrote the Vanity Fair piece about Arthur Sulzberger Jr. Also? He thinks VF should really beef up its factchecking department. [Romenesko]
• The biggest media company in America? That would be Disney. [BN]
• Nine of the top 10 cable news programs belong to Fox News. [HP]
• The winners of the 2008 Peabody Awards were announced today. [AP]
• Wanda Sykes is getting her own talk show. [B&C]
• Video from Bill O'Reilly's chat with David Letterman last night. [MM]
• Guiding Light is done. The final episode airs Sept. 18. [THR]

Monday we heard that WNBC's Chuck Scarborough and KNBC's Paul Moyer, the Kent Brockman and Ron Burgundy of New York, were both potential buyout targets. And now loooooooongtime WNBC sports guy Len Berman—the guy who shows the bloopers!—is getting bought out:

You know, it's been more than a month since hateful NY Post cartoonist Sean Delonas drew an offensive (and uncreative!) cartoon. Maybe he's not so bad...wait, did he just mock a blind man, for blindness?

The New York Times' management is full of good liberals, and they really don't like to fire writers. But cutting salaries and folding sections isn't as easy as it looks. Or as effective.

We're hearing a rumor from a fairly good source that Harris Publications' KING—"The Illest Men's Magazine Ever," as you know—may be folding. If you'd like to confirm or deny, email us.

Bill O'Reilly's in the midst of his big media tour to remind the world he's the number one hollering cable show guy in the history of television! But is he?

Earlier we heard a rumor that struggling Conde Nast was planning to lay off its full-time receptionists. And we've received more corroboration that it's (kinda?) true! What sort of bootleg operation is this?

In your ideal Tuesday media column: Forbes layoffs, Havana goes dark, Brian Tierney's a greedy rat bastard, career suicide, and Tina Brown's a communist:

Unthinkable: a tipster tells us that over at Conde Nast—where the good times are over—all the "regular" secretaries have been laid off. What now—freelance secretaries? Irregular, damaged secretaries? Email us with info.