Kate Ahlborn—Harvard '07, Upper East Sider, Vanity Fair writer—ventured into Brooklyn, where dirty people live, for a weird Brooklyny art show, and wrote about it. May she never fucking return.

In your traditional Tuesday media column: Dan Abrams insists he's clean, the Great Magazine Die-Off continues, newspapers are not doing well, TV on the good trains, and more!

• Boston Globe staffers are still reacting to the news that the New York Times Co. may shutter the paper in 30 days if certain pay concessions aren't met. The paper announced it plans to raise newsstand prices, and a small group of staffers staged a rally last night in support of the paper. [E&P, WCVB]
• Peter Bart is denying claims he was ousted as Variety's editor. [NYT]
• The AP says that sites that use the company's content will have to obtain permission and share revenue with them, or they'll face "legal action." [NYT]
• Keith Olbermann aired a eulogy for his mom on last night's show. [HP]
• For his part, O'Reilly wasn't too cool with pics of two men kissing. [Gawker]
• Thomson Reuters chief Tom Glocer riffs on the future of the Times. [NYO]
• You can now watch NBC while sitting on PATH trains. Thrilling! [MW]
• Even more thrilling: Playboy has launched its redesigned website. [BR, Folio]

Longtime Variety editor Peter Bart was finally replaced last weekend—a move that we (and others) interpreted as Bart being, essentially, stripped of his power to make way for new blood. Not true, he says!

Haha, Nylon magazine has hit upon a "novel" solution to save money, if "novel" means "kind of like a big scam." It's *informing* subscribers that they'll now be getting their issues in digital format. Okay?

Whoa now, magazines are fighting dirty! Advertising is scarce. Magazines have that hungry look. The rules are gone. So one title (Update: or someone pretending to be) is telling advertisers a competitor's folding. HARDCORE!

This is Nina Willdorf, currently the editor-in-chief of Budget Travel. Do you know anything about her? We're looking for info from those who've worked with her. We keep hearing stories.

The magazine industry had sincere, desperate hopes that Michelle Obama could be the next Princess Di, moving copies automatically with her smile. Not gonna happen. But following these simple Michelle Magazine Cover Rules can help:

In your deluged Monday media column: Conde's heartbreaking receptionist layoff, the Miami Herald is JUST FINE, Lee Abrams is a cuddly animal, and Iceland is so touchy:

J. Ezra Merkin, the financier who handed more than $2 billion of his clients' money over to Bernie Madoff, has been sued by the New York attorney general. The New York Times employs Merkin's sister...

• The New York Times Co. says it will shut down the Boston Globe within a month unless the paper's unions agree to $20 million in concessions. [BN]
• Fox News gossip columnist Roger Friedman got axed after he reviewed a pirated version of Fox's new X-Men movie, Wolverine. [DHD, NYT]
• Vanity Fair is scrapping its annual "green issue." [Independent]
• Michelle Obama may be beloved by the media world, but she isn't a sure thing when it comes to selling magazines on newsstands, apparently. [AdAge]
• Playboy's former fashion director is suing the mag for discrimination. [NYP]
• Hearst's Country Living is launching a line of products. [MW]
• Michael Crichton died last November, but two more novels by the best-selling author will be published over the next year and a half. [NYT]
• Eliot Spitzer was on the Today show this morn, in case you missed it. [Jossip]
• Fast & Furious was No. 1 at the box office this past weekend. [THR]

What sort of fucker is Vanity Fair's George Washingtonesque editor Graydon Carter? An amazing one, according to a man who once stayed in a hotel room directly under his, listening:

If you watch this closely, you'll catch a glimpse of Rachel Sklar's ear-wiggling record. Breathtaking.

I wonder if the New York Post's secret sex beast columnist Andrea Peyser has found some sexy pornography to write about today? She has! "I must have your honey milk," it says, in part:

"In the Papers," as you know unless you have the grave misfortune to live somewhere where you are unable to enjoy Pat Kiernan's calm visage and dulcet tones in the morning, is a segment where Pat leafs through the morning papers, pointing out the stories that are interesting to Pat Kiernan. Now Pat's going to "expand his personal brand" by taking the segment online, so readers across the nation can allow Pat Kiernan to "'cut through the clutter' and compile the most relevant articles for readers each day."

Paparazzi life is war! Two photographers who were trying to photograph Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen's wedding ceremony in Costa Rica say the couple's bodyguards shattered their car window. With a bullet, from a gun!

The NYT Co. has threatened to shutter the Boston Globe if the paper's union doesn't accept serious cutbacks. So Globe reporters hit the streets to find old people who read the Globe, and quote them:

So this finally happened: the New York Times Co. is threatening to close the Boston Globe if the union there doesn't agree to several harsh money-saving moves. In this case, it's not a bluff.

In your temporarily de-Nolanated Friday media column: Hearst learns that investigations don't require ink, a lefty New York radio station gets locked out, Bill Keller's irony goes unappreciated, and Andrew Sullivan gets some help.

• Bill Keller says that New York Times readers have offered to donate money to keep the paper alive, which is both very sad and very sweet. [Politico, NYP]
• Hearst has asked all of its newspapers to reduce costs by 20 percent. [BN]
• The launch of Oprah's cable network has been pushed back to 2010. [NYP]
• Eliot Spitzer will hit the Today show on Monday, presumably to talk about the financial crisis, not about his personal life. [NYO]
• Tensions are reportedly running high at MSNBC after the network decided to give Ed Schultz a show and bump Norah O'Donnell and David Shuster. [P6]
• Breaking! The media appears to be rather fond of Michelle Obama. [WaPo]
• Last night's series finale of ER generated big ratings for NBC. [NYT]
• Is Google about to acquire Twitter? Not so much, says Kara Swisher. [ATD]