• The publisher of the Los Angeles Times is defending his decision to put an ad disguised as a news story on the front page of the paper yesterday. [LAT]
• A Fox Entertainment employee has reportedly been arrested for stealing the personal information of other Fox employees. [TVN]
• NBC is developing a sitcom based on George Gurley's Observer column. [P6]
• Angelina Jolie, Victoria Beckham and Lauren Conrad were among the "most salable cover faces" for fashion magazines in 2008. The least? Nicole Kidman, Carrie Underwood, and Rachel Weisz. [WWD]
• Dylan Ratigan talks about his departure from CNBC and move to ABC. [BI]
• Speaking of covers, are struggling celebrity tabloids paying for them? [NYP]
• The Daily Beast, Tina Brown's website, will introduce ads shortly. [AdAge]
• Fox News chairman Roger Ailes and his wife, Elizabeth, have purchased another local newspaper in Putnam County. [Portfolio]
• NBC will air a "comedy showcase" featuring Jay Leno on May 19. [NYT]

Martha Stewart, our arch-nemesis, has a few ideas about how to save some money during this recession: buy fewer trees, but more glitter kits. She also demands that you knit her a scarf!

NBC is reportedly developing a sitcom called "George and Hilly" based on New York Observer writer George Gurley's columns about couples therapy with his fiancee. Here's what prime time viewers have to look forward to:

Well well, a new poll of 43 of America's fanciest "Media Insiders" reveals this: two thirds(!) of them think the internet hurts journalism more than it helps. Poll time!

Pirates versus America in a cutthroat battle for survival! Hero Captain America's escape attempt! A pirate flotilla races to reach its desperate pirate brethren! Killer Navy SEALs lock and load! Joe Biden!

Aw, we're beginning to think Fox News biggie Roger Ailes really loves his wife. He's bought another newspaper, the Taconic Press, in New York's upstate Putnam County, where they live.

In your sad, macho Thursday media column: Boston Globe anger, broke-ass papers resign themselves to advertorial disgrace, media money evaporates, and let's all laugh at Politico:

A vice president in the AP's Chicago office sent WTNQ, a member of the AP, a cease-and-desist letter asking them to stop posting the AP's YouTube videos on its website. Frank Strovel, an employee at the AP-affiliated station, raised a fuss on Twitter, the world's best medium for complaints. That won him an interview with blogger Christian Grantham. Strovel explained that he called the AP executive who had sent the letter, a vice president of affiliate relations, and discovered he was unaware that the AP even had a YouTube channel.

• The LA Times ran an ad designed to look like an actual news story on the front page of the paper today. Much criticism has followed, obvs. [ATD, E&P]
• The NYT is asking its reporters to come up with cost-cutting ideas. [NYO]
• A Chicago-based Good Morning America staffer was given the boot after he tried to put his nose job on his corporate credit card. [P6]
• The acquisition of the Wall Street Journal was a giant misstep for News Corp., but Fox News is making Rupert Murdoch some money. [Reuters]
• Cablevision's Jim Dolan earned a $12.5 million pay package last year. [AP]
• Time Warner's Jeff Bewkes raked in $19.9 million in 2008. [MC]
• The 15 top moneymakers on primetime television. [Forbes]
• Barely-living Blackbook is now refusing to pay some freelancers. [Jossip]

There's really nothing we can think of that the LA Times would not do to make a buck, right now. They will inevitably sink ever lower! Too bad, since today's front page is verrrrrrrry low.

A little before noon this morning, the New York Times' web site appeared to be going through some catastrophic hiccups. It comes up every third try or so on some computers at Gawker HQ, but here's what we've been getting:

Michael Wolff called us about 374 times last week, insisting that he needed to speak with us about our story last month that revealed Wolff has been carrying on an affair with a former Vanity Fair intern and self-described "femme fatale" named Victoria Floethe. We didn't bother talking to Wolff, mainly because although he says he plans to write about his "downfall" in an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair, we hear editor-in-chief Graydon Carter would really rather Wolff indulge in his silly conspiracy theories elsewhere. In the meantime, though, we've put his tedious calls to good use with a Michael Wolff ringtone! You can listen to it above. Or you can download the MP3 version for your phone here. Sure, it's a huge step down from some of the other personalities we've turned into ringtones thus far (Anna! Andre! Padma! Isaac!) But we did do a Bernie Madoff ringtone a couple of months back, so Michael is in good company.

This memo just went out to New York Times employees from assistant managing editor Rick Berke—free lunch, if you can think of a way to save the paper some cash!

The Somali Pirate Crisis is the story of our generation! Virtually every major paper has big stories on the new American sailor heroes battling the buccaneers. Only the most interesting parts, below:

Online aggregators are financial vampires sucking the lifeblood out of the news business! You know — evil digital upstarts like the Wall Street Journal, CNN, and the New York Times.

OK! Magazine has had some issues with Photoshop on their cover before. This week, they show how amputating a leg may be the easiest and fastest way to lose 90 pounds. Diet secrets revealed, indeed.

Well that didn't take long. America must drop everything and deal with this pirate menace! Where are the Marines? Piracy is the new terrorism! Call out the big jets! We need serious "cannon fire":

In your swashbuckling Wednesday media column: XXL-Giant feud update, NPR infighting, nobody's scared of ASME, the Boston Globe is mad, son, and dead goats save newspapers:

• To celebrate 1,000 episodes (and 35,892 sound effects), CNBC's resident buffoon, Jim Cramer, rang the opening bell of the NYSE today. [CNBC]
• Sales of romance novels are on the rise, since in times like these, we all just want to indulge in happy endings. Or something along those lines. [NYT]
• Why is the New York Times Co. frantically looking to cut costs at the Boston Globe? For one thing, it's on track to lose $85 million in 2009. [NYO, Portfolio]
• It's hard getting people to pay for newspaper content they now get for free. Let Coke guide you, Arthur Sulzberger Jr.: "Coca-Cola took tap water, filtered it and called it Dasani, and makes millions of dollars a year." [NYT]
• Magazines are blurring the line between editorial and advertising by putting ads on the cover. If they don't, they go bust. Rock, meet hard place. [NYT]

What's the mysterious plague that's killing newspapers? According to Google CEO Eric Schmidt, it's not search engines, Craigslist, or Monster.com. It's those agonizingly slow-loading websites!