The parade of columnists declaring their support for the NSA's massive secret spying program goes on, and on, and on...

The newspaper industry's been dying for years. Anyone who launches a new local newspaper—and hires several journalists in the process—is a hero of journalism. Even if he's a con artist.

In the middle of the Venn diagram between the glass ceiling, the vanilla ceiling, and chilled out dude-itors, you'll find the cover of the summer issue of Port. There, staring back at you, are the patriarchs-in-chief of some of the most influential American print magazines, which, if you believe them, have the same staying power as the human species itself!

In the past week, we've witnessed the post-9/11 era's most comprehensive set of stories about the extent of the U.S. government's secret domestic spying programs. It's front page news worldwide. It's sparked a national debate over privacy and security. And some of our nation's most useless political pundits could not be more bored.

Last week, mustache-stroking corporatist sloganeer Thomas Friedman used his immensely valuable column space in the New York Times to write a love letter to a company run by his daughter's college roommate. Could Thomas Friedman possibly top that for sheer laziness and nepotistic indulgence? But of course.

It's not just one awful cartoonist taking a buyout: the New York Post is laying off 13 employees.

Baba Shetty, CEO of NewsBeast since September 2012, today left the company, which is reportedly in the midst of trying to offload Newsweek. Tina Brown broke the news in a memo, which also revealed that Rhona Murphy would be the interim CEO.

Bloomberg View columnist and longtime Newsweek man Jonathan Alter has a new book coming out that includes details about jowly shithead Roger Ailes, the head of Fox News. Politico's media reporter Dylan Byers writes that excerpts from the book show that Alter "reveals a number of surprising facts about the Fox News chief that, taken together, make him out to appear extraordinarily paranoid." Yes, Roger Ailes is paranoid. But Alter didn't "reveal" anything new at all.

Finally, someone comes out and says it: New York magazine is built on a lie.

Although Frank Bruni is a bad newspaper columnist, he does write for a very influential newspaper, even if he doesn't always seem to know it. But we can't expect Frank Bruni to always be writing about "news." Sometimes, you just wanna say, "Hey, Frank: could you opine on the current season, for 800 words or so?"

Look at this amazing video of some kind of demon bursting out of a manhole in New York today. And it would be so much more amazing if this citizen journalist had simply held his or her phone horizontally instead of vertically. Your viral video should not be a narrow strip surrounded by the void.

"New York Magazine Put Up For Sale." That is true, of course. But it is also confusing, sort of like this "Rob Ford Resigns" headline, just tweeted by New York Magazine.

The Oklahoman newspaper reporter accused of taking upskirt creepshots of schoolgirls at a high school graduation was convicted of burglarizing a woman's home to steal her thong underwear in 2003.

The disgruntled angerbeast known as Grumpy Cat is the latest non-human entity to get the honor of a Wall Street Journal "stipple" portrait. Last week, it was Ronald McDonald, a nightmare clown that stuffs hamburgers in the mouths of sleeping children.

The Oklahoman newspaper reporter who wrote heartbreaking stories of families torn apart by the Moore tornado has been arrested for allegedly taking upskirt pictures of high school girls at the devastated town's graduation ceremony.

Newsweek is for sale. Again! And what great timing: the CEO promises that Newsweek "will break-even in Q4 of this year." What reason could you possibly find not to buy?

Seeking a job? Who better to turn to for advice than mustachioed simpleton Thomas Friedman, reliable font of platitudinous excreta? Why, Thomas Friedman knows just who to talk to about this...

Prehistoric fertility god and former CNN host Larry King is bringing his current show, Tales from the Cryptkeeper, to Russia Today, and adding another show, Politics With Larry King, to the Kremlin-funded cable news and YouTube channel. "I would rather ask questions to people in positions of power, instead of speaking on their behalf," King says in the promo spot.

Variety is reporting that Newsweek is for sale again, just three years after merging with the Daily Beast and one month after Barry Diller said publicly that he regretted buying the flagging brand.

News Corp will soon formally split itself into two companies: an entertainment and television company, which actually makes money; and a newspaper and publishing company, which is worth a nickel— but which has a fabulous new logo!